A serious dilemma

[xxsoftwarexx]

My fiance had not called me for 2 days until today. I've been worried and called her cell a thousand times. Well today she called and told me she had went to the doctor and found out she is 5 weeks pregnant. She also told me that before she met me she was with another guy and that it was his. I asked if she still had feelings for him and she said no, then I asked if she cared for me and she said yes. Well I told her we should get together and talk about it tonight and she said ok. Well she hasn't answered any of my phone calls or my emails. She did appologize for worrying me to death and not answering her phone but I don't understand why she's doing it again if she really cares about me. She told me the reason she hadn't called in two days is because she didn't know how to break it to me and how I would react.

 

I mean she's really depressed and shocked over this so maybe she needs time. About a year ago she had lost a baby with another guy but when he found out she was pregnant he left and she still hurts from that. Me and the babies dad are the only ones that know about it, she still hasn't broke it to her parents. I'm just in a state of confusion and shock right now and just want to talk to her bad.

 

I just don't know what to think or do.

[mjeswoosh]

Sorry bro!

 

But let me get this straight, she is your fiance and she is 5 weeks pregnant by another man? And she does not have feelings for this person she was cheating on you with but she had sex with him anyway?

 

It does not add up. I sympathize with you based upon the difficulty of your situation but I would make sure this is not your baby and split. You were engaged to this woman, she has been having an affair with her ex, doesn't sound like she can be trusted. Protect yourself!

[Dilly]

You're handling this like a mature 30 year old. I can not believe how adult and compassionate you sound. It's admirable. Please be careful in these situations. You are so young and have so much at stake. I wonder if this girl knows what she wants if she's been sleeping around like this. Do you?

[Hope75]

I'm confused...

 

Did she cheat on you to get pregnant?

 

You say she is your fiance and yet she is 5 weeks pregnant by someone else.

 

Did I miss something here?

[xxsoftwarexx]

No you guys have it all wrong, we have only been together for a month but i've known her for 6 months. I know we jumped into the engagement real quick, but we became friends then it grew into love. She slept with the guy before we started dating.

 

Anyways, she called me today and told me she loved me and cares about me, but she didn't think I would want to stick around with the dad being involved. We are set to meet tomorrow night and talk about all this. Now I must make the hardest decision i've ever made.

 

It will be hard knowing it's someone else's baby.... But I care for her deeply, I just know it will change my life completely and i'm not sure if i'm ready to deal with that. I mean i'm young, but I care for her and want to be with her. I'm really just pulled in all kinds of directions

[mjeswoosh]

I understand that you care about this person, however, you must protect your feelings too. Your actions and dedication to this woman speaks volume about your character but do not lose yourself in her issues. You are only 19, that is very, very young. Have you considered college, what about your future? What if the father does not stick around, are you willing to work and support this child? What plans did you have for your future before this news broke? It is okay to have feelings for this woman, but keep focused on your life as well. Good luck tomorrow!

[xxsoftwarexx]

I have thought about majoring in history for a few years now, but I was wanting to wait a few more before I decided to pursue that. I feel at this point in time in my life, I needed to get my personal life in order and work to save some money for the future.

 

I do know that she needs someone to stick by her side through this though, because she'll defiantly need it. I just don't see myself walking away and act like nothing existed between me and her. Even though i'm not the dad, I feel in my heart it's my responsibility to stay with her and treat this kid like it's my own. And if I stayed, I defiantly would. I couldn't dismiss the kid because I know it's not his/her fault.

[Hope75]

My first instinct is that age 19, having only dated her for a month, already jumped into an extremely speedy engagement, and now having to face that she is pregnant with someone else's baby, is an awful lot to handle.

 

If I were you, I would seriously reconsider the engagement.

 

I'm not saying you can't date her and see how you feel about the pregnancy and continue to talk about it.... but to make a promise like that, that you know right now you are not certain you want to keep... seems unfair. And now there is a baby's best welfare to think about too.