Dating for fun

[healinginnyc81]

Hi everyone,

 

I was wondering about dating without wanting a serious relationship. I don't want to settle down any time soon, but I think I'd like to date while knowing that it's not going to be long-term.

 

How many people do that? How do you know if the other person is interested in just short term? Is it worth it? Don't you worry that one of you may become attached and then someone gets hurt? I've never really dated, so any insights would be helpful.

 

Any other advice is welcome also.

 

Thanks

[Lily04]

hey,

 

yeah i've always been the type to be a 'long term relationship' person. Hence I've had one boyfriend my whole life! As a result I decided I didn't want to do that anymore. I just wanted to date for fun. I think it's part of my whole 'I'm just going to chill' philosophy in life right now and take things as they come... so i'm dating like 3-4 guys right now. well somewhat, in theory i would if i had time but it's been difficult.

 

I think it's fine. you're young, you know? might as well.

[second_opinion]

Hey!

 

Thats what I want to do!! I havent found any guy that wants the same, and if they do, they want to have sex and I dont.

 

I hope you have more luck finding dates than I do who want short term stuff.

 

But there isnt anything wrong with it, at the beginning you state your not ready for long term stuff and rather just date and have fun, most people understand it.

[zippitt]

Plenty of people date just to see what's out there with no intentions. In fact this carefree attitude seemed to attract more women for me. Have fun with it and be yourself, explore, meet new people, and most of all be safe.

[Lily04]

I havent found any guy that wants the same, and if they do, they want to have sex and I dont.

 

 

I have the same problem with guys I meet from bars. Hence I'm not really a big fan of the bar/club scene...try to meet guys at school or work instead. How long do u usually wait to have sex with a guy? just curious...

[second_opinion]

I have the same problem with guys I meet from bars. Hence I'm not really a big fan of the bar/club scene...try to meet guys at school or work instead. How long do u usually wait to have sex with a guy? just curious...

 

Well Im still a virgin, when I have sex I want to have it with the man I fall in love with. But I have done pretty much everything else. I usually wait around a month or two before doing anything.

[Lily04]

cool, I really respect that. I am the same way... and I'm 21 years old (still a virgin.) How old are you?

[second_opinion]

cool, I really respect that. I am the same way... and I'm 21 years old (still a virgin.) How old are you?

 

Im nearly 21!

[ForAnother]

You two should date

 

-ForAnother

[second_opinion]

You two should date

 

-ForAnother

 

LOL Not a bad idea! hahaha

[Bellman23]

In fact this carefree attitude seemed to attract more women for me. [/color]

 

Oh isn't that the truth!!

[locolady]

yeh you can definitely do this.....just be upfront at the beginning that youre not looking long term at the moment, although there is always the risk that deeper feelings might develope, you might just find what you were not looking for! if not, no harm done!

 

i came out of a 4 year relationship last year and am not ready for another relationship but recently met a great guy at a festival and have been on a few dates with him - told him very early on that i wasnt thinking long term and he's totally happy with that, we have fun, go for dinner, to comedy club etc, we enjoy each others company. have thought about the sex issue and decided for now thats its a no go for me. He's fine with that too. Youve just gotta find someone on your wave length and theres no reason why you cant have fun together.

 

Only thing i would say is that i speak to this guy on the phone a lot and sometimes it feels like we're having a relationship. although i would date someone else if i met someone i liked and dont check with him if i want to do soemthing, i see him as and when i like etc, it does feel a bit relationshipy - maybe thats just me though as ive only ever had 2 long term relationships and am very new at the dating game!

 

good luck!

[Batya33]

I think it's fine and does not need to include sex. I dated casually at various points of my life. If the other person was looking for something serious I made it clear that I wasn't and then it was up to the other person to make that decision.

 

These days I think some confuse casual dating with casual sex or that silly term "friends with benefits." To me casual dating is going out to a movie, dinner, some other fun activity once maybe twice during the week, mostly talking only to plan the date, and both of you are free to date others (but it is tacky to discuss the details of who you are both dating). You probably kiss, fool around, etc. If you want to have sex, fine but of course then you need to discuss whether you will be monogamous.

 

Sometimes casual dating turns into something serious but I think it is a big mistake to agree to date casually hoping it will turn into something serious.

[Lily04]

You two should date

 

-ForAnother

 

Well...I think we're both female... and I'm straight...

[Lily04]

Hey,

 

This is totally the same attitude I have right now towards dating.. there's one guy who seems totally into me & really wants to date, see me almost everyday but I haven't really started 'dating' him yet. He just asks me out constantly but i'm always busy. When we do start going on dates (although i guess now we are with coffee/lunch, etc. i'm not sure i'd consider that a 'date' though) but I'm going to take your advice and tell him that I don't want this to be serious... (mainly because I am not that much into him as he is into me, but I don't think I'll tell him that so as not to hurt his feelings.) I do like him but I want to take it SLOW. He has just been messaging me almost everyday since we met on Facebook, text msgs. on my phone etc. (we met last Sunday) and I just feel a bit overwhelmed by it... esp. since i'm not totally head over heels over him. There are a few other guys I feel the same way towards, so he will have to respect the fact that I am also dating other guys at the same time.... not sure he will.

