After 2 months NC she appears

[iceman85]

Hello everyone, I am breaking this off from my other thread because really it changes directions.

 

My ex broke up with me in May, we stayed in contact until I stopped it on October 1st. Last night I am online and she contacts me.

 

Now to give some background we were together for over a year, things were great we really loved each other. Then she basically cheated on me, left me because she said the spark was gone amongst other usual excuses. I did all the typical begging and pleading for awhile. I stopped all of that but we would always talk and it would get into things and get ugly.

 

I decided to make one last stab at things at the end of September. She came up to my place and we went to a show. I talked to her face to face and let her know what I was feeling, everything and that I wanted to be with her again. She told me that I should get over her. I told her if thats what she wanted thats what I would have to accept. I gave her a journal of my thoughts from the time of breakup and told her we shouldnt talk to each other anymore. She agreed and that was the last I had heard from her.

 

Then last night she instant messages me out of the blue. I was a bit hesitant to reply at first but ultimatley decided to. I was suprinsgly relaxed and not too worried about it (sign of me being alot stronger from NC).

 

She was nice and just updated me on herself, asked me mostly how I was doing. Asked me if my love life was better? How school was and if I was over her yet?

 

I told her that I just go with the flow, i've been very busy and don't think about romantically related ordeals. She said she just wanted to check in and would talk to me later.

 

Now I know that this is nothing, im trying to just write it off and not care. The 2 months of NC really helped.

 

My question to you all is what do I do now? If she contacts me again do I respond? How do I take things from here?

[laboheme]

Well, what do you want to do? It really sounds like she contacted you strictly as a friend, so the question is, are you ready for that? Based on what you said, it doesn't sound like you are, since you're still wondering about how to take things from here. I think you should stick with NC from your side for sure. But how did it make you feel after your talk? Did you feel set back at all? Did you start missing her more and maybe harboring hopes of reconciliation? If you felt anything like that now and she contacts you again, tell her honestly that you're not entirely over her and it's difficult to try to restart a friendship. I think she'll understand...after all, her asking about your love life and you being over her could potentially indicate the fact that she's trying to be sensitive to your situation and not push for friendship too hard when you're not ready for it. Of course, if could also indicate that she's just curious or trying to boost her ego by finding out that you haven't moved on...

 

Hang in there...and only respond if you actually want to talk to her and if you truly, honestly feel like it doesn't set you back at all.

[langford]

Leave this section of your life behind,she has moved on and wants you to.She was just checking up and catching up,I would'nt talk to her any further it will just keep you stagnant and stuck in that painful period of your life.

[Captain34]

i wanted to add a different perspective...

 

she contacted you due to some motivation, but you really can't be sure as to what that is.

 

i wouldn't come to any conclusions, i would just go back into NC mode. but, i dont like to advise against speaking with her if she contacts you -- if you can handle that. stick to NC, let the contact go and keepmoving forward. dont react to it, stay along the same path.

 

in time youll be better able t gauge her motivation based on her actions to break NC. remember: be receptive, NOT reactionary.

[iceman85]

To be brutally honest, even though i've done NC and everything I still do care about her and would like to get back with her. Now this isnt like it was when all this started happening, its not a killer for me. I know there are other girls out there that are wonderful and that would make me happy. I just loved my ex so much that I still care about her and would like to get back with her but if not then oh well.

 

Suprisingly I didnt feel that bad after the talk it was like we talked when things were going really well. No arguing, no fighting, just a good smooth conversation.

 

It didnt make me miss her more. I just thought about everything more today since she did contact me and I didn't expect it. But I wasnt overwhelemed with horrible feelings or anything like I was before. I didnt get swelled up and nervous like I did talking to her before.

 

I dont know if I could do friendship now, I do still care about her more. I dont think talking to her will set me back unless I do it too much and start to become really emotionally involved again.

 

I know it wasnt anything in her contacting me, she just wanted to check up on me and I appreciate that because I can see she does care for me in some way.

