Why Do People Treat Me The Way They Do

[GeneralLee]

Well, to start out with I'm and 18 year old guy, and I'm still in high school. Before you read my post, and immediately assume that I'm some anti-social goth who can't figure out why no one likes him, let me tell you that isn't the case in any way. I'm an average guy, taller, short brown hair, a football player. I'm a normal looking guy, T-shirt and jeans kinda guy. I have a problem and I need to know if it is all in my head, or if the way I feel is true. Have you ever known one of those people that as soon as you meet them, you like them immediately? Well I am the anti-thesis to this person. It seems to me that there is just something about me that immediately makes people dislike me. I have a friend that is liked by everyone. He could walk up to anyone anywhere and make a friend of them. Me, I just get dirty looks from people. I can read it in their eyes "What makes you think you're good enough to even look at me, let alone talk to me." It just seems like I have to work ten times harder than anyone else just to make an acquaintance. An example. There is a girl I talk to in one of my classes. We talked for a long time and got to be friends, then my friend started talking to her. Now I have to recite Shakespeare backwards in Latin to even get her to listen for more than three seconds, but all my friend has to do is glance her way and she just starts jabbering away. If her an I are in the middle of a conversation, one peep out of him and she'll cut me off mid-sentence to talk to him. Now if this were the only example I had, even I'd have to say it comes off like I'm just jealous because a romantic interest is more interested in him than me, this girl is just the skinny end of the wedge. Whenever two of my friends are together, I immediately become an object of ridicule. I'll glance over and see them whispering between eachother and snickering. They make comments to me that I know are intended just to piss me off (my friends know that I am a fan of the band Van Halen, so one of them will say "Ya, I heard Eddy Van Halen was gay." or "Ya, Van Halen is a * * * *ty band.", and they'll say these things to eachother, but loud enough to be sure I can hear them.) I'll hear them talking about going and doing something together, and I'll ask about it and they'll deny it, like they think I'll try to tag along or something. All I want to know is what is so wrong with me that people decide to treat me like this. And it couldn't be anything I've done to them in the past, because complete strangers do it to me. What is so different between me and the next guy that I'm not even worth the dirt I stand on to most people. I'm generally a warm-hearted guy. I'll help anyone who asks me for it. I'll do just about anything for someone I consider a friend. I'm never rude to people, pretty quiet, I try talking to people every now and then, but everytime I try, they just do one of these:

Once again, I just want to know what it is about me that people dislike so much.

[dil]

hmmmm, are you uptight? Can you take a joke? Are you a pushover?

 

Because pushovers will get jacked around. I used to be an overly nice pushover, got pushed around alot.

[musicguy]

I think that it's all in your head, no one can just dislike someone for no reason. Keep on talking to people. Small talk, chat with people about things that interest you and I'm sure that you'll find that some people might have some things in common with you

[Cloud802]

It can't all be in his head musicguy, pretty much everyone does it to him. I don't know, these people are not your friends at all, stop hanging out with them, and if they complain, say something like, "Oh, so you're pissed now that you've lost your punching bag."

 

And if they apologize don't let it persuade you, I used to get treated this same way until I realized I was just being a jerk to myself by hanging out with these people. It's nothing wrong with you, it's the skewed perspective of the people that look at you, keep trying and you will make true friends.

[GeneralLee]

No, I'm not uptight at all, and I was the loser kid everyone picked on back in grade school, so I'm like an insult Navy Seal, it takes alot to get to me. What do you mean by pushover?

[dil]

he sounds like a nice guy, overly nice people can get jacked around.

 

-used to be the same way, now I don't waste my kindness on ingrates. I've become a bit hard.

[dil]

No, I'm not uptight at all, and I was the loser kid everyone picked on back in grade school, so I'm like an insult Navy Seal, it takes alot to get to me. What do you mean by pushover?

 

it sounds like you take alot of crap from people.

 

don't you snap back?

[Cloud802]

No, that's fine dil, you have to be hard against these people, can't let yourself get pushed around because you think people are your 'friends'. It's a way to get yourself in bad situations with peer preassure.

[dil]

Well, when someone disses my favourite band I kinda lose it... My face goes a bit red my mouth opens up and I scream: 'WHATTTTT." And give them a deathglare...uhm...and my fingers twitch in a strangling motion. I need anger management sometimes now though..ironically.

 

While, you seem to just take it.

 

why would you ask them about it...? They're just immature guys, so the appropriate response to such a situation would be: "[four letter swearword] your couche!"

[GeneralLee]

No, I don't really get angry. Its near impossible to get me to snap. About five years ago my father died. I didn't have a great temper to begin with and his death just exacerbated the issue. This was back in grade school when I still got picked on alot. I'm not a little guy, and when a few of these guys started in on me I kinda lost it and really hurt a few of them. That was about the point I figured out that getting angry and snapping at people wasn't worth it.

[Cloud802]

Well don't get angry, just start standing up for yourself, you're tired of these guys pushing you around so show some muscle, but don't use it unless in self defense.

[dil]

not like 'lose it' lose it...just standing up for yourself in small ways.

