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Why do i keep jumping to her?

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My ex girlfriend ended it 3 months ago. She immediately started a relationship with one of her work friend (rebound). It took me about a month and a half to finally move on and start dating other girls. I have been on a few dates and meeting new people. I have been going to the gym since the break up and going out with my friend more often. I think i have handled the break up good.


In the first week i did the old begging, pleading etc, she had none of it. When i tried to phone her a month after the break up... again she had none of it, wouldnt talk to me. So i started no contact.


Last week she phoned me out of the blue and asked to see me... i jumped and went to see her immediately. We got on very well, had a laugh etc. I enjoyed myself despite her being with someone else.


So i didnt feel anything. She started sending me emails saying how she enjoys herself with me more than her new bloke and admits her new bloke is just a rebound and not really her type. She goes on to say that he isnt very effectionate... doesnt give her kisses or hugs etc. They live together already and its shocked me, it doesnt really bother me.


She started phoning me more often, and everytime she does i keep jumping and going to her, sounds like she has the upper hand at the moment. We went out one night a few days ago... we had sex and had the longest kiss ever, so she has cheated on her new bloke with me, and to be honest i feel down because she keeps giving me mixed signals about her feelings. One minute it will be yes i like you more next minute she starts going on about how much she likes her new bloke.


I pay for most things, i take her everywhere and i want to stop but i cant... when she isnt phoning i keep thinking i wont jump when she phones, when she does phone... i jump!


i am still seeing new girls and going on dates which my ex knows about but this still doesnt cure my problem.


She keeps sending me emails such as


" i hate havin no money i need some new clothes but cant afford them! Brad (her new bloke) has always got bills to pay so he cant help me out. hes an ok person hes jus not very affectionate, an thats what i need he never hardly gives me kisses or cuddles an it makes me sad!"


"hi thanks for replyin

what ever happens between me an you for the moment i want to thank you for bein a very good friend an bein there for me when i need you. thanks for last nite"


"well we dont know where this is goin an i meant for the moment we r good friends an i said thanks for bein there 4 me"



Really mixed signals that confuse me.


Some people say continue being her friend and eventually you may win her back... or avoid her for good for the best option.



I still like her, if i stay friends is it possible for a reconcile eventaully or is she just using me? I dont want to keep doing her favours like taking her to university which is a 2 hour drive (she cant drive she has to get the train). The last thing i want to happen is her using me.


Any advice or opinions. Thanks!

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She sounds very much like someone who is manipulating you to her advantage. She is downplaying her new fella and highlighting his weaknesses - lack of money/lack of affection - and is using you to plug those gaps. (no pun intended).


My advice is to cut her out of your life, go NC and don't come back. She may chase after you, or she may not - but you can take comfort in the fact that you are doing what is right for *you* not for her.


If you think you'll struggle to take such a big step, then start with a smaller one - next time she asks to meet you, don't jump at the chance. Tell her "Sorry, I'm busy - maybe another time?".


It seems that your self-esteem is taking quite a battering here and I think you need to work on building it up - saying no to her, is a small but very significant step towards doing that mate.

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Even as a casual sex buddy (which she clearly is NOT: you care about her on some level), this chick is BAD NEWS.


Yes, she is using you. She's using your caring against you.


That's bad behavior for a friend. That's nasty behavior from an ex or loved one.


If you are ready to stop jumping for her, start by denying her flat out something that she wants.

Watch her reaction.

It will be such a turn-off, you'll wonder what the hell you were thinking.


And if the problem is sexual attraction to her (she has a hot body, knows how to play your buttons):

Imagine her beau's hands running up her body, her breasts, and her mouth making the sounds to him that she makes to you.


You can bet your life it has happened, and she is playing him too, and sometimes strong imagining and sticking to reality is just the key to losing that hard-on.


I know it feels difficult right now, but you can do this.

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