 

Since I am also a virgin I'd be hesitant about having sex so early and just having 'sexual' relationships...i've never been that type of person to just look for sexual flings and that's it. Also some guys may expect that... so I should probably be clear w/my intentions as well.

 

Are you seeing other people at the same time, or it's more just 'if another guy comes along I'll let him know I want to see other people at the same time'? Do you think he'd be OK with that? Some of my friends says it seems like i'm cheating but if we're not serious and I'm honest with him about the fact that i don't want to be serious, then I think it's OK personally...

 

Lily

[healinginnyc81]

Thanks so much Lily and second opinion, it's nice to know that there are girls close to my age who aren't looking for serious relationships. It seems like everyone around me is looking for long-term. Maybe b/c I'm about to be done with college and everyone around me is planning their new life with their significant other for after college.

 

locolady, it sounds like you're on the verge of being in a relationship but I guess if neither of you consider it an exclusive relationship then it is casual dating. What I'm afraid of is that I'll get attached to someone here in Los Angeles or they'll get attached to me and then I'm returning to nyc in May so then it'll be really hard to let it go.

 

There are a couple of girls I'd like to date casually but I don't know how to bring it up. Do I just ask them out and then tell them after a couple dates?

[Batya33]

I think you can assume on the first few dates that it is casual unless she asks you in general what you are looking for. Also, leave open the chance that someone will blow you away and all of a sudden you will want something serious - no need to scare that person away. I would probably mention it before sex happens although if she doesn't ask and is interested in having sex it is safe for you to assume that she is ok with casual sex.

[Lily04]

Thanks so much Lily and second opinion, it's nice to know that there are girls close to my age who aren't looking for serious relationships. It seems like everyone around me is looking for long-term. Maybe b/c I'm about to be done with college and everyone around me is planning their new life with their significant other for after college.

 

 

eek...everything in college i've looked for thus far has been serious. this is the first time i haven't looked for a 'serious, long-term' type of thing & i only have one year of college left... hopefully not everyone thinks like this!!

 

Also do u think if I'm interested in 'casual dating' but i'm waiting to have sex until i'm serious with someone (because i'm still a virgin) would that pose a problem for most guys? does it seem weird/odd that i'd do that? i'm only waiting because i feel a bit insecure and wouldn't want to just have my first time with someone random i guess...

[Dating Coach]

I don't want to settle down any time soon, but I think I'd like to date while knowing that it's not going to be long-term.

 

 

Thats what I want to do!! I havent found any guy that wants the same, and if they do, they want to have sex and I dont.

 

 

healininnyc, meet second_opinion.

 

 

[locolady]

healinginny - yeh it does sound like on the verge of a relationship and im not sure what to do about it! as i said i've never casually dated before - i met this guy at a festival, we had a good laugh and exchanged numbers - to be honest i thought i'd never hear from him again (we didnt even kiss or anything, just had a good chat)

 

then he text a few times and asked if i'd meet him - i was very nervous as i really didnt know this guy but decided im young and should take a chance (my friends had met him at the festival so i had second opinions which was good) so i went to london and met up with him - we went on a boat trip and for dinner, then to a comedy club.....he really put the effort in and we got on brilliantly. We've had a few other dates like these - but he does ring often and we end up chatting on the phone for an hour or so. i dont know if this is because we live a few hours apart so its been about a month in between each time we;ve got together.

 

it seems like a relationship but im not sure where i went wrong! do you think its circumstantial or that he hasnt really listened when ive said i dont want a relationship?

 

as for the girls you like, yeh just ask them for dinner or whatever you'd like to do - i dont have much expereince of these things but i guess that both parties generally know when spending time together feels more like a date than just friends....its just a feeling. you dont really need to talk about it to begin with.....you could make a joke at the end as to whether she'd give you a second date? i'm actually going travelling in february so with this guy, its not going anywhere and maybe i feel like you and am deliberately not getting attached? whatever, ive been honest with him and for now we are having fun so i think its worth it.

 

Lily - erm, ive no idea if i could date 2 people at the same time really! i guess i would just have to see how i felt and how he felt if it happened. i think i'm in the same boat as you - he likes me a lot more than i like him. although ive been honest with him, i dont think he'd be very happy if i was to see someone else. infact he made a point of telling me he hasnt looked at another girl since meeting me. its all so difficult isnt it! as for the sex - honestly this guy is fine about us not moving quickly in that area so im sure your guy will be too. xx

[dopexile]

Dating for fun? as opposed to dating for torture?

[healinginnyc81]

unfortunately, dating does feel like torture sometimes

[Massari]

Hey!

 

Thats what I want to do!! I havent found any guy that wants the same, and if they do, they want to have sex and I dont.

 

I hope you have more luck finding dates than I do who want short term stuff.

 

But there isnt anything wrong with it, at the beginning you state your not ready for long term stuff and rather just date and have fun, most people understand it.

whereee are these women like you?? I have had my fun I want to settle down... I seriously wish there were more women who wanted serious long term thing.