I just cant do "reletionships"

[EvaGina]

I just feel like I am such a douche when it comes to reletionships.

 

I can be dating the most amazing guy... I will love him ot pieces and be totally and utterly happy. I will want to spend as much time as possible with him and all that jazz.

 

But, as soon as I feel committed, as soon as I feel like I cant hook up with anyone else (even if I dont want anyone else) I start going mad.

 

I become overly critical and all that common stuff. But I also start hating them. I will flinch if they touch me or try to hold me.

 

I hate being one of those girls that only like horrible guys... but I am and I dont know why. I only tend to stay attracted to men who treat me badly... but then I also have more dignity than that, so I leave them, while still wanting them.

 

Its a very odd situation and Im not quite sure what to do about it.](*,)

[musicguy]

maybe you are scared of being committed to a guy who treats you good

[ForAnother]

I'd suggest dipping your feet deeper into the relationships. Let it kill you and you may essentially become reborn, have revalations on what it is you want.

 

Self-destruction to recreate. Obviously not THAT intense, but essentially something of the sort.

 

-ForAnother

[Survictor]

I recognise this! You mess up the relationship before you get messed up? Is that the case? You have such a low opinion of men that you do this as a protective measure? Worth thinking about huh? The bad guys.... well you understand that kind of treatment... it's expected.

[EvaGina]

Survictor: Exactly, but I dont know why I do it or how to stop it!

 

 

For Another: Makes sense... but then I dated an amazing guy for 2 years

I still love him a lot, but he kinda hates me... its a weird situation.

I thought I would be with him forever, it still makes me cry if I think about it too much.

 

But then I hated him when we were going out, too. Not as bad as normal, but when we broke up (the most amicable break up in history, btw) we hadnt slept together for 2 months.

[ForAnother]

Well to me you seem to be questioning your personality in relationships. Perhaps this is a perfect time to start experimenting with your emotions. Try and trust a guy more, and believe in him. Just try and choose the right guy I suppose to put your trust in.

 

-ForAnother

[langford]

I've had the same problem in all my relationships,even the one i'm in now.

 

You just have to resist the urge to back out.

 

Hurting them before they hurt you is a common defence mechanism,distancing yourself emotionally and physically from them in order to not get emotionally invested,sort of emotional insurance.

 

Often acting like this is also test to see how much they care about you and if you can trust them or not.

 

You're drawn to guys who treat you poorly because those situations are much more likely to fail,lead to disappointment or mistreatment which is what you feel you deserve for some reason.

 

It's probably some father/childhood/previous relationship issue i really dont know but agree with foranother stick around and see what happens instead of running scared.

[EvaGina]

Im not sure I have explained it properly.

I dont hurt them, its not like I go out and cheat on them, and I am not mean to th guys I date... I just get a physical reaction to them touching me and things after a while.

 

And I do trust them, Im not the girl who gets jelous or nasty, I dont stress if they dont call or anything. I dont even mind if they meet someone else or anything like that, as long as they are honest about it

[langford]

Well its probably just a fear of closeness that you feel.

 

When I refer to trust I don't mean in regards to them cheating on you but trust as in wether or not to trust a person with your emotions,to become united with them emotionally.

 

A loathe of physical closeness is almost like a fear of being vunerable and this could apply to your emotions as well as your physical body.

[EvaGina]

This makes more sense

Its weird tho, I dont think anyone would ever describe me as being closed off... I dont really fear being hurt, emotionally, that is. I am pretty open with people, even if I dont know them well.

 

It sucks that there doesnt seem to be one easy answer, that its not just black and white...