New relationship...thoughts and views

[ratchet]

I am new here, so forgive me if I placed this in the wrong forum.

 

I am divorced, with one child and one step child. I am moving in with my new GF and she is out of a long term relationship with a child.

 

I do not get along with my ex; however she gets along with her ex (I do not know if that is important) I am the first guy she has dated after her breakup.

This is the first woman I have lived with after my divorce.

 

I guess my question is: What are the chances of this relationship working out?

 

What are some pitfalls to avoid?

 

Anybody have any experience with new relations after divorces? I am not looking to be uplifted, just interested in honest feedback.

[tictactoe2006]

How long have you been with her? Jsut be careful that she doesn't start pressuring you for marriage.

[Beec]

I don't think anyone can tell you the chances. It really depends on the two of you. If you treat her such that you work for and want the best for her, then she will want you. If she does the same, you'll want her. If you are doing it, then work at it and good things will happen.

[chai714]

First and foremost, the general characteristics of all successful relationships should be present: trust, common morals/values, common background, religion, etc. It helps to agree on the "big ones" because it makes for less conflict and mutual understanding among the two involved in the relationship.

 

Nobody can tell you the real chances of it working out or not. Things I would consider would be how well she gets along with your child (assuming your child lives with you), how well you can manage relations with your ex (keeping the drama to a minimum) and just having the ability to adjust to her living with you and your child. These would be my primary concerns. Hope this bit helps.

[Day_Walker]

I am concerned that you will be moving in with your new gf and you both have children. I would think that perhaps you would want the relationship to develop first before you make that kind of move.

[Batya33]

The obvious pitfall I see is the impact on the children. Children get attached and since you and she are not committed (not engaged with an iminent wedding date or married) there is a great risk of instability and my personal view is that your living together arrangement does not give the right role model to the children.

[ratchet]

Thanks for your replies, keep them coming.

 

We are moving in together partly because of financial reasons. We live in an area that has a high cost of living. Her daughter will be with us full time, my ex and I have joint custody and lives between the two of us. Because of this, and our jobs, moving isn't an option right now.

[Batya33]

I would prioritize the best interests of the children over your financial situations (and yes, even if it means less money with which to support children - just spend a little less $ on each other).

[Momene]

I am remarried after a divorce but neither of us had children from previous relationships. We are both the natural parents of our daughter.

 

The stats were not in our favour. I was older (8 years) and we were from different hemispheres let alone countries. We've had problems but we've been together for 17 years. First marriage was only 3.

[ratchet]

I have read over my previous post and forgot to mention that we are engaged. Also, when I speak of our financial situation, I do nor mean we need to cut back on our spending, I mean we need our combined income just to pay bills and put food on the table. Before we moved in together she was staying with a friend and I was living in a room supplied by my work.