I don't know what to do

[Makedamnsure]

Hello, this is my first time posting here, just kind of stumbled upon this site. Well, I guess I'll start with the story. I'm Bi, I've been with a couple girls, but no guys. I've been very silent about my attraction to guys, because frankly, I don't want to feel that way(I guess I just haven't accepted it), and I like everyone thinking that I'm straight. Anyway, I started working with this guy back in February until August. I thought he was cute at first, but over time I got more and more attracted to him. I wanted to tell him so bad about how I felt, but I just couldn't, I didn't want to ruin our friendship at all. In August we both went our separate ways, and I moved away to attend college. As the days go by, I miss him more and more. It's been over 3 months since I've seen him, and it's been hell, I can't stop thinking about him. I've been so incredibly depressed lately, and suicide has been running through my head, which scares me. Anyway, I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with this, I just don't know where else to turn. I guess I'm just looking for advice on how to cope with this. Thanks for listening.

 

P.S. This is the hardest part for me to say, he's an older guy, cause for some reason I'm attracted to older guys, which makes things a lot worse. What is wrong with me??

[Cutey20]

First of all, NOTHING is wrong with you, you are who you are and there is nothing wrong about that, please never be ashamed of who you are. Everyone is an individual and there is no right or wrong.

 

Have u been in contact with him in the last 3 months? maybe contact him, become friends again. That way you can see him and maybe decide if you are as crazy about him as you think you are, having 3 months away from someone can really change someone so you may see him and realise the reason you still like him is because you are holding on to the memories and the thoughts of what he used to be like. Who knows, he may have changed, you may have changed. I am in a similar situation, I am crazy about a girl, she moved away (11hrs from where i am ) in Feb and i havent been able to stop thinking about her, im seeing her in 3 weeks and for some reason i think maybe i dnt like her that strongly anymore, i have really changed since she last saw me, ive been getting on with my own life and alot has changed. So perhaps this may happen to you, if not then im sorry i havent been much help...who knows i may still be crazy about my friend when i see her...

 

 

Best of luck,

Take care

 

xx

[Makedamnsure]

Thank you so much for your reply, I know I'm too hard on myself, I just don't know what I'm going to do in the future...

I dunno, I can't imagine that he's changed all that much. He's the nicest person, and he always seemed to make me smile. I enjoyed going to work just because I got to see him. It's weird, I've never felt this way about someone before. It's driving me crazy because I know that I can't be with him ](*,)

[Cutey20]

I know what its like to be head over heels with someone you cant be with, its hard. Everytime i speak to my friend on the phone or online or whatever my heart skips a beat, i get the butterflys in my stomach. I also get the feeling im flirty with her but not realising that im doing it lol just simple jokes or comments i say.

 

Believe me it gets easier with time, if you are definetly sure nothing can happen then just try and put them out of your mind, keep yourself busy so you are less likely to think about them. Maybe try and get out more to clubs and stuff so you can meet some new ppl, maybe even someone to date, try and distract yourself from thinking about your friend, put some else in the picture.

 

 

Good luck, all the best

 

xx

[Makedamnsure]

Well, Whenever I'm with friends I usually don't think about him, and I have a great time. Then as soon as I'm alone again I start thinking about him. Pretty much the hardest part is that I almost felt like he liked me too, but I'm probably just reading too much into it. I want to tell him in hopes of him actually liking me back, but I know the chances are super thin, so I hesitate. I will be moving back in 5 months, so maybe I'll be in contact with him again...but I also feel like I'm just getting my hopes up. I try not to think about it, but no matter how hard I try I can't seem to forget.

On the plus side I felt a lot better today than I have in the past week, hopefully that continues.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Glad your feeling better darl, I know the feeling about not accepting it yet. I only just told my friends recently i was bi. Made it sound like it just kinda happened. For around a year and a half to two years i had seriously known i was attracted to girls as well. And longer thinking about wether i was or not. It tore me apart. When i noticed my friends knew other gay/bi people and didn't care it made me realise its nothing to be ashamed of. Being bi rocks, seriously it doubles your chances lol... I'm kidding don't worry. But i understand thats what i'm getting at.

 

As for this guy in particular well i really don't know what you can do. I know it hurts to here this but if you know it can't happen don't spend time brewing over it. I know you know that to. Just keep out with your mates. But don't ignore the situation either i don't want you to break down or anything. Rant and rave on here we'll listen no matter what ok. And PM me if ya need. Suicide ain't the answer darl, and thinking about it only hurt you.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Hey babe,

 

Yeah being bi its hard to tell certain people because your scared of thier reactions, but its better for them to know,they might actulley know how you feel.thats what happind to me and some friends

I say you should try get in contact with this guy because its killing you.And huney suicide is not the answer.

So do you still have his number?

