sad realization

[tellmebaby]

hmm. well tomorrow I am supposidly going to be hanging out with my 'best friend' for the first time since I told her I liked her. All day friday she called and left me messages (because i didn't have my phone) and sent me a few texts, which I responded too, she was asking to hang out tonight and then also today.

 

I have not spoken to her about what I told her, I haven't really spoken to her besides a lame internet convo about meaningless nothing. I am fearful its gunna be awkward, and Its just going to turn out to be blah, I don't even know if I should see her, I have been re-evaluating our friendship and a lot of people have been telling me lately, is not real good friend to me.

 

hmm my thoughts are that, I can except the fact that she doesn't have feelings for me, and when I set that aside and we're strictly just friends,....why would a friend do this: not talk to me for a week, tries to contact me several times out of the blue askingfor me to hang out, and then when I tell her sure lets chill..and she tells me she will call when she is ready to hang....she never does so, and when I finally wonder why she hasn't, i call her, and she tells me she can't actually hang out anymore, at first she doesn't say why. And then later when I am out with other friends she randomly texts me and tries to apologize and says she was on a date longer then she expected..........i guess i am wondering..how crappy is it for a friend to do this.....who does that? whats the deal?

I am confused, and sorta hurt. All day she had been contacting me to make plans with me. how can she schedule a date...even though since like 9 am in the morning she was trying to get in contact with me to hang out and actually made plans with me..and all the sudden she has a date?!..how does that turn out???

I don't even know if its worth my time to see her tomorrow, im thining about canceling before i get let down again...and I am sorta starting to believe what my friends have been telling me

 

i think i need to let go and move on.

[tellmebaby]

Thanks squirrel

 

I am the reliable type aswell, i try my best to always be there for my friends and family. I have no idea if she could have feelings for me, I haven't had to chance to talk to her ...because...

 

She let me down yet again today

 

I don't think she wants to hang out alone with me.

 

Today.. she called me a bunch of times and texted me saying "when you wake up call me so we can make a snowman and watch a movie!" Pretty much the same story as yesterday, her wanting to chill and watch a movie.. so i get a hold of her and tell her i'd call her back after i talked to my sister who was coming to my house because she and her gf broke up, they are sorta engaged to have a commitment ceremony, so my sister was quite upset, and i explained this to my friend and she understood and told me to just call back, but it turned out my sis never came over and just went to work things out.

So i quickly returned the call and explained it, and she says ok and that she has an idea to hang out somewhere and tells me we should invite my other best friend ( which...they both hate each other..so that made no sense), and I told her I think she might already have plans but i'd ask anyways and i'd call her rightback. So as i am inviting my other friend to come along, she calls me back, and tells me these 3 other people just called her (2 of which i don't know and one of which i am unable to be around anymore for several reasons) i tell her nicely that i'd have to pass (she knows how i feel about this particular person). She said well maybe we can still hang out later. but I doubt it.

Two days in a row she makes plans with me and when I say yeah i'll hang out ...her plans suddenly change. why even bother I am so frustrated , I'm not gunna play this stupid game. It really hurts, Next time she calls me i'm just gunna say what i have to say, and see what happens. ](*,)

[scarew]

Thats probably a good decision for you. Games are for children. Be upfront and tell her that you are getting mixed signals from her. ((((hugs)))) good luck sweetie

[BeStrongBeHappy]

she's either actively toying with your feelings (power trip?) or else is just looking at you as a 'backup plan' should her other social activities fall through...

 

either way, you deserve someone who makes you a priority, and sticks to her promises unless she has a really good excuse not to... she'd be a flakey friend OR girlfriend, so i'd back burner her yourself and spend time with people who treat you more nicely than she does...

[tellmebaby]

thanks so much scarew and bestrongbehappy. I honestly think anything could be possible, it could be a power trip, flakyness, she could have a good excuse, she could like me. I won't know if she isn't willing to open up and tell me the truth, so i guess that says it all right there.