 

What I'm trying to ask I guess is feeling the way I do, how do I go about this? I don't think that I should outright ignore her, I went 2 months of NC and I feel great

[TornTattered]

Man... Id just go back to NC. Unless u are able to be just friends. My ex contacted me the same way. Until i finally put an end to it. She talked to me because she thought i was moved on... as much as she was and wanted to be friends. Bah. She is probably just checking in on you.

[iceman85]

Thanks Captain I feel the same way, it must take some balls to talk to someone after you both agree to really never talk again. I know that if it was me in her shoes I would be a bit nervous in contacting again.

 

I'm not gonna be reactionary and I wasnt last night which I am very proud of. I couldn't have done that without taking time to just get back to being myself and not worrying about everything.

 

Torn-Me and her specifically talked when I told her we should have no contact that we couldnt ever be friends because of what we had before. We were together for over a year, we were everything to each other, we just had too much in that capacity to ever really be friends. We both agreed on that. I told her we shouldnt talk to each other anymore and she agreed. I told her goodbye. I really thought that was gonna be it, I was really quite stunned when she took the leap last night but I was pleasently stunned.

 

Your probably exactly right, and no matter how much I move on I dont know if I could be her friend, whenever I see her, I see the girl I loved

[TornTattered]

To add on to what i said... It starts off exactly how u feel right now. She contacts you out of the blue, you are taken back. You have a good easy going conversation. She tells you how much fun shes having ( doesnt include how much fun she is having with some other guy) and asks how u are doing. The conversatino ends. You could care less. You feel good, and arent nervous or giddy.

 

Then 2 days later it starts to hit you. Kind of like a bad itch. " when is she going to contact me again? Does she care again? Why did she contact me? I was doing so good... damnit. Should i contact her? What should i do....? "

 

And thats the beginning. It gets worse. For your sake i would go back to NC.

[iceman85]

Thanks T&T I am feeling a bit of it now and everytime I do I try to tell myself to stop it. I know that I have to just go back to what I was doing, I cant expect her to contact me at certain times or everyday, I cant read anything into any words. I just have to take things at face value, deal with my own ordeals and let things be.

[TornTattered]

Hey man.. u arent in deep yet. Which is great. I did the whole im not feeling bad, it was a good conversation deal for like 4-5 weeks. Take it for what she said. She was checking in on you. Work on yourself man. Try to ignore her. Until she says she wants to work things out.. or says she was wrong or something. Its not worth listening to. I dont want to sound like a downer here. Im just going by what happened to me.

[langford]

 

Then 2 days later it starts to hit you. Kind of like a bad itch. " when is she going to contact me again? Does she care again? Why did she contact me? I was doing so good... damnit. Should i contact her? What should i do....? "

 

And thats the beginning. It gets worse.

 

 

Exactly,my ex contacted me recently,I was completely disinterested and chilled out because I had gotten over them and didnt care to revisit this period of my life.Afterwards I thought no big deal.

 

Two days later i was back at sad square one and asking myself all the above questions.Do not contact her and let it go.

[iceman85]

I'm going to, im gonna just try to act like it never happened and if she contacts me again then she does.

[iceman85]

Ugh, I hate this feeling I have. I feel like I want to talk to my ex but I know its not for the best. I feel like maybe we've had time to get beyond the mess that was the period after our breakup but I have no idea.

 

Would it be insane for me the next time she talks to me, or even for me to take the step to talk to her and ask her if she wanted to hang out or am I just being sentimental?

[Biffy]

Ugh, I hate this feeling I have. I feel like I want to talk to my ex but I know its not for the best. I feel like maybe we've had time to get beyond the mess that was the period after our breakup but I have no idea.

 

Would it be insane for me the next time she talks to me, or even for me to take the step to talk to her and ask her if she wanted to hang out or am I just being sentimental?

 

No dude, you're being emotionally suicidal!

 

You still love her, playing the friend card whilst still harbouring those feelings will eat you up inside and it won't work to "win" her heart back. If she wants to get back together with you... she knows your number. Until then, NC buddy.