He doesn't want to

[NametheGame]

What can cause a guy to be uninterested in "stuff" (like making out or anything further?)

 

I'm 18, he's nearly 18, we've been going out for about a year and a half. It's our first relationship for both of us.

 

Problem: He's never ever tried to start anything. (Exception in the second month I was at his house watching a movie and he seemed like he was going to do something but I got up and went to the kitchen 'casue I was nervous. But that was over a year ago.)

 

I love him very much and I know he loves me, but I'm getting a little concerned. Sometimes I try starting just hugging and kissing him on the neck and he sorta tolerates it but then but he freezes up, so I back off and we keep doing whatever we were doing before like nothing happened. I'd really love to have an affectionate relationship as well as a caring one, but the limit of our affection is a hug hello, a hug/kisses goodbye, and sitting together on the couch.

 

So, does anyone know what is going on?

Tips for how I can approach him about this? Especially without making him feel pressured or anything?

Tips for me for dealing with being lonely sometimes?

[HeckaBekah]

Have you asked him why he acts this way?!

[Aurian]

Maybe his beliefs (religious or personal) stops him from wanting to go to far. So when he gets turned on "too much" he freezes?

 

Hecka is right though, this is something that should be asked. Do it sometime when you're not trying to start something, and ask in a non-confrontational way. "Hey, I noticed you seem to tense up when we make out. Is there a reason why?"

[musicguy]

that is kind of odd for a guy not wanting to make out and do other stuff after you guys have been dating for a long time, you might just ask him what's going on

[darkblue]

It could be that he has no confidence and/or that he doesn't know what to do.

 

If you really do like him, and vica versa - ask him, talk to him and find out his reasons for not doing anything.

[NametheGame]

Thanks everyone for your input so far, it really didn't occur to me that he might have no confidence about it (!?)

Asking him seems to be the best idea, so I guess I just need to find a good time now.

[4ever]

maybe he is just shy and not ready and stuff like that. i guess just let it go naturally, probably if you ask him like others suggested, if he is this shy kind, then it will shut him off even more. enjoy your time together, you have enough time ahead to do more. you say you are lonely, but you dont know what lonely is! having a guy you can just watch a movie together sitting on the couch together is no way lonely! enjoy being together

[itsthatguy]

So if she ignores the problem and doesn't make it known that it is a problem for her, it's going to magically get better? What if her boyfriend just thinks that she would think he is a pig/pervert if he tries to push any further. She needs to let him know that she wants more out of the relationship than just some kissing, but needs to to it in a reassuring way for him. I had this problem at the start of my relationship as well, although it didn't drag out for 18 months for myself. I was just a little unsure of what my girlfriend wanted, and didn't want to initiate anything for the first while. Having a talk with her about it made me infinitely more comfortable with trying stuff, especially when she made it clear that she wouldn't feel like I was pressuring her into things if I took the initiative when we were fooling around.

 

You can say that a relationship is fine without more sexual contact, but being a 19 year old I can vouch that I want more than to just lay on the couch and watch TV with my girlfriend, and that doesn't always make me feel loved or wanted. If my girlfriend hadn't shown any interest in me (you make it sound like he doesn't even want to make out with you!) after a year and a half I wouldn't just say "Oh, I'm glad to have somebody who wants to be with me", I'd be saying why doesn't she want anything more. Maybe he does have a problem that stems from childhood or whatever, but if you've been with him for a year and a half maybe you're close enough to him to help him get over his problem.

[NametheGame]

I had this problem at the start of my relationship as well, although it didn't drag out for 18 months for myself. I was just a little unsure of what my girlfriend wanted, and didn't want to initiate anything for the first while. Having a talk with her about it made me infinitely more comfortable...

 

I have very little idea how to go about having a serious talk like this. Especially without seeming confrontational or demanding. We've never had to talk about anything too serious before. Can someone give me an idea of how it should go, what I should expect?

[Batya33]

That might be the real problem. He might not be comfortable being physically intimate if the two of you are not comfortable having a serious discussion about your relationship.

 

I would ask him if he was physically attracted to me. If the answer was yes I would ask if he is uncomfortable being physically affectionate with me as you notice he seems to freeze up.