[Makedamnsure]

Thanks for the replies

 

Theres a couple of good friends I know I can tell, but I just don't want to, you know? Well, at least not for 5 months or so, back when I can actually hang out with them again. Aaand, my family can never know Gah, I don't know what I'm gonna do about that, but whatever, I'll decide when the time comes. I guess I can look at the bright side, being Bi doubles my chances Haha, unfortunately I'm unattractive, but I guess that evens out my odds a bit.

 

I want to get in contact with my friend, but I guess I'll wait until I move back, or I might phone him in January(December is TOO FREAKIN BUSY!!).

 

Anyways, thanks for the replies, getting this off my chest helps a lot. One of my friends at work is Bi, so I may tell her, just so we can sort of talk about it.

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Great idea, its nice to have someone to can talk openly to. And never doubt your image, what others see and what you see can be completely different. And i do truly doubt you are unattractive.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Hey hun

 

Im with rozie i dout your unatractive and my family shal never know.Like neve unless i get a future girlfriend lol and yes being bi doubles your chances of getting laid (as ive said so many times) but its true

 

Yeah its a good idea to tell the bi person you work with maybe they could help you through it

 

And at least you have something to look forward to in january

[Makedamnsure]

Well I guess there is something good about being bi. I still haven't told my Bi friend yet, but I definitely will when the time is right. I'm sure I'll do a lot better when I move back home, it's so lonely here

I'm halfway through though!

[AnotherBrokenDoll]

Yea half way, don't give up now you can do it. And maybe go out and try and meet new people so it wont feel so lonely! Get your friends to introduce you to people that sorta thing

[Newo Ikkin]

Well I guess there is something good about being bi. I still haven't told my Bi friend yet, but I definitely will when the time is right. I'm sure I'll do a lot better when I move back home, it's so lonely here

I'm halfway through though!

 

Half way is a major leap from nothing at all! Your Bi friend will most definitely know the motions you're going through now, so take advantage of it.

 

Btw...Taking Back Sunday...Kudos, man.

[Makedamnsure]

Haha, it's a damn good song, was listening to it when I made my account(couldn't think of a login name, haha). I'm going home for christmas break, can't wait!!

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Yeah i love that song

 

( i was listening to it before

[Makedamnsure]

Like your avatar, Liza, it's a great album!

[Newo Ikkin]

Like your avatar, Liza, it's a great album!

 

Disagreed! *prepares for punch round face*

[Makedamnsure]

well they had some good songs in it. I have found that My chemical romance is an acquired taste though, I know lots of people who really dont like it for some reason...

 

Anywho, in a week I'm going home for christmas, gonna take a long and needed break from this f-ing city...Except I'm getting my hopes up again. I hate this sh*t, I wish I could get attracted to someone I can actually be with, but I'm not attracted to guys my age:sad: I'm attracted to girls my age though, but they're never interested in me, which is why I think I'm unattractive. Maybe I'm attracted to guys cause they treat me like I'm somebody? Or the fact that i get hit on by guys more than girls? I dunno, All I know is that the guys that hit on me are my age, and I'm never interested, and older girls seem to like me more than girls my age. It's freakin opposite than what my needs are!! Anyway, off to dreaming about seeing what seems like the only person I can ever love at our new years eve party.(just wishing that he'll be there, *sigh*)

[hey jo]

just a random post: hope you are feeling much better than yesterday

 

I'm attracted to girls my age though, but they're never interested in me, which is why I think I'm unattractive.

 

i haven't been in a relationship yet; them ladies always tend to confide in me rather than anything else! it's a bit frustrating really. lol. i know this is a bit off track. sorry bud.

 

makedamnsure eh? i just wanna break you down so badly well I trip over everything you say - brill song.

 

goodluck.

[someguy1976]

You should have talked to him when you had the chance. Maybe you could have made something, and maybe there is still a chance, call him up! Don't be shy, and if he doesn't go that way, then play it off, it will be okay. Better to do it over the phone, because that way you won't get punched if he is straight and offended.

[Makedamnsure]

You should have talked to him when you had the chance. Maybe you could have made something

 

I know, I feel horrible because of that. I wish I could go back in time so I could have told him while I still had the chance. I want to call him up on the phone, but it's been 4 months, so I feel like it's too late, and I'll just end up looking like an idiot. I don't know what to do yet, I've been thinking about it quite a bit lately, and it makes me feel really depressed. I'm at home right now, last night of being here. I didn't get to see him, which really sucks, but I'm hoping that I can try to think about other things when I get back to my temp. home.

