Dealing with significant other having depression/anxiety

[Tears May Fall]

Well ive been this going out with wonderful girl for the past 7 months now, and me and her have a great relationship. We love being together, and cant get enough of each other. We've known each other for over 2 years. Both our families have met, and we know its a serious relationship. We are of different ethnic backgrounds, however so far it has not caused any serious conflicts.

 

At the beginning of our relationship, I knew she was taking an antidepressant, but I didnt think much of it because she didnt seem to reflect any major signs of depression, in fact i felt as though she could come off the medication since she seemed to be doing fine. I am a pharmacist, so I wouldnt just make these recommendations without knowing a thorough history and putting my own professional judgement into it. She is a nurse, and also agreed that she had been wanting to do that and that it was a goal of hers, and was glad I was supporting her towards getting better.

 

When her psychiatrist also agreed to lower her dose, within several weeks, she started developing anxiety and uncontrolled symptoms. She hadnt had an outbreak/attack like this in quite some time she said (over a year). She could not control herself at times, she would get palpitations, tremors, a rapid heartbeat, heavy breathing, restless symptoms, constant pacing, nervousness, confusion, anger, uncontrolled emotions, no cognition towards others' feelings/thoughts, difficulty sleeping, chronic fatigue....all basic symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder.

She also gets sick very easily, is always tired -which leads her to not want to go out and do stuff alot of the time, and her parents are very strict towards her staying home and not being out late.

 

She would become only more stubborn/angry when she got into an anxiety period, because she would be frustated. She never understood what made her develop these symptoms and get this way. She still cant figure out what her trigger is. She would at times make me feel at times like whatever i said wouldn't matter or make a difference and that i dont understand what shes going through. She would be very different, nothing like her usually laughing and smiling self. It was strange and difficult for me to deal with. I didnt know what to do, and at one point, she was just like maybe you should learn how to not do anything and just leave me alone when i get like this. This was due to the fact that none of her past boyfriends cared to talk to her about her problems and just let her deal with it on her own, so she was used to that. After a while however, we began to conversate about the topic and she began tryin to try and listen to mwhat i my 2 cents were. Nonetheless, nothing i said made a difference.

 

Her self-esteem isn't a problem really. She states that she has a great life, great friends and family, that she has me, she has everything she could ask for, but doesnt understand why she gets this way. She does have a problem with being alone however. All of her symptoms started when she moved away to college 7 years ago and didnt have very many friends down there and missed her family dearly. She states that thats her black hole, that she keeps remembering all the "torture" she went through down there and how it changed her life, and that she cant forget it. She never likes being away from home even now, and until i came into her life, never even went out with her friends. She sleeps with her younger sister, and whenever her family goes out, they always do things together, never leaving each other alone. She states she always needs someone around her or she'll "loose her marbles."

 

Her psychiatrist has raised her dose back up, but it hasn't fully helped. He added a new medication, but she still doesnt feel its enough. Recently now she started seeing a therapist to figure out what her anxiety triggers are. Hopefully that helps her. I just want her to get better and become more stable so she can feel more confident with herself and be more comfortable with herself.

 

What troubles me, is I sometimes just get frustated when she gets her anxiety attacks. She in uncontrollable, very different from her usually self, and its unpredictable when she can get like that. I dislike the fact that she needs to keep herself consistently occupied with something to do or else she'll loose her marbles, meaning she doesnt believe in taking vacations and taking it easy or just laying back and relaxing, because if shes sitting around doing nothing, she'll start losing it. What happens as a cause of that, is she is too tired to want to do anything. When my friends and I are going out, she almost always stays home because she is too tired, and then i miss her all night long. What also kinda frustates me is that she needs someone to be around her all the time, and that is not practical or healthy. Also, when she calls me at the end of her day at night, she just calls, states she is going to bed, and within a couple of minutes, hangs up, where as I want to remain on the phone and conversate. Something minor that gets me upset, is i like horror movies, and when i ask her if she'll watch a horror movie with me, she says i dont watch them anymore, i dont see a point. I just find it upsetting that she cant open up her mind to something that i enjoy, meanwhile I would be open to something she would enjoy. She says im stubborn in the same way because I cant understand where she is coming from and being able to take NO for an answer. To me, thats being negative from her end, and I dont like accepting negative thoughts, I always have a positive outlook on everything.

