Jump to content

My Thanksgiving & 40th Birthday - not a peep from my Ex!

Recommended Posts

Yesterday.........My 40th b.day and what a let down. I had a great celebration w/ the family and all, but after it was all done, how sad and lonely to come home to an empty house and alone! To add to my sadness.....my ex(which is the whole reason I'm here) just set up a new myspace yesterday today to show the world how much she's "In Love" w/ her new boyfriend and his 3 year old son.


We broke up six weeks ago after she told me she thought she may have feelings for someone else. She txt me twice two weeks later to which I didn't respond, but rather called her the next morning and asked politely for her to decipher the txt, since she had written them in code. We had a brief conversation and otherwise it's been NC between both of us since. I told her I was upset/hurt and felt some betrayal the first two weeks of our breakup, but I'd be fine and "wishing her the best" two or three times and let it go. She didn't really understand the "wishing her the best", but I said, "hey you wanna persue a relationship w/ someone else, so I want you to be happy and hope it works out.''


First, the girl can't hardly type on a computer, let alone set up a myspace acct., but somehow she managed to get it finished just in time for my a surprise b.day present. Coincidence? I checked out her boyfriends myspace account on Sunday (and there was no Ex's myspace), so it's entirely plausible that she could have gotten it set-up on Monday or Tuesday, but there were no posts from friends, etc. before today which leads me to believe it's been set-up in the past few days.


Since her father died in June, we had been on/off a couple times, but she would always call and try to get things worked out w/in a couple weeks because I treated her so well. She'd admit at the time to everyone that she had "life really, really good" with me!


On the other hand, when she decided for the 3rd time, she wanted a break (and physically attracted to someone else) I got pissed because of her on-again off-again game playing. I WILL NOT PLAY SECOND TO ANYONE! PERIOD! EITHER YOU WANNA BE WITH ME OR YOU DON'T. THERE'S NO GRAY AREA WITH ME. I have more dignity and self respect than that, but I think she realistically expected me to chase her for a short period of time, which I didn't and still don't do.


What should I do as far as my ex? Continue NC and wait for her to make the next move (if ever), since she decided she wanted to persue the other guy and chose to dump me? What a/b the myspace thing? Besides stay away from her myspace! She knows I'm out there ALL the time looking for people I know. Is it logical to think this some type of game to RUB it in my face to show she's now w/ this new guy?


Thanks for everyones advice!

Link to comment

I think you should just do you best to move on. If you do and things are good, great. If at any time she wants back, then you have a choice to make. So far, I think you have acted as well as can be towards her, based on what you wrote. Live life, without her. If she comes back, choose what you want to do.

Link to comment

2001~wow we have allot in common. I turned 40 on Tuesday, no word from the ex..(In my case thats proabaly a good thing~because she called yesterday and it was not fun) I was a little upset at first but them I remember, hey we split up, she really didn't need to be calling anyway...

I'm sorry you are having a hard time. It does get better. I would say yes, go back into NC. I would also remind you that

NC aslo includes places like myspace, because those sights can be painful as well. I think the key to NC is to begin to remove them from your short term memory while preventing them from doing additional harm to your emotional state while healing. Post and read often and know you are not alone in this.

Take good care~


Link to comment

Id would agree with the above posts, do your best to move ahead, and live your life as best you can ( easier said than done). I can tell you that waiting for her to make any kind of move keeps you in a limbo, and can make you feel even worse. So for now keep NC. Stay off myspace, and keep posting.


You seem like a logical person, and your on the right track already.


You are going to be ok. I promis. Time.


Hang in



Link to comment

Under the circumstances, I doing well, but I hit a brick wall last night when I found her myspace. My friends (girls) have told me that they use these tactics to make their ex jealous, so having said that.....it is plausible that she could have gotten it set-up on Monday or Tuesday just prior to my birthday to give the knife in my back a slight twist. Do we agree? Other than vindictivness, is she doing this to try to get me jealous and contact her?


Granted, whatever her reason, it's not gonna change my outlook, but I'm curious about the whole myspace game playing BS!

Link to comment

First of all I completely understand the Myspace thing. It tore my heart open every time I saw my ex on Myspace, link removed, Lavalife (where we met... He hadn't even updated his profile since August 2004 no less, haha) and other sites of that nature. I realized that the only thing I could do was stay AWAY from those sites. It's a matter of self control. I know you don't want to hear it, but it really IS all about staying away. I don't plan on putting my profile back up online until I'm ready to see my ex in every bloody search. I'm not there yet, but I will be. You will be too one day.


As for the call... It sounds harsh but she didn't owe you a call. She broke up with you. She's seeing someone else. She decided to set up a Myspace dedicated to not-you instead of call you. Take that to mean she's not the person you thought you loved. SHE didn't hurt you in this case, you hurt yourself by having certain expectations. Believe me I have been where you are now and it hurts I know. But don't set yourself up for disappointment; expect nothing because it seems like that's exactly what you're getting from her.


