How to make a girl stop running

[BlueWolf]

I'm just starting to think that she enjoys the chase way too much. More than the actual dating.

 

How much persistence is enough? And after what point do you just stop chasing?

Actually, truth be told, in a way I'm not really chasing, I'm suggesting to get together.

I was being pretty laid back and nonchalant about it too. I told her not to be shy and to invite her girlfriend or boyfriend if she liked (she's not in a relationship).

Then I told her that if not, to have fun with other guys chasing her because I've got other priorities.

 

She said that she'll be free one night, and I called her and left her a message to see if she was still up to it, which she never returned.

 

Now I'll be honest, pretty much the only part I suck at is figuring out whether she's interested with this chasing stuff or not, and when to stop.

 

I'll also say that I don't get upset by girls anymore either. I don't care what she does, I still manage to laugh at it.

 

In fact I tend to have other plans for a potential date day anyway, so if she doesn't show up, I go to plan B and still have fun.

 

But the chase...

How much persistency is good? I've heard people say to stop immediately when someone is running, and I've heard others say that it pays off because the girl wants to see how dedicated you are to her, and only then will she ease up on it.

[JimmerJammer]

Well it sounds to me like you have a good start on how to be when approaching dating, but I honestly think with the way you approached the situation you may have initiated any game play at all. Almost telling her to be chased when I feel that saying that stuff is damaging.

 

I feel that the aspect in which you speak about having additional plans and not getting upset is a more common thing when you develop a stronger boundary and allow yourself to choose how you react to situations. The other part of it is that I don't quite think flaunting it is the greatest as it gives an air like I like you, but there's others I can easily go for so no sweat off my back. I mean it sounds like you like this girl and you don't quite want to open up in that way in case things don't work out, but then again it may not even be the case at all.

 

So if you could man, just really remember where you are in control, what you can handle and if you really could be fine with her should she decide to see other people. I believe you when you say you wouldn't get upset and be bothered by this, but the key is being able to be really into someone and yet express yourself that way even if you're rejected.

 

As far as the chase goes I always say why try to put a context around it looking for signs that indicate whether or not things are going well? Lately I had found myself doin that a bit and I just stopped caring about it altogether. You have nothing to lose and everything to gain with that thought as its by holding back that appears that you're not giving yourself fully to them and its your ability to remain present and in control that puts you on top. Persistancy is really up to you, I don't think it matters how much you do or don't do as long as you're in control of it. If you find yourself unable to be in control and can't let up, THEN you're in trouble, not the fact that you call them or text them and they respond. Chances are they only want to be sure you have integrity and are capable of loving them like they want.

[BlueWolf]

I totally agree with you. Thanks for the critique.

 

Here is my main problem (and it is MY problem).

I guess I've been conditioned by other people that if I express that I am really into someone at this stage, they will start running even more.

And THAT'S why I say what I say to her, so she knows that I am not a clingy guy.

But I guess there has to be a balance.

 

And I'm not sure how to set this balance. I've just got this gut feeling that if this early on (even before the first date), I start opening up, it'll be my disadvantage. But I think I could be wrong, and it's okay to point that out.

[Relationship Coach]

How to make a girl stop running? Stop chasing her! They will notice you more when you ignore them rather than when you are chasing after them. You sound a little on the co-dependent side, slow down. Pay more attention to someone else and she how she reacts, she may just not be in to you.

 

RC

[Survictor]

This reminds me of something my Dad told me. lol.

 

DAD: "Men are like dogs. When you chase a dog, what does it do?"

 

ME: "It runs away from you, Daddy!"

 

DAD: "That's right it does. And what happens if you run away from that dog?"

 

ME: "It chases you, Daddy!"

 

DAD: "That's right because men are like dogs"

[BlueWolf]

How to make a girl stop running? Stop chasing her! They will notice you more when you ignore them rather than when you are chasing after them. You sound a little on the co-dependent side, slow down. Pay more attention to someone else and she how she reacts, she may just not be in to you.

 

RC

 

Soo... just feeling indifferent is not enough?

There are some differences of opinion here obviously (between the first resonce).

 

One day after I made fun of her (I said that I thought her "playing hard to get act" was kind of cute), she saw me in the hall in school while I was talking to some friends. She had a strange smile on her face and kept looking at me and ran into me on purpose - I then pushed her playfully away.

One more time that day this happened.

 

So then I try again with the invitation I wrote (first post) and she doesn't respond.

 

Either she's a master manipulator, or something else. I don't know.

[Relationship Coach]

She's in control that's here main advantage, take it away.

 

RC