[musicguy]

a lot of people make fun of the bands I like, but I'm like "I don't care what you think of them, I like them and if you don't, then that's not my problem..you have your own musical opinions." and this is why I'm not a fan of judgemental people

[RIPDIME]

How cliche of me to say this but fortunately you really arent alone in this feeling. I always feel this, as if an impenetrable black cloud surrounds me which detracts others away. Constantly do I feel as if people just dont like me, or that everyone just constantly ignores me. I am also generally a nice guy, however no matter how nice or even how mean or any way of acting in between I try, I can never really seem to get along with people as everyone else I see does. Let me admit however that I am not "normal" I guess as its labelled im a metalhead (black leather jacket long hair band shirts), so if this has anything to do with this (which I doubt since im now known really only by my guitar skills) than this might be it (like you said about goths). Anyways like youve done here, youve explained how you seem to detract people and as the normal person sees it, their is just excuses. "The crowd you hang out with is bad", "Your a pushover". However to me from all of my experience with this, I really can only base this on three conclusions... one "low self esteem" which means even if you showcase your personality this just makes you feel as if you do detract people, or really that people like you and me do certainly detract people and only god, odin or whatever thing you worship, knows why. Lastly it could just be situational. Where you live youve created a reputation. I know I used to very shy and introverted and weird (still am a bit) and maybe this has just stuck, I mean you did talk about the constant bullying.

 

Believe me ive always tried to fit in just like everyone else, have all these friends, and associate with people just the same as I see. Of course it would also be nice to have a girlfriend yet it seems we are just different than normal people. Because if you define a normal person, how could you relate it to something that is not associated with anyone normally?

[GeneralLee]

See, it's not the fact that they are making fun of a band I like that bothers me, its that they don't seem to have enough respect for me not to do it. To eachother though, they'd never think of making a remark like that to one another. I just don't know why, in their book, I'm so worthless.

[dil]

See, it's not the fact that they are making fun of a band I like that bothers me, its that they don't seem to have enough respect for me not to do it. To eachother though, they'd never think of making a remark like that to one another. I just don't know why, in their book, I'm so worthless.

 

you may just be reading into things too much, people joke around...and..I don't usually get hurt unless a joke came out like this:

 

"You are an obsessive compulsive personality that has no life." - a 'friend', then I got really pissed off.

 

or "You live a sad, lonely existence" - the same 'friend'. or "Nobody loves you and you'll die alone" - another friend, but we're pretty close..so I let it slide..it was really a joke

 

The worst thing you can do, is let it hurt you, the best thing you can do is laugh it up. But yes, don't let people jack you around. If someone's trying to make jokes at your own personal expense, don't let them, they feed off your kindness and decency.

[musicguy]

See, it's not the fact that they are making fun of a band I like that bothers me, its that they don't seem to have enough respect for me not to do it. To eachother though, they'd never think of making a remark like that to one another. I just don't know why, in their book, I'm so worthless.

 

you aren't worthless, they are just disrespectful..try to find some people who aren't disrespectful to you

[jenneke]

I also used to be the same way as you, GeneralLee. I was bullied almost constantly in elementary, and became very nice, had a very slow temper, rarely got angry, never really protected myself, and just generally became very introverted and withdrawn from people.

 

What changed for me, (this was mentioned by someone else as well) was that I moved to a different city. Obviously, this may not be possible. But perhaps removing yourself from that entire circle of friends, or changing schools to have an entirely new crowd. I also struggled with low self-esteem, and it takes a long, long time to get over that.

 

But.. just getting away from all that crap and from all those ingrained perceptions that those people have of you is the first step, i think. cause in a new space with new people, you can build yourself differently for them. I mean, it doesn't happen right away, it is a very gradual change, but it is totally worth it to be able to be with people who know you and who care about you, for who you really are.

[RIPDIME]

And as you can see, my post is ignored, just like real life...

[Cloud802]

Chill RIP, I read it. What's up man?

[GeneralLee]

I have a feeling the Jenneke is right and thankfully I will be heading off to college in July and will be gone for the better part of a year and a half. Maybe some time spent away from these people will help me. Atleast I won't be seeing them for a long time, and when I do come back, I'll be able to look at the way they treat me with fresh eyes. I will also have some real world relationships with my college classmates to compare with my relationships back home, and see how they differ. I appreciate you guys here helping me out with my problem and I really hope that at some point down the road I'll be able to help each one of you in return. On a slightly off topic note, anyone from the greater Cleveland area turning out to see Trans-Siberian Orchestra this weekend?

[dil]

That's great! I had a hideous time in elementary, but when I got to highschool I made tons of cool friends...

 

hopefully it'll be the same for you..

[rmpavlock]

I'm from Cleveland, but I'm not going to the concert. I saw Trans-Siberian Orchestra a few years ago and they were great! Your friends sound immature to me, so I wouldn't worry about what they are saying. If people give you dirty looks or talk over you, forget about them! They aren't worth your time and energy if they can't be respectful. Besides, you will be off to college soon and they probably won't be anywhere in your mind.

[GeneralLee]

You should go. The tickets are only 45 bucks and you can still get floor seats. They are right up there on the list of best live shows I've ever seen. It's a tie between them and Van Halen. Man Van Halen is incredible live (except that Sammy Hagar is fat now.) I'm sorry, I'm just an old hair metal and arena rock junkie. My Ipod is chock full of Def Leppard, Van Halen, Quiet Riot, Twisted Sister, Styx, Night Ranger, Boston, Journey, REO Speedwagon, Rush and all those old bands.

[Cloud802]

Oh man, I went to see Aerosmith when I was ten, my God they friggen rocked. I also went to Kornacopia with my parents, which was a mesh with Breaking Benjimen, All American Rejects, Fountains of Wayne, and Korn, man was that concert heaven on earth. ^_^