possible?

[confusionpetal]

hello.. I was just wondering, because I've been reading around a little; several people have said that it's easily possible to fall in love more than once. What about at the same time?

[Dako]

Unfortunately, you can love more than one person romantically, but it usually forces a choice.

[kittysaysmeow]

I have been in love with two people at the same time, but I would say that it was two different kinds of love. I'm not sure if that makes any sense but I loved them both equally but in different ways.

[confusionpetal]

no, that makes sense, kitty.

and I've made a choice. I'm just not coping with it very well. I guess it's basically the same as not being with someone you love, you know?

[kittysaysmeow]

I completely understand. When I decided which person I wanted to be with I still felt sad. It was like I was grieving the end of the other relationship. It was pretty rough for me for awhile, but it was the best thing in the end.

 

I missed the other person so much. I still do. I think I'll always wonder if I made the right choice.

[confusionpetal]

see.. that's kind of where I Don't want to be in a year. But I don't know what to do. And this isn't a recent thing; I've been trying to deal with it for a year now.

I just don't know.

Which is, I suppose, why I'm on here.

[kittysaysmeow]

I understand. This happened to me 5 months ago and I'm still grieving.

 

If it's been a year then maybe you haven't really grieved and let it go. Everyone keeps telling me to do what you would do when you break up with someone. Cry it out, keep yourself busy, try new things....basically do anything and everything to occupy your time. So far it's been working for me.

 

If that hasn't worked then maybe talking to someone might help. I've also been working with a counsellor and she's been awesome. She puts thing into perspective and helps me deal with feelings and thoughts about him.

[confusionpetal]

I've been trying that kind of thing, unfortunately. I've done everything I can think of. It's just getting hard to occupy my time, as I'm on study leave at the moment and have all day to sit around and think.

 

I suppose I should explain my situation better. The three of us have been friends for almost four years. The other two went out for a short while, a couple of years ago, and I've been with the one I'm with for 16 months. I think I've always loved them both, though. I just didn't realise it until about a year ago.

[kittysaysmeow]

I think occupying your time is key here. I know it's hard to but maybe joining an activity, going to the gym, taking up a hobby...would help you get your mind off things.

 

I also think talking to someone would help. Even if it's a close friend. I would also suggest limiting your contact with the other person. It's only making you think of them more.

 

I know it's hard but a year is a long time to be suffering.

[confusionpetal]

I can't really occupy my time at the moment, unfortunately.

 

and you're right, talking to someone is helping.

I've talked to them both about it, actually. They've both known for a couple of months now, although I've tried to keep my boyfriend happy with how things are. And he's easy enough to please.

 

I just.. I mean, I know I should probably limit contact with her. But there are a million good reasons I fell in love with her in the first place.

and I've tried falling out of love; it gave me nightmares.

[kittysaysmeow]

Do you want to be with her more than your bf?

[confusionpetal]

i love them both so much that i can't imagine loving one of them more. if that makes sense.

[kittysaysmeow]

Yes, I understand. I don't know what else to suggest except either being with one of them 100% or neither. It's not being fair to your bf is you're still in love with someone else. If you decide on him then I seriously suggest to not contact her.

 

Believe me, I know it's hard. I was in a very similar situation, but it isn't fair to either of them.

[confusionpetal]

not contacting her would kill me, really.and it's not that simple; they're both good friends too. they even went out for a while, a couple of years ago.

 

and i know it's not really fair to either of them. but i dont think the alternative is fair to me, you know? and i've gotten into trouble by being too nice before.

[kittysaysmeow]

It may not be fair to you but are you happy now? It isn't about being too nice...it's about what's right. They don't need to stop contact, but you and her do.

 

It sounds as if you are unwilling to change your current situation even though it's bringing you pain and suffering. I know it's complicated and painful, but you either a) change something and maybe become happier with time or b) do nothing and hurt yourself more and the people you care about.

 

I don't mean to be stern. I'm just trying to help.

[confusionpetal]

oh, I know. And I appreciate it.

I've been trying to change, and I've been trying to stop loving her and it's just not good. I can't keep it up for more than a couple of weeks before it gets too much. I just.. I don't know.

 

i think stopping contact with someone i love is too hard for me; im a little fragile.

[kittysaysmeow]

I understand. When I broke contact off I felt like I was going to die. But it got better. It always gets better. Sometimes it just takes that leap before it does.

[confusionpetal]

I guess so. But she's always been there, you know? She's been my best friend, really. for four years

I know what you're saying, I just don't know whether it actually would get better.

[sweetsound]

most people do feelings come and go and at times you just can let go of what there is if they fall inlove they fall in love its just simple words that means something they just got to use them in the right way and if they really mean it

[confusionpetal]

I don't think so; I can see myself feeling the same way about these two in 10 years. easily.

 

I don't know what to do.