The best thing you can do now is heal then find someone else and live well!

Link to comment

Thanks ya'll! (Forgive my slang......I'm from the South, though I ain't no redneck) LOL


I've got a close friend who repeated almost the exact same advice "I'm sorry, no one can tell you why your ex is doing what she is doing, but the thing is, she can't DO anything to you, if you don't look at the myspace. The only power she can have over you is the power you give her."


She said, "If I give in and respond with a quick IM and say something like "I hope your happy" or "something attempting to be considerate", she indeed knows that she's gotten to me and recognize that I've looked at her account, whereas if I don't respond and she receives nothing from me, which she won't, she will have wasted the time trying to get under my skin and never realize the outcome.


Damn, it's tough though when your on-line and you can see they're on-line, but yet neither of us say anything! Don't you just wanna say something, either nice or hateful, but damn........you just wanna send something thru.

Link to comment

LJ, Happy Belated Birthday! I'm sorry that you're feeling down. Like others have suggested, I think you'd be happier if you can ignore myspace. I know that's easier said than done. I think there's a natural tendency to be curious about those with whom we've been close, like our exs. My ex and I had met online almost 9 months before we met in person. I don't know all the reasons why she left. However, I'm not looking to see if she's established an online presense anywhere. I don't want or need to know. It's better for my psyche. She definitely hasn't wanted to have communications with me. My birthday is tomorrow and I don't see her writing or calling. She's just walked away, cruelly. I'm holding on to many of her possessions and don't know what I'm going to do to get her to make arrangements to have them picked up. (I don't see her ever having the courage to face me personally again, given the way she left.)


This is going to be a very lonely birthday for me. When I retired, I reluctantly agree to move to the far west, away from my extended family and close friends because my ex wanted to be within 1 1/2 day's drive from her grown children. Now I find myself far away from good friends and family. I've made friends here, but none are close, they're more acquaintences. Plus, I'm odd man out now that I'm no longer part of a couple and I don't see myself getting invites from many of the couples whom we knew here. I'm not feeling well so maybe I won't miss not having any celebration if I'm in my sickbed with a sleepy fever. (I had to spend 4 hours digging the driveway out from snow again even though I have a respiratory tract infection. Now I'm feeling feverish.) Anyway, hang in there LJ. Try not to think of your ex or visit myspace. Keep hanging out with your online friends here. We'll all get through our down days together.

Link to comment

No apology needed 2001ACU. The slang is different, the heart bleeds the same.


Damn, it's tough though when your on-line and you can see they're on-line, but yet neither of us say anything! Don't you just wanna say something, either nice or hateful, but damn........you just wanna send something thru.


It's tough but sometimes inertia is the best move, thus, the power of NC.

Link to comment

Whoops, my apology LJ and 2001ACU. Somehow I got mixed up on who started the thread (I'm running a fever now, so that's my excuse). Anyway, Happy Belated Birthday 2001ACU, my post is directed toward you. Again, sorry I misread who started the post. I'd better just read and not respond since my head's foggy right now.

Link to comment

Happy Belated Birthday to you Lonesoul and to you tomorrow stunned!


And thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement. Again, I know I'll make it, just it a small speed bump last night. Since I know she's vindictive, I get somewhat empowered by the fact that she wants "someone to chase" her and she ain't gettin' it from me!


We used to do some awesome stuff together and I introduced her to a lot of things which more than likely she won't have a chance to do again. Maybe she will, but I don't really think so, not the road she headin' down now. I've realized its sooooo much more fun to give than receive.........as long as it emotionally it remains healthy. I never showered here w/ gifts, nor sent her flowers or bought jewelry for her.........any stuff like that, but we live in the Carolina's, so the beach is 3 hours one way and the mountains are 45 minutes the other way. She had it pretty damn good....especially to walk away for someone w/ a 3 yr old son. I also have no children, so it was easy to take-off for the weekend on a moments notice.


What about the rebound thing? Any comments or suggestions on her jumpin' from the pot to the fryin pan, so quick?

Link to comment

Yes, Happy B-Day tomorrow Stunned ! Give Buddy and the rest of your 4 footed kids a hug and enjoy your day, would ya??




And thank you everyone for your kind words of encouragement. Again, I know I'll make it


2001ACU, it's ours words but your voice is the encourangement. We'll all make it.


What about the rebound thing? Any comments or suggestions on her jumpin' from the pot to the fryin pan, so quick?


I wouldn't worry too much about it. Every smile reveals the teeth, every rebound has a potential bite. Just focus on your well-being.

Link to comment

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
  • Create New...