[Makedamnsure]

Alright, I think I finally have a plan. Last night I had an anxiety attack while I was laying in bed and thinking about life. After that I came to the conclusion that I need to get this off my chest in order to start living life again. So I've decided that when I go back home this weekend I'm going to phone him and arrange a meeting type thing. I just want to talk to him about it, because quite frankly, out of anyone I know I want to tell him, because A) It will make me feel a HELL of a lot better if I told him, and B) I know he wont take it in a bad way and make me regret it to the point where I feel like dying. Depending on how it goes I may or may not tell him that I like him, but for now I think I just want to tell him I'm Bi and leave it at that. I'm just wondering, do you guys think it's a good idea, or have I finally lost it?

[Makedamnsure]

Alright, well, it didnt happen. It turns out 2 days is VERY little time to visit everyone. Well, I'll make sure of it to tell him as soon as possible though!

[scrat]

Hi there, ive been reading your thread and i just wanted to say, that i can totally relate to your situation. All my life, ive liked girls - i lost my virginity when i was 15 to one that was 21 Anyhow, only recently have i come to the realization that im not as interested in them as i originally thought. My emotions are no longer there, and the physical attraction to them does not exist at all. Its very strange and awkward to say the least.

 

Similarly, ive met someone who i am almost convinced is gay/bi and yet he just doesnt seem to want to admit it. We seem to be very flirty around eachother, and he constantly comments on how i look good, or that my unshaven face makes me look "rugged". I know a few gay people (who dont know about my situation yet) who have met him and ALL agree that he is, but just isnt ready to come out yet or admit it to himself. Well... i have fallen completely for this guy. And its been driving me insane. We work together and every single time i see him my mind starts racing. I dont know how to act or what to say. I want to tell him so badly but just cant bring myself to do it because i value his friendship so much and id be devastated if he stopped talking to me or if things got awkward.

 

So i guess i really have no advice to offer at this point seeing as how im in the same boat as you. I guess we will just have to take one day at a time and see where things go. However, i would definitely recommend that you call him. At least make contact when you are in his area again and see how things are, who knows...maybes hes changed his whole attitude and look and you will hate it Maybe his feelings have changed about you? you can never know right?

 

Hopefully things work out for ya bud! Good luck. Let us know how it all goes!

 

Cheers!

[Bradley]

This is probably a year too late, but I hope it helps all the same.

 

A few years ago, I started working with a younger guy. He was about your age. I thought he was really a nice guy, and frankly, I thought he was pretty cute. A lot of people around the office, however, didn't really like him because he was really out-going. This was probably his first real office job, and he was making the best of it, and they were always putting him down.

 

Well, I found out some months later, that they had labeled him as gay, and had paired us up. I am gay, and I wasn't pleased that they were making this guy feel so bad, and I went to confront them about it. But my friend didn't want to make a fuss. But he did want me to come back to his place, have diner, and sleep over. Of course it would have been on a cot in the living room, and when I said I couldn't, he kind of shut down and said "well I've got a lot of work so it's time for me to get back to it," indicating that I should leave. But for a few moments there, I was feeling what he was feeling. I could see he was disappointed. I knew he didn't want me to leave. I didn't want to leave, but I had already gotten a few mixed signals and didn't want to get hurt or pursue. Nothing ever really happened between us, except an unfortunate MSN screaming match some time later. You see, he had real difficulty expressing his feelings for me, so he would always start the chat conversations with things like "Hot Sex" or "I'm rubbing myself...I mean, Oh Hi 'Brad.'" One day I had just had enough. From my perspective, I felt like I was being lead on. Probably from his perspective, he didn't know how to express his feelings, or if he should, or what would happen if he did, even though he knew I was gay.

 

I'm not mad at him anymore, mostly because after reading your post, I realize that he was probably going through the same thing you have been. I still care about him, but we don't have contact. I wish we did, he's a really nice guy.

 

And about 10 years ago, when I wasn't out to all of my friends, I really fell for a friend. About a year ago, I contacted him. He got married, was expecting a kid, but I still remember the mixed signals I used to get. I think a lot of people are bi, and I think it is a very honest expression of human behavior, because human beings are essentially bisexual. That is the nature of our existence, according to most psychologists. So I told him "well, I'm kind of sorry you got married, I always thought you were really cute." The response was not negative at all. He simply said "I had no idea." We're still talking, we're still in contact. And I felt better for doing it, because I resolved it and I was honest with both of us.

 

I think in the 21st century, it's so much easier to tell people what you are, if you chose to. I think in any century, it wouldn't matter though: people will either accept you or they won't. So, I know it might be difficult, but I would find a way to let him know, unless it's either dangerous to do so, or it's going to hurt him.

 

Thank you for showing me the other side. Being that older man, I couldn't understand what was coming my way. He is a really smart and together guy, so I just took it for granted that he knew how to express himself. I didn't realize that maybe he was struggling with something that I had forgotten I myself struggled with long ago. (By the way, the good news is that, someday you will feel better about being bi; it takes a little time, but it will happen. Trust yourself).

Good luck!