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Physical Appearance...

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I met this girl... Its strange because it came out of nowhere and it's as if she's my female double. We are the same person in about 90% of the things we say, do or act. I'm amazed by her, she is such a sweetheart. But here's my problem...


I am a little shallow. To me physical appearance has a say in my attraction to someone and I absolutely hate it. But I don't know how to change that, this girl is amazing to talk to but physically I cant bring myself to be attracted to her and to me that is something important when it comes to a relationship.


lol I'm looking for someone to inspire some sort of wisdom on me. I dont know. I'd love to ask her out, but I couldn't be a physically loving... kissing... relationship with someone i'm not physically attracted to.


Then again... Generally when u fall in love looks tend to move aside, but in the beginning is what i'm thinking right now...


Wow I feel like such a jerk thinking like this but i'm just trying to be honest.

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Maybe start out by being friends with her first? I agree that physical attraction needs to exist to some degree in order to have a romantic relationship, but there's no such "requirement" for friendship, right? If you spend enough time getting to know her as a friend, maybe you'll fall for her hard enough to forget about her looks/start to find her attractive...or else you'll realize that she's not the amazing person that you think she is. Best case scenario, you'll get to the point where you'll be dying to kiss her...and if not, maybe you'll just get a really good friend out of the whole thing.

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I do not think you are shallow at all..

the fact that you have a conscience and posted about it makes me think you are not as shallow as you say you are.


That being said... physical attractions IS important. Sometimes I have found people to grow more or less attractive the more I know them, but it is still there.


I think physical chemistry is essential in a relationship. Of course you have to have all the other things... but if there is no physical attraction it can't work either.


How long have you known her?


I know a guy that I became friends with to start with I remember thinking I didn't find him physically attractive at all!... I became friends with him and then I found him to be absolutely gorgeous.. we enver ended up dating... but I used to see him sometimes and have to hold myself down!!

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Maybe she's not attracted to you either

just kiddin

No seriously though, I have met guys that at first I thought were nothing at all to look at .. one in particular, I got to know him, we started dating, and then I couldn't keep my hands off him. Not to say that it'll happen to you, but it DOES happen...


or else, why not just be friends with her ?

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I'm officially Not Here, but I couldn't resist replying to this one. To be blunt, don't bother being any more than friends, because you simply are not attracted to her. I doubt it'll develop either...."she's such a sweetheart" doesn't often later turn into "Whoaaa she's hot, I'm so into her".


it just don't really happen. So to speak.


Have to disagree...I have gone out with someone I thought was only so so and after sharing time with them and everything...ive been doing the horny at work call "come on over here baby" lol

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If there is no "chemistry" that wonderful, magical pull, then it's probably safer not to go there.. I really believe you have to have that chemistry and be so into her, otherwise there will always be this part of you that is not completely happy.


You aren't being shallow at all, you're being honest. I too have tried with someone I thought was great, but the chemistry was not there and I just couldn't do it...

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I think attraction grows.


I once dated someone that I thought was very physically attractive. However, the more I got to know him the more I found him to be repulsive...He had a really huge ego. Now, I am no longer attracted to him because I know what kind of person he really is.


I have seen some of the most handsome guys with very homely wives and girlfriends. However, to that individual they are the most beautiful creature in the world. Attraction grows...If you hang out with this girl enough you WILL be attracted to her, and you won't care if she looks terrible.

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There's been some great advice given here. Sounds to me like there is some nice chemistry between the 2 of you, so I'd just wait and see what happens. Who knows, as you get to know her better you may fall in love and find her very attractive! Whatever the case, I hope you both enjoy a wonderful friendship.


Hopefully I'm not being out of line here, but if she's not a very pretty girl, is it that you're worried about what your friends would think if you started dating her?

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It thinks this opinion is scewed depending on your gender. As awful as it sounds men tend to be more visual, women more emotional. There are of course exceptions to every rule, but in general I think women have an easier time falling for the whole package, men have a harder time getting past the physical.


I say just be her friend, who knows? Just don't force yourself to make it anymore than you are comfortable with.

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  • 5 months later...

With my boyfriend, I was never physically "attracted" to him but I felt an inexplicable magnetism to him nonetheless. You don't have to think she's the hottest thing alive but if you aren't attracted to this girl, I mean if you don't feel drawn to her in a more-than-platonic way, if you don't feel anything deeper than potential friendship then I don't think you should really consider dating her. Friendship is every bit as valuable!! You may find once you start to find out more about her she becomes even more fascinating, and you start to see her differently. But don't think that it has to be dating. Real friendship is a beautiful thing. And it sounds like you and this girl have the potential for a wonderful friendship.


Also, I want to add that in my experience chemistry isn't just "there" or "not there". I think it depends on the person a lot. I am a very timid person and I rarely sense any sort of chemistry until I have learned to trust a guy fully. Chemistry is not necessarily there out of nowhere, but created by connections and interactions.

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it's not shallow, it's just your preference. there are physical traits that you look for in a mate as well as the mental ones. so mentally she is there, just physically she isn't. it's hard to overcome the physical part.


it is the same as when you meet a very attractive girl and mentally she isn't all there for you. does that make you shallow? nope.

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