How do I play hard to get?

[marthamydear]

I've got a guy trying to take me out and so far I've been ignoring most of his calls and texts. I don't really know him yet but I'm open to going out with him. I have talked to him twice, and I think he's called/texted a total of maybe 5 or 6 times. I need tips on how to play hard to get. If he leaves a message, should I return it or just wait for him to call again? What's appropriate avoidance and what's just inconsiderate? At what point in dating should I be doing this, or when should I stop if it seems to be going well between us? Just at the beginning? I don't want to manipulate this boy, but I want him to have to work a little bit if he actually is interested in me.

 

I hate to play games like this, but I'm trying to avoid mistakes I've made in the past. I really messed up with a guy I was dating before and I don't want the same thing to happen again. Basically, I fell really hard and ended up chasing him instead of it being the other way around. He got tired of me pretty quickly and eventually dropped me with no warning at all. I really think if I been less available, he would have been all over me and things would have worked out. I've done the same thing with other guys too, and I'm tired of getting rejected just for being honest about my feelings and desires.

 

Oh, being a girl.

[annie24]

hey - well, instead of "playing" hard to get, you should BE hard to get. ie, don't let him become the center of your life. I think you should return calls, especially if he is calling you 5, 6 times. but, if you have a full life, you won't have to be "playing" hard to get. ie, you'll naturally have other stuff to do, ie, job, friends, hobbies, volunteering, church, and can't go out with him everytime he asks or make him the center of your universe.

 

if you keep avoiding his phone calls, he may lose interest and move on. you don't want to be IMPOSSIBLE to get!

[MacGyverRI]

Any girl who doesn't return a call is history. Busy is fine, but return calls when you have the chance. Playing games is a big turnoff.

 

You can flirt and walk away in place of just being hard to get.

[musicguy]

hey - well, instead of "playing" hard to get, you should BE hard to get. ie, don't let him become the center of your life. I think you should return calls, especially if he is calling you 5, 6 times. but, if you have a full life, you won't have to be "playing" hard to get. ie, you'll naturally have other stuff to do, ie, job, friends, hobbies, volunteering, church, and can't go out with him everytime he asks or make him the center of your universe.

 

if you keep avoiding his phone calls, he may lose interest and move on. you don't want to be IMPOSSIBLE to get!

 

I totally agree with this post

[doyathink]

In my eyes, playing hard to get is a childish game that most likely will result in a backfire. If he's calling you then answer the phone, he may think your not interested and move on to someone who he thinks is open to dating.

[SkylinesTurnstiles]

Yeah if your interesed in him then why play with him?If he takes the time to call you at least take the time to talk to him

[aymee_lee]

Basically, I fell really hard and ended up chasing him instead of it being the other way around. He got tired of me pretty quickly and eventually dropped me with no warning at all. I really think if I been less available, he would have been all over me and things would have worked out. I've done the same thing with other guys too, and I'm tired of getting rejected just for being honest about my feelings and desires

 

I have been in this situation myself. But I've also found that if it's the right guy, and one that truly wants to be with you, he'll only be happy that you're chasing him too. (Unless of course, you're a total stalker who sends crazy and many text messages/calls... he he). In my situation, and yours probably, things weren't going to work out, because if he wanted things to work out, he wouldn't care that you were chasing him. I've given up stressing over every text message I send. If a guy likes you, they'll appreciate a bit of attention, if they don't like you, one text message isn't going to change much either way.

[annie24]

I think I agree with this. I do agree with this!!! it is easy to say, "oh, maybe i wasn't hard enough to get" but maybe the right guy for you would have really liked how you are.

[ImThatGirl]

I agree with Annie and Aymee!

 

Don't make him the center of your life but don't leave him hanging either!

 

I had a couple friends that dated earlier this year. They were both playing hard to get. Neither of them would take the steps to communicate or show interest as they were waiting for the other one to. Needless to say, they both gave up!

 

I can see not answering every phone call after the first ring but at least return his calls or texts or he will think you are not interested!

[Lansing]

I agree... Returns his calls because the whole "Rules" thing is just lame...

 

If you were the guy posting on here saying "I am calling her five or six times and she rarely returns my calls" pretty much everyone here would say "she is just not that interested... move on"... I think you are sending a very mixed signal. I dated a girl that was sending mixed signals like that (wouldn't return phone calls but, in person would be all over me) and the first thing that came to mind was "flake". It isn't the type of person I want to be in a relationship with...

 

So, yeah, you probably shouldn't be calling him every day... but.. you can at least return his calls!

[Lion-Guy]

I agree... Returns his calls because the whole "Rules" thing is just lame...

 

If you were the guy posting on here saying "I am calling her five or six times and she rarely returns my calls" pretty much everyone here would say "she is just not that interested... move on"... I think you are sending a very mixed signal. I dated a girl that was sending mixed signals like that (wouldn't return phone calls but, in person would be all over me) and the first thing that came to mind was "flake". It isn't the type of person I want to be in a relationship with...

 

So, yeah, you probably shouldn't be calling him every day... but.. you can at least return his calls!

 

Couldn't have said it better. I have been on the receiving end of this and it isn't attractive. I really liked her a lot, but I couldn't ever tell if she was into me or not. So after two weeks or so of this I moved on.

[bowman2353]

So why is it only ok or normal for Girls to play hard to get and not Guys???

 

So we guys should be available all the time, but the women are busy? Doesn't that make us look boring and lame? Personally I am probably more busy with work, sports, and other activities than most of the women I have dated.

 

I just don't get all of this game playing. I called a girl I have been dating and wanted to hangout with her when we got back from vacation and she said she was busy that night. I take she will contact when when she is free? Or am I too easily phased. Do I really need to keep calling her to get her attention. I had no idea women needed to be pursued that hard. I thought it was a two way street and constant contacting woud be annoying.

 

Thanks for the eye opener Marthaamydear!