I'm Terrified of Breaking up with her...

[heap23]

I think i've come to a concluision to break up with my long time g/f.

 

But I know she has no idea that its coming, and i havent exactly made it seem like i was unhappy.

 

Two reasons, why I'm breaking up with her...

 

one is getting on my nerves all the time, and becoming self-centered...

 

two is there's someone else.

 

 

i need help breaking up with her, but i want to avoid mentioning theres someone else...but if i tell her, im just not in love with her anymore, she's gonna cry, and get really upset, and tell me she can change, and all basically begg me not to.

 

but i need to be strong.....what can i do? how can i be strong? anyone with exprience that can help me??

[shikashika]

I think i've come to a concluision to break up with my long time g/f.

 

But I know she has no idea that its coming, and i havent exactly made it seem like i was unhappy.

 

Two reasons, why I'm breaking up with her...

 

one is getting on my nerves all the time, and becoming self-centered...

 

two is there's someone else.

 

 

i need help breaking up with her, but i want to avoid mentioning theres someone else...but if i tell her, im just not in love with her anymore, she's gonna cry, and get really upset, and tell me she can change, and all basically begg me not to.

 

but i need to be strong.....what can i do? how can i be strong? anyone with exprience that can help me??

 

 

DO NOT AVOID MENTIONING THERE's SOMEONE ELSE!!!!!!!!!

 

Do not be a COWARD!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

you can't break up with someone but not tell her why.. that is very immature!

 

do you care for her? do you want her grieving time to be as short as possible?

 

Tell her the two reasons then... otherwise, if she has no idea she will keep asking her for reasons..

 

 

When i hear if people planning to do this and LYING about the reason for the beeakup... it REALLY pisses me off..

 

She WILL find out sooner or later and then will think what a liar you are!

 

be MAN and tell her the TRUTH!

[Juliana]

I agree. Be perfectly honest with her, however, bear in mind that the reasons you think you have for breaking up with her, and the actual reasons, may be two different things.

 

For example, you may think she's too self-centered. In reality, she may be an ordinarily self-centered person, but you are insecure with a deep-seated need for constant attention and approval.

 

So, in other words, when breaking up with her, take care not to make her feel that it is her own personality that is the reason you are breaking it off. You are not in a position to judge her as a human being, so just talk about your own feelings. If you can avoid making her feel humiliated and responsible, you may not have to put up with her begging you to stay, promising to change, etc.

[laboheme]

I agree with shikashika and Juliana about telling her that there's someone else. It will make things easier for both of you. If you just say that you're not in love anymore, she is much more likely to try and change your mind and become a begging, clingy ex. However, if you make it clear that you're interested in somebody else, it will give her a better sense of closure and she might have an easier time accepting that the relationship is over, although it may be a harder blow at first. But, that doesn't mean telling her everything there is to know about this other person (meaning whether or not you cheated on your girlfriend with her). I think it suffices to say that you simply met somebody.

 

If you're absolutely sure that you don't want to continue the relationship, you're doing the right thing by breaking up with her, it's for the best in the long run. You can even tell her that if you like. If you try to stick with things when you no longer like her personality and are no longer in love with her, it just prolongs the torture. Not to mention that it's unfair to both of the girls who are involved.

[Jayar]

Don't EVER make it about blaming her. You're not happy. You're not compatible with her. That's fine. Tell her that you're not happy in the relationship any longer, and would like to pursue something with someone else. That's it. Be considerate but firm. Don't drag it on.

 

Yep, she'll cry. She'll beg and plead... Then she'll get over you completely. My ex did this exact same thing to me 4 months ago, and now I can barely remember what he looks like. Oh and of course if things DON'T work out with this other person, for crying out loud don't call your ex back telling her you miss her and made a mistake... She might actually fall for it and let you settle for her and that's not right for either of you.

 

You're taking a risk. But it could end up being a good risk. Just be fair. Don't be selfish. Good luck!

[itsallgrand]

So, in other words, when breaking up with her, take care not to make her feel that it is her own personality that is the reason you are breaking it off. You are not in a position to judge her as a human being, so just talk about your own feelings. If you can avoid making her feel humiliated and responsible, you may not have to put up with her begging you to stay, promising to change, etc.

 

Excellent! Honesty + taking full responsibility for your decision is the key.

 

And be firm. Keep it short. Let her have her say, answer the questions she may have, then end it quickly. DON'T draw it out long. DON'T take her somewhere nice, or do anything special on this day. Try to be considerate of how to make it as painless as possible for her. Since you know her, you'll know what to avoid if you think.

 

Good luck.

[Momene]

However well you dress it up, she'll be upset. If you tell her you cheated, she will (rightly) become angry and maybe even violent. I'm not in total agreement that you should tell her this, she may already have her suspicions. For now, just say you don't love her anymore but IF she asks be honest.

 

Don't keep her hanging either because the relationship has no future for her.

 

She will have a hard time but having been dumped myself for someone else, yes it WAS hurtful and she lied about there being someone else but I got over it, eventually remarried and had a great daughter.

[EvaGina]

If she wants to see you or talk to you afterwards, DONT DO IT!!

 

Leave it for a few months or a year or so before you start talking to her again, if you go out for coffee with her and things, she will still cling to hope that you will go back to her.

 

Make it a clean break, dont reply to her emails or anything.

 

Tell her she hasnt done anything wrong, that she isnt bad or anything, but you just dont want to be in this reletionship any longer. She will get over it, ony a handfull of reletionships last.. and most people survive.