 

 

she tried to contact me again later tonight, and i hear a bunch of people in the background and she asked me to go to a movie tonight with this random person, even though she said she wanted to hang out with me later with my other friend....so i ended up saying i'd call her back and I ...actually hung up on her. I never called because I didn't want to bother with it or let it ruin my night, so i met up with some old friends which was really awesome. But later she texted me and asked me again to go somewhere, i flat out said no. I don't want to come off as being immature about it, like hanging up and not calling back...but i don't see a point in making an effort if she is gunna be weird. I don't see why she is making an effort just to ditch out on me or try to get me hang out with people i don't really enjoy being around.

 

If she has an issue with me telling her i liked her, she isn't trying to express that, she has been avoiding hanging out with me alone and even really speaking to me. Yet she is going at great lengths to try to chill...but only if she can secure a third wheel, almost as if she wouldn't be comfortable with just the two of us all the sudden..but how are we supposed to work things out or talk!? Its all so stupid. At this point,. I almost don't even think its worth the energy to try to figure it out, especially if she isn't willing to seriously talk to me.

 

I have a feeling this friendship is going to end.....regardless if we ever speak of whats been going on.

 

hmmm, life will go on.

[tellmebaby]

it is so difficult to read behavior...geez!

 

I am alright with any outcome at this point. I have re-established some lost friendships, I have grown closer to another good friend of mine. Its not the end of the world if me and her end. Apart of me is starting to think she feels obligated to hang out with me, for some messed up reason.

 

hmm, but If she does like me, she would have to do some more growing up before i could move forward with it. So hmm, I think whats best right now is writing to her because obviously having a direct convo is proving difficult to achieve ...lol, I am gunna email and ask her whats up and tell her how i feel, give her the chance to explain, and then I think i will be able to decided for sure what to do.

 

I have really appreciated the replies, thanks . I'll let ya'll know how it turns out.

[tellmebaby]

so i wrote her, and she responded....

 

she told me all week she has felt like she had to beg me to hang out, even though...that clearly is not how it has been at all, so i have no idea what she is talking about, its just been in the last 2 days ...wow is she ever disillusioned... she isn't making sense. She kept apolozing saying that she tried to hang out with all these people the past 2 days, and it was wrong and unfair of her to try to do that....Which, i agree with.

 

this was the last thing she said....

 

"i miss talking though and i'd really appreciate us hanging out thursday if you're free just to talk about what's going on in school and life and like just get all our feelings straight and lately i've just felt sorta weird, not like abandoned but like alone or like jealous of you and ------ hanging out everyday cuz that's what we used to do, but we're both busy at different times so its hard...i don't know what i feel but im sorry if you've felt that i didn't want to hang out with you because i do"

 

The person she is referring to is my other really close friend ( who had a crush on me and actually made out with me, but then flipped out and told me she was straight, lol....crazy i know). I have had a feeling for quite some time that she was jeolous of this friend, and so has this other friend..she actually feels like she is hated by this girl.

 

It doesn't make sense for her to be jeoulous...when she has had several chances to just hang out with me. She would have free time to hang out and asked me and my friend to hang out...but it was always bad timing for my friend because she has other obligations sometimes, so i would try to plan and tell her me and her could still hang out and then she would change her mind and say maybe next time with more people...can't be alone with me for some reason...even though for 3 years in highschool it was me and her constantly.

She started not wanting to hang out with just me...actually a little before i told her i liked her. After I told her...she stopped completely, So it doesn't hold much merit with me when she says she actually wants to hang out. If she feels alone liek she said, i dunno what i can do about that, she has been on dates she has been hanging out with this whole huge grupe of people, she has had chances to chill with me,...i have never failed to be there for her...I have told her I will be her friend as long as thats possible, I have always been able to make time to chill, I am not a busy body. So its weird to hear her say that.

 

I feel sad

 

ugh. I shall see if thursday actually happens.