Worthless and worried about the future

[laboheme]

Yet another tough day. I have a major presentation to do in my seminar class tomorrow (and I'm rather nervous), and I remember how my ex always gave me little pep talks before things like that and called me the minute after class got out to see how I did. I really miss little things like that, which showed that he actually cared about what went on in my life. And for the thousandth time I'm thinking about how the last two years were a perfect waste of time, because even once I'm over things and we somehow get in touch, we can never be real friends, there's just no point -- it would probably be one of those friendships for the sake of politeness, and those "friendships" are no friendships at all, so why bother?

 

And I'm really scared that I'll never find that "great love" with whom I'll happily spend the rest of my life. I feel like once I'm in my 30's, I'll have to settle for something that's merely "acceptable" just so that I don't become a musty-smelling old cat lady. And I'm worried that I'll have to go through quite a few guys before finding a suitable one...which will compromise my "nice girl" reputation and thus reduce my chances of finding a "nice guy".

 

Also, I'm now jealous of one of my coworkers, who recently met this supposedly great guy and their relationship is off to a great start...Supposedly the guy is marriage material, and my coworker is really happy with the way things are going. Hearing the stories and looking at the pictures generally cheers me up for a little while, but not for long. Basically, I'm the only one at work who's single...

 

I also feel generally worthless. If I died tomorrow (not that I'm planning to, I love myself too much...just hypothetically speaking), I don't even know who would notice. My parents would probably think that I had an extra long shift at work and crashed with one of my coworkers, for several days in a row...My coworkers would only notice once their accounting paperwork piled up...And my friends would only notice once they got themselves into drunken trouble and I wasn't there to bail them out (always the DD...) -- and since I'm a transfer student, my closer friends are all in different cities, so I only get to see them when they come home for the holidays...

 

Am I going completely psycho? How can I pull myself through? I can't even do anything about this right now because between work and end-of-semester assignments, I don't have much time to find new hobbies and entertain myself. So I'm just begging for online sympathy.

 

Sorry, guys, I post here entirely too much...Thanks for letting me rant yet again

[gfein347]

laboheme:

 

You are most definitely not worthless. I'm relatively new here, but I've come accross some of your posts, and you always have great advice to help people.

 

Also, I'm sure your friends and family would be devastated if you were gone. When I was going through a particularly bad spurt of depression, and was contemplating suicide, my girlfriend told me, "if you kill yourself, it will hurt every person who has ever known you." I think that statement is true for almost everyone. If you were no longer alive, everyone that has ever had the pleasure of knowing you will feel pain because they know they can never see you again. I would feel pain, and I've never even met you.

 

As far as becoming a musty-smelling old cat lady, you're only twenty, and I don't think you need to worry. I'm two years younger than you, and I think it's safe to say that both of us have tons of time before we need to worry about having too many feline friends and not enough human ones.

 

Best of luck with your presentation, and I know you'll do great. If you post on this thread and tell everyone how it went, I'll be sure to come back tomorrow and check it.

[laboheme]

Hehe, thanks, gfein. I figure I shouldn't count on cats...I'm more of a dog person anyway.

 

The presentation went okay, the professor made a lot of general comments to the class but seemed pleased overall. We'll see where that gets me.

[gfein347]

laboheme:

 

It's good to hear you're feeling better and everything went well with your presentation. If you ever need to talk, you can PM me if you like.