The direct approach?

[dil]

Do guys get scared off by the direct approach? I like someone, but I have no idea if they like me or not...

 

I'm deathly afraid of letting them know I like them, so I've been kinda sending err, mixed signals.

 

anyways, I'm sick and tired of beating myself up. This is what usually happens, I like a guy, and I supress it, then I beat myself over it.

 

I'm too afraid of rejection I suppose. You can view a frightening amount of pain poetry due to this one-sided self-mutilation. 13 poems regarding this one guy, and you can get some idea of the pain I went through...

 

Here's a pain poem:

 

Illogical Agony

 

Waiting, waiting.., waiting;

I look up to find hell in heaven.

 

Clouds aflame, stars askew in a myriad of spectrums

A vortex of souls spinning on in endless monotony;

 

If I only knew the nature of this horror…

If I only knew the nature of this chaos…

 

Perhaps, I could leave this place.

 

Meaningless rivers run down my visage.

The tiniest spark of hope has vanished,

Even before being seen.

[Beec]

The direct approach is normally not the best option. Mixed signals are the way to go. Perhaps you can arrange for a time in which there is a little "alone time" and see if he busts a move.

 

I would also pay attention to him at times and at times don't pay attention.

[dil]

good, that's what I've been doing.

[Cloud802]

I don't know about a completely direct approach either, but try not to make your hints like riddles, that really confuses the guy. Make them slightly obvious, but not corny.

[dil]

I don't know about a completely direct approach either, but try not to make your hints like riddles, that really confuses the guy. Make them slightly obvious, but not corny.

 

He sends me mixed signals too.

 

He's probably playing me like the fool I am. Hmm..getting scary again.

 

I'm so bizarre, I blocked him on msn after he implied he wanted me to go with him to this play because I got pissy because it costs too much and he was too dense to realize it. He'll talk to me, and then mysteriously disappear, and leave me hanging, thereforeeee I got pissed and blocked him.

 

he probably doesn't have a clue.

 

wait...that made no sense...okay, I'll flesh it out...he talked to me and implied he wanted me to go see a play with him, and then when I said I couldn't afford it, his status was set to 'away' and I got pissed off and blocked him because he always disappears like that and leaves me hanging.

[dil]

I give up.

 

what the hell's the point. I'll die alone and that's romantic. Die alone with my poetry like Emily * * * *inson.

 

how dare they!!! it's a name...a name of a famous poet...I despise this...blistering offensiveness danged uncalled for censorship.

 

d ickinson...

[Cloud802]

It's the automatic censor system, I don't know if this'll help but maybe you should unblock him and just talk to him.

[Beec]

dil, you seem to be telling us that you don't know how to play the game. Well, study it and learn. Need suggestions on how to do that, ask. I won't say I know exactly how to tell you how to play, but I can refer you to things from which I learned.

 

I wish I learned when your age. It took me a few decades longer. Still learning.

[dil]

No, I have no flipping clue. I've only dated one guy in my entire existence and he was more clueless.

[Beec]

OK, so you have no clue. Maybe, just maybe, you can work on getting on. First thing, go, go now, and see the "free pinciples" area on link removed. Lesson one, theory as to why people fall for who we fall for.

[dil]

my parents bought me a book on dating, it kinda helped, so I have some vague notions..

 

actually, I pretty much have it memorized.

 

Hmm, I'm not doing anything wrong, the only thing i'm doing wrong is agonizing over it in private.

[Beec]

No one book does it all. But, you need to understand the concepts here. Look: link removed

 

Come on, I read this stuff all the time.

[TheRedQueen]

The direct approach is normally not the best option. Mixed signals are the way to go.

HOGWASH!!!!!!

 

If you are confident and self-assured, or even if you aren't, the direct approach is always the best way to go. Believe it or not, people DO NOT like to be manipulated and mentally messed with.

 

Mind games are fun when they are consensual, other than that they're just plain mean, or a complete waste of time.

[dil]

BEHAVIOR PRINCIPAL #1

 

People Subconsciously Grow Dependent Upon Those Who Satisfy Their Emotional Needs

 

Right, then why do I find the * * * * * * * * who destroy my self esteem for me?

 

BEHAVIOR PRINCIPAL #2

 

People Are Most Attracted To Those Who Exhibit Some Degree Of Aloofness And Emotional Independence

 

yes.

