4 months On

[richard29]

It's been 4 months since we broke up. I've done all that i can to win her back. I sit here now and i do miss her. The long nights sat at home the long weekend being bored. I am getting better but it's so slow. One day at a time, one foot after the other. I give myself a pat on the back every day i don't contact her. The NC is hard, to give something up you love and not share in that persons life is not easy to get your head round. The facts are... If they love you they will find away back if they don't you have to except that you can't make someone love you.

It's the letting go which i'm finding hard, i wish i knew what i done which was so wrong!!! not that it really matters but so i can put right for the next person in my life. I started seeing someone else but my heart was not in it. I'm still broken and only time will fix it. I don't think i'd go back to her now, she hurt me so much. If she ever loved me she would of worked it out.

She taken somethings from me and i'm trying to find them it's long road but i'll get there. I'll keep smiling every day she can't take that from me.....

[rose2summer]

Hey Richard-

 

Breaking up really wreaks havok on you emotionally as evidenced by your post.

 

What is really important though is that you stop hoping for her return.

 

When you are able to do that, you really let yourself heal.

 

But when you keep longing for her, you hurt yourself, hoping she may find herself back to you.

 

You seem ready to move on, but when you think of her, try to focus on the negatives to make the moving on process that much easier.

 

It's a tough road and we are here with you each and every step of the way.

 

Hugs, Rose

[stunned]

Richard,

 

I so understand your pain. Letting go is one of the hardest things to do, especially when you're the dumpee and don't know why your ex left you. You're doing well. All any of us can do is take it one day at a time. Continue to focus on yourself--healing and pampering yourself. Try to maintain positive thoughts and stay active. If you need it, seek some counseling on how to overcome your depression, for this is a major loss and depression is normal.

 

I'm 2 weeks out from my live-in gf of 7 years leaving me. I know she left to live with one of her grown daughters and provide free day-care for that daughter's grandchild. I don't know what I did to cause her to make that decision in secret. (I still think that most people in my ex's position would have sat down with their partner and discussed the situation and not just have slipped out in secret.) She doesn't want to talk with me at this point. I broke NC on the US Thanksgiving holiday a week ago and emailed her but she didn't respond. Maybe once I retired and was around all the time she got sick of me. Who knows, but I've finally rounded the corner and realize that I have to focus on getting me healed. Because I live in a rural area in the US northern Rocky Mountains and we're in the midst of bad winter weather that's been dumping snow for a full week, I chose to signup for a therapist-led online course on eliminating depresson. If the weather here will ever cooperate and quit snowing, I will continue to get out and work with various not-for-profit groups in the nearby town to get my mind of my own situation.

 

I guess what I'm saying is that to heal we have to fully engage in life. Throw ourselves in to activities and take each day as it comes. I know there will be many down days ahead of me, but I must try to face them with optimism. Most of all, I'll keep coming to this forum since it's a great source for advice and moral support.

 

So, hang in there Richard. Try to think of your needs, not your ex. Throw yourself into life, mingle, make new friends (even if you're shy), take on new hobbies, etc. Most of all keep coming back here. We'll all make it through this.