jealous of her visitor

[radiotone]

my girlfriend has never given me a reason to not trust her but lately i've been feeling threatened by this guy who visits her at work. she works at a grocery store and this guy pays her a quick visit all the time. he's single and everything. i had no problem with them talking and whatever. i even didnt have a problem with her finding him cute. but lately he's been sending her myspace messages all the time. messages to her that are like "oh man i was blushing so bad when i was talking to you" and normal "hey whats up what are you up to?" messages. she even replied to one of them saying "you're sooo cute". i find this uncomfortable. it's obvious to him that she's with me because of her myspace but it doesnt seem this guy won't quit pursuing her. and it's very obvious that he is.

 

he has never asked her out though, and my girlfriend said if he ever did she'd say no of course. but i don't know if i'm valid with my argument of being uncomfortable with their myspace messages. it makes me feel very uncomfortable knowing the fact that someone like him is chasing after her. (steming from self-esteem and trust issues). i just don't know how to approach it and make myself feel comfortable. i know she'll never do anything with him and she has said that all the time. but i get angry at the fact that it seems she's always leading him on all the time.

 

i dont know what to do. help me think clearly. thank you

[Clementine orange]

Suggest the three of you go for a drink together, bring someone for him. He is hitting on her and biding his time for when/if you two break up. This is all too common. She enjoys the attention (and why not).

 

Maybe you need to warn this guy off.

[heloladies21]

i even didnt have a problem with her finding him cute.

What?!? I would be mighty powerful ******-off if my girl was talking about fidning some other guy she talks to as being cute.

 

but it doesnt seem this guy won't quit pursuing her. and it's very obvious that he is.

And trust me, she notices it and welcomes it. No hate towards this guy though, he doesn't owe you anything. It's up to your girl to keep things sane and on a platonic level, and if she's not doing so, then there's a problem with you and her.

 

i know she'll never do anything with him and she has said that all the time.

And how can you be so sure of this? Because all of her actions point towards her warming up to the guy who she's obviously attracted to. Time to stick up for yourself and what's right for you. If you don't, then she will dump you and get with this other guy.

[Scout]

Hmmm...if I was in your position, I would be very upset and feel my relationship was threatened. I would not be happy with my boyfriend if he was responding to flirtatious comments with ones that are equally so, "You're soooooo cute."

 

On the other hand, my boyfriend and I are a bit older than you and your girlfriend, so this kind of immature behavior would hopefully not happen. Although he has a Myspace page that a girl has put flirty comments on before...however, he doesn't respond in kind.

 

To me, your choices look like this:

 

Option #1: Clementine Orange actually gave you a very practical piece of advice...befriend this guy, so that he'd feel too guilty to do anything with your girl. However, befriend him in a way so that he hangs out more with you, not the two of you as a couple. You know the old saying, "Keep your friends close, keep your enemies even closer."

 

Option #2: Warn the guy off. He may realize he's behaving inappropriately, especially if you say, "Hey man, what you're doing is really uncool. How would you like it if someone did that to you?"

 

Either option, you run a risk. For #1, it could just bring them in more proximity to each other, for #2, he could be inspired to really rise to the challenge, if he's a skeezy sort.

 

Either way, it's still a problem that your girlfriend's encouraging him, which she's definitely doing. I don't like that.