 

BEHAVIOR PRINCIPAL #3

People Want What They Can't Have

 

Double yes.

 

BEHAVIOR PRINCIPAL #4

People Make Conscious Decisions Based On Subconscious Feelings, Then Justify Their Decisions With Reasons That Sound Good

 

most likely.

 

This stuff is good, I know it........but, need to discipline myself.

[dil]

HOGWASH!!!!!!

 

If you are confident and self-assured, or even if you aren't, the direct approach is always the best way to go. Believe it or not, people DO NOT like to be manipulated and mentally messed with.

 

Mind games are fun when they are consensual, other than that they're just plain mean, or a complete waste of time.

 

hmm, interesting...

 

I was always told a guy liked to persue, thereforeeee I should be as cool as possible. Look where that has gotten me.

 

nowhere.

[TheRedQueen]

Not all men like to pursue, and in my experience, this is especially true of male introverts.

 

Life is too short to play games. Being forthright saves time and unnecessary heartbreak

[dil]

Not all men like to pursue, and in my experience, this is especially true of male introverts.

 

Life is too short to play games. Being forthright saves time and unnecessary heartbreak

 

I'm the classical, rot in a room sulking type.

 

in fact, I'm doing that right now.

[now_better]

so start pursuing guys

[dil]

I get hit on about once a year, that's about how attractive I am.

 

* * * *.

 

I don't understand why. I'm doing that stupid thing again.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

Would a guy got turn off, if a woman just approach them and say,

 

"I had a crush on you. Are you interested to date me?"

[silentalways]

u know that answer, its the same for women. why do people think things are different that way. i have always let someone know i am interested and then its the other person's job to respond - its not complicated. if u get silence, that means 'not going there' - not rocket science.

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

If things does go well, when people or your children asked "Dad, when did you first asked mummy out for a date?"

 

Would you answer, "No, mummy first asked me out for a date during high school."

 

and your children would answer, "Wow, dad, I didn't know mum was so brave back then."

 

It remind me of Gilmore Girls episode, when Lorelai Gilmore want to know how it felt to kiss a guy and approached Christopher to get a kiss.

 

The point is, would a guy felt embarrassed to be asked out by a girl instead of them asking?

[Don_Eduardo]

Why oh why does it have to be a game?!!? That just makes it sound like we're all players competing against each other. I prefer to look upon life as a co-operative process, and if that is what makes me be alone then 'so be it Jedi'.

[Beec]

Why oh why does it have to be a game?!!? That just makes it sound like we're all players competing against each other. I prefer to look upon life as a co-operative process, and if that is what makes me be alone then 'so be it Jedi'.

 

When a puppy wants attention, it does the simplest thing possible, it heads right for the person or animal it wants attention from, wagging its tail, and basically asks for it. Human beings are not so simple. We are just not. If we were as direct as a puppy, we would get no attention, and we would be considered very needy.

 

You can question and want to change how we function as human beings, but it just won't for you to act like a puppy. There is some level of self control and game that needs to be played.

 

dil, quoted something I referred her to and it is plain old good stuff. Give someone emotional fulfillment, and they will want to be around you more,provided you remain aloof and independent. Get needy and clingy, i.e. act like the puppy, and they won't want to be near you. Why do we love in puppies and what we run from in humans? Well, we want to see self control in our mates, not puppy behavior which exhibits little of it. We love it in puppies, but we are not seeking them as mates or partners.

 

Some one who is naturally self confident will not want anything like the puppy kind of attention, while someone who is more insecure will want something much closer to it. However, the insecure person often cannot even work up to just asking for it until their emotions gush over after they have known the person for a while. And instead of using the puppy approach, they engage in all kinds of passive-aggressive behavior, which dogs know nothing about, that says they are needy, not self confident.

 

Someone who is truly self confident needs no game, or thougths of a game. The game is already won inside of their head. Anyone you know who is both self confident and giving (generous, giving of themself) is probably among the most popular and well-liked person you will know.

 

But how do you go from being a needy, clingy and insecure person to being secure with someone you love? Well, you use gimicks to make yourself feel more confident, you plan a game to follow that will be likely to work, and as it does work, or as your game plans work better and better over time, you get more confident in you and them.

 

If you are really confient, don't think about a game. If you are not, PLAY BALL.

[Cloud802]

Hello again dil, you can never be to sure, the direct approach sometimes works, and after doing some reading I think that's what would be best for this situation.