who pays?

[charley]

The invitor is the person who asks the other out on that appointment. The invitee is the recipient of the invitation.

 

The traditional rule for friends and business appointments is that the invitor pays. Exceptions are made if the invitee prefers to go Dutch, or if the invitee is much wealthier than the invitor and the invitee wants to pay or go Dutch. However, the most common thing is for the invitor to pay and that is traditional. This in regard to tradtional equality based relationships like friends and business contacts. Since women are equal these days, or striving to be, I tend to apply these traditional equality based standards to women same as men.

 

The above applies to friends and business appointments. However, since women's lib, it also often applies to dates. I personally would follow the above, unless I have substantially more income than the other person, in which case I'd prefer to pay, if she'd allow me to. I don't want to offend anyone's pride.

 

I also have a few multi-millionare male friends who always pay for me no matter if I invited them or not. Well, why not let them pay if they want to? They have more money than I do. However, if I invited them, I always try to pay for both of us and I would pay for both, if they let me, but they never do. They either pay for both of us, or they suggest we go Dutch.

 

The above is for friends and business appointments. For a date, I'd do the same if we have incomes that are anywhere near similar. If my income is much higher than hers, then I want to always pay, if she'll let me. If her income is much higher than mine, as is the case with some of my women friends, then I'll let her pay if she wants to. If in doubt, then I follow the traditional "friends and business associates" rules. If she states a preference, I follow that.

 

Since it was traditional for men to ask women out, it was also traditional for the man to pay. However, today it's very confusing about what is traditional for a date, especially if the woman has asked out the man. So I revert to "what is fair?" What does she prefer? What is traditional for equality based relationships? i.e. - what is traditional for "friends and business appointments" because those are the traditional equality based relationships. Then I try to figure it out from there. There ain't no way I'm letting her pay for both of us, unless she invited me and her income is as high or higher than mine and she wants to pay for both.

 

Typically with my women friends, either I pay for both, or we go Dutch. Occasionally they pay for both if she insists it's her turn because I paid the prior time. I try to focus on what is fair and what she prefers and then figure it out from there.

[Daddy Bear]

when i invite a woman to go somewhere with me that costs money, i'm prepared to pay for everything; but if she offers me her share, i'll take it. when she invites me, i always offer to pay my own way. this is my code, and it's never led to problems.

[Batya33]

when i invite a woman to go somewhere with me that costs money, i'm prepared to pay for everything; but if she offers me her share, i'll take it. when she invites me, i always offer to pay my own way. this is my code, and it's never led to problems.

 

That is typically how it has worked in my relationships. I would not be happy going dutch - don't even like doing that with friends - I prefer to take turns just because I feel awkward with the divvying up the bill. Most of my friends like to go dutch and I always offer to pay more than half if I ordered more. With my boyfriend we never split the bill or go dutch but we do take turns which works for both of us.

 

I will hold the door for a man if I am going through first anyway but I won't go out of my way to hold the door for a man because most men I have encountered seem uncomfortable with that.

[Daddy Bear]

I will hold the door for a man if I am going through first anyway but I won't go out of my way to hold the door for a man because most men I have encountered seem uncomfortable with that.

 

this is another area where i don't see a problem. i'll automatically open a door for a woman (what's the big deal?), but if she gets there first and holds it for me... cool! this ain't the Fifties, after all.

[deejay74]

sorry but i didn't bother to read all the replies.

 

i just wanted to share what i have been taught about who pays for dates. it goes like this: "whoever asked the other person out on a date is the one who should pay for the date". now, it's nice if the person who was asked out on the date offers to pay but it's not that person's obligation.

 

hope this helps.