Being wanted

[darkspace]

Hi

 

Ive recently got back with my g/f, when we first started going out we were both super clingy with each other, and as you can imagine things have died down quite a bit now we are in our third year.

 

I'd just like some general advice, i know my g/f loves me and misses me as she more or less begged for us to get back together...the problem is i dont she misses me or misses me enough? i hope i am making sense, we dont get to see each other very often and when we do i always have visions in my mind of it being fantastic and we spend time together...but more often than not she is tooo tired or something. She also now very rarely texts me or rings me, I think this is due to her being super busy at work and with her friends etc.

 

I think i am too clingy and available, does this make sense? maybe i would be wanted or the time we do spend together would be better if im not always available when my g/f calls? Maybe i should back away a bit, not text/ring?

 

I hope this is making any sense or am i just being stupid! Any advice would be most appreciated!

 

 

Si

[heloladies21]

I know there's some advice out there that stresses playing contact games, but the simple fact is they don't work. I tried them, and it honestly makes sense that they wouldn't work. It has to do with what it really communicates to a girl, that you're not interested/don't care.

 

The problem with you and your gf is a lot more fundamental than being too available. It has to do with how you handle the relationship in general, and being clingy is at least part of it. You say you are clingy because you like to hang out with her a lot, but I like hanging out with my gf a lot and am not clingy. It all has to do with the way that you do it. One common problem I see is guys who are unwilling to show negative emotions to girls like jealousy or upset with them. Girls can tell you're doing this and think that you're BSing them and this is one thing I see that pushes girls away a lot. That's why those "jerks" don't have these problems with girls. It's not simply because they're jerks, they just know how to show emotions.

[nadine_3110]

I think she is just that, busy. I feel the same way with my bf sometimes. I feel like I'm always the one calling or texting and I feel like I'm being way too clingy. But I don't think he sees it that way. He does like talking to me and he loves it when I text him, it shows him how much I care. And my bf does get tired too, quite a bit actually, but that's ok with me (most of the time) as long as I can sit beside him or hold his hand, I'm fine. Maybe your gf should start going to bed earlier.

Good luck!

[darkspace]

Its driving me mad, i think i need to try and keep myself busy and do something, im on the internet all day and if i pm her she's no time to talk, i get sooo jellous of the time she gets to spend with others... i know she misses me but i just cant feel it? i need to keep myself busy some how, need to learn to be by myself?

 

confused

[Momene]

I can honestly see this becoming a rift. Maybe she's pulling away towards a possible break-up or m aybe she's not as into togetherness as she was and you still are.

[darkspace]

Thanks for your thoughts, we've just had a breakup and she desperatly wanted me back but for somebody who so desperatly wanted me back it just seems like im not now being missed and wanted, im just a bit confused. She's going through a lot of stress with work and things at the moment, maybe i should give her a bit of space and not be too clingy and see what happens?

 

 

Si

[Momene]

Is this a break-up in which the relationship is actually over? If so, let it go. If not, agree a time to meet in the future to decide if you are going to continue or not.

[darkspace]

sorry i dont think ive explained too good! we had a breakup and then we got back together a little while back after her saying she needs me soo much, and now im not getting all the contact that i would like. Im not sure who has the problem, i think it might be me being a little unreasonable expecting too much atttention and constant reassurance? especialy after a breakup im feeling a little self conscious etc...

 

Thanks

 

Si

[Momene]

I can understand how difficult and confusing it is. My best bet is to agree how many time per week you should see each other and stick to it.

 

If she hedges, perhaps splitting could be an option but it seems like she's calling all the shots at the moment.

[darkspace]

Yes I agree, it does seem like she's calling the shots, im just sat here waiting for her to decide when we see each next etc. Which makes me think i should just go and make plans with my friends, go out and do things, keep busy, try and get some kind of life for myself rather than just waiting....or maybe just say, do you want to do something tomorrow, make the first move and suggest something and if thats not an okay time, well im just busy with other things the other days.

 

It is awfuly confusing and scary

 

thanks for your help!

[Momene]

If you want to see your friends, do so. Don;t hang on a maybe from her.