Also, We hardly ever have sex, and I mean neither of us have our own place which makes it very difficult, but she never even acts like she wants me in a sexually explicit way unless she's certain that we're gonna be able to ultimately do it. In other words, she doesnt ever act flirty or naughty with me (unless we're gonna have sex), and sometimes it makes me feel as though she doesnt want me all the time. I dont feel desired and attracted. Ive addressed this all to her, and she makes it sound like she understands what im saying and she would go "oh im so sorry im making you feel that way, ill try to be more ______ baby."

 

When things are good, and she is good, everything is amazing, but the second her mood is off, its like a totally different person and totally different relationship, and dealing with the instability of not knowing how she will be from one day to the next is sometimes very frustating. I mean ultimately i just care for her overall well being and want her to be happy, but in doing so, it can be difficult sometimes.

Just want to know if there are others out there that are dealing with something of the sort, and what their ways of coping and understanding are.

[Bethany]

she could not control herself at times, she would get palpitations, tremors, a rapid heartbeat, heavy breathing, restless symptoms, constant pacing, nervousness, confusion, anger, uncontrolled emotions, no cognition towards others' feelings/thoughts, difficulty sleeping, chronic fatigue....all basic symptoms of generalized anxiety disorder.

 

Buy her a copy of "Self Help for your Nerves" aka "Hope and Help for your Nerves" by world reknown pyschiatrist Dr Claire Weekes and ALL those symptoms will disappear within a few months of reading. It's the very thing she has been looking for all this time, it contains the CURE of all those symptoms.

[Momene]

I know you are asking other people for help but reading your post was a great help to me. Both my wife and I have exhibited exactly the sort of symptoms that you describe, although there are some minor differences.

 

One of my biggest triggers is someone getting angry with me, as I get angry with them back. My wife is quite volatile by nature, so you can imagine what might happen. For example, she lost it with me out of the blue today. Although, on reflection, I know why she was anxious, I nevertheless felt a sense of injustice at her anger with me. I am very wound up about work issues at the moment.

 

When I am depressed, I am still sympathetic towards others but have a tendency to only think of my own problems and how they might affect my wife or daughter.

 

I also have the same attitude that your girlfriend has in that I find it very difficult to sit and relax. I always find it necessary to do something and feel guilty about jobs not done around the house. I can also do the opposite and have a lazefest where I simply cannot get on with anything at all but the guilt remains.

 

Quite frankly, neither my wife nor I really know how to cope with ourselves or each other at times. Over the last few weeks, we've had a bit of a general rollercoaster, with our dog having an operation and my employer merging just examples of things going on.

[Tears May Fall]

Buy her a copy of "Self Help for your Nerves" aka "Hope and Help for your Nerves" by world reknown pyschiatrist Dr Claire Weekes and ALL those symptoms will disappear within a few months of reading. It's the very thing she has been looking for all this time, it contains the CURE of all those symptoms.

 

I know theres tons of books out there, im glad you point this one out. I just dont want her to be offended by me buying her a book of the sort. Also, is this certainly the TOP book of its sort? it is rather old....any other books that are good? I came accross another top selling book by Edmund J bourne -link removed, and was wondering if you had any experience with any of his work? Any other reccomendations?

[Bethany]

I know theres tons of books out there, im glad you point this one out. I just dont want her to be offended by me buying her a book of the sort. Also, is this certainly the TOP book of its sort? it is rather old....any other books that are good? I came accross another top selling book by Edmund J bourne -link removed, and was wondering if you had any experience with any of his work? Any other reccomendations?

 

The difference about this book and others is that this book does not help you "cope" with the anxiety disorder, it cures all symptoms and is used in clinics and by doctors all over the world, it is highly recommended by millions.

 

About offending her... I, personally would rather offend her than see her live on medication and in misery for possibly the rest of her life because of this disorder than keep what you know from her afraid to offend.

 

Every symptom she has IS in that book and so is the cure of them, how can you NOT give it to her. That would be like me knowing about it and not telling you about it.

 

Put "freedom" in her hands and let her decide what to do with it. If she chooses not to read it, then so be it but at least you tried because you cared like me.