POLL: What is your relationship with your relatives?

[cyn2222]

I am really starting to dread the holidays. It is just a reminder of how screwed up my side of the family is. Does anyone else feel the same or do the majority of you have the envious large family gathered around the table scenario? Please respond, I would really like to know!

 

I will start with me. My father had two brothers and no one has ever kept in touch. My mother has 8 siblings, most have died, but one sister has two daughters with children the same age as mine, but they have no interest in keeping in touch. They may exchange christmas cards if I send one first. My two girls (7 & 4) don't understand why they can't see their cousins. I don't know what to say to them and I feel so bad. After my mother passes away, I will have no one. It is such a scary thought. My brother is totally self absorbed and has no interest our family.

 

We get together with my husbands family during the summer, but only because I arrange the whole thing. If I didn't, we wouldn't see anyone. My husband and his sister barely speak to each other. Since my family is obsolete, I desperately wanted my girls to have some kind of family contact.

 

I seem to be the only one who needs the extended family contact. I see other families getting together for the holidays and wonder why mine turned out like this.

 

Please respond with your story.

[renaissancewoman101]

The holidays for my family are usually fraught with bickering, mostly my mom. Me, my dad and brother usually hide out from her. This is the first year in 15 years that I will spend BOTH holidays (Thanksgiving and Christmas) with them. The last 15 years I lived out of state and saw them usually for ONE holiday. My mom wants the perfect holiday and my dad could care less. Mom fusses about things, nags, and is generally unhappy about life. Yesterday, we had Thanksgiving at my brother's and the first thing my mom did when we got there, was to clean my brother's house and tell him that he didnt keep his place clean (it was pretty clean for a bachelor guy). She then fussed about his drinking beer and his wine bottles. My brother is a conniseur of good wine and beer.

 

As for my other relatives, we dont talk to my dad's relatives a lot. They live in China. My mom is close to her relatives and they come visit every so often. My mom wants us to look like the perfect family. This year we are having family reunion with my mom's relatives. I will see an aunt and uncle that I havent seen in over 20 years. Mom is already fussing that I am too fat and will make her look bad. She wants the perfect image of her family.

 

Family things are usually painful for me and I try to avoid it as much as possible. So does my brother.

[Baby Carrot]

Well, my family is SO screwed that noone even gathers or celebrates anything.

 

My mom have issues and doesn't talk with any of her sisters, they hate each other.

 

My dad hates my mom as well.

 

My grandma lives only for taking everyone's crap.

 

My grampa died on XMas eve and they found his corpse on his house (a real dump) on Xmas day.

 

And the drama goes on and on.

 

I don't even wonder why mine turned out like this. At this point I couldn't care less really.

[metro_girl]

I can only stay through dinner and then that's about enough.

[cyn2222]

Thank you for opening up and telling me about your families. Each story helps me gain insight into my own situation and I hope that it helps each of you as well.

 

I hope that others will respond as well.

[doyathink]

Oh gosh, I hate to drag the party down, but I love the get togethers during the holiday season. We have family from both sides who come and fill the house. The smell of fresh pastries baking, the snow blanketing the lawn and trees but the house is warm and cozy.

 

We dont always agree with each other, but this is a time to remember why we love each other and what we are thankful for.

[Helen67]

My dad doesn't speak to his siblings, and they are sadly passing away.

 

My mum does speak to her's but there is only one left now.

 

My brother and sister, will never speak to each other again..guarenteed!

 

I didn't speak to my other sister for 4 years, until we were reconciled, and found out it was my parents doings that caused THAT problem.

 

The only members of my family I would even consider spending christmas with are my brother and newly reconciled sister both in England. But we won't be, because I spend my christmas holidays in Germany with my partner and kids, and my siblings don't have the room.

 

My parents retired to Cyprus (a small island far far away), my sister whom my brother hates and I can only tolerate on the phone also lives on the same island (far far away) with her husband a two kids. That suits the rest of us just fine and dandy.

 

I love these holidays with my friends and children, and no one complains or nags or upsets anyone else....Bliss !!

 

You are not alone cyn, but some of us stay away by choice and not b/c it's the only option.

 

Have a great one anyway, make the most of your husband and kiddies, at least you have them, and they won't judge you.

 

p.s Renaissancewoman, you are very brave!! Two holidays with your parents? You have my full respect...b/c your mum sounds so much like mine, I could NOT do what you're doing. Hope it's not too mind blowing.

 

All the best....Helen.

[scarew]

My mother has had three divorces. Four kids, three men.

 

My current step father also had three D's. He can't have kids, thank God.

 

My father has had two divorces. Three kids, three women.

 

My mothers mother had two divorces. Three kids, two men.

 

Fathers mother had er-three D's??? Four kids, three men.

 

(Yah, I was excused from the family tree project in grade school)

 

I had four different fathers over the duration of my life at home=four COMPLETELY different view on what Christmas really means.

 

My closest sibling was vaccine damaged, having her first seizure on christmas eve of 1991. My government now considers her one of the most difficult children in western Canada.

 

My mother is suing her sister right now for custody over my cousin. She's winning.

 

Christmas? Whoever isn't ostresized in my family at at that given time is invited to my mom's mom's house for turkey and pie. We exchange inexpensive gifts, dirty jokes, and, whether it be real or fake, love. My family has taken its ride, but we still can pull together a few times a year for a couple hours and enjoy eachother. Which is apparently more than alot of people have, SO I AM THANKFUL FOR IT!

 

This year, I am starting my OWN family. Its the first year I have ever been excited about christmas. Our baby will allow us to create our own meaning of family and christmas

[Helen67]

Congratulations scarew, that's wonderful news!!

 

I wish you all the best and all the happiness, for you and your "family"!!

 

Helen xx

[cyn2222]

I want to thank all of you for your responses. I don't feel so "different" now that I have heard some of your stories. Also, it was nice to hear that there are still families who are close despite their differences.

 

All the best to everyone for the upcoming holiday season.

[jengh]

Both of my parents have big families. Dad's is Polish, Mom's is Italian... Mom's side I get along very well with, with the exception of my great aunt...she is SO racist. I understand she's in her 80s but I can't handle it.. thats something i will not tolerate...

My dad's side of the family all gets along great...but for some reason, they all have it out for me. They constantly nag my dad about what a horrible job theyre doing of raising me, how i dress like a skank (we were on a caribbean cruise, for god's sake! am i supposed to wear a turtleneck!!!!?)... .Ive come to two conclusions: 1) It's because dad always got picked on because he was the youngest... 2) It's because I'm adopted and not "blood", which is something theyre really weird about...

 

 

so, in short...no, its certainly not just you. Good luck this holiday season

[heart.broken]

I sort of know how you feel with a similar situation.

 

I haven't seen or talked to my dad in almost 2 years, or the rest of his family (including my grandparents (his parents). I miss my little cousins and I really miss my Pap a lot. It feels like they want nothing to do with me after my parent's seperation.

 

My mom doesn't talk to her mother (my grandmother) and my one Uncle. I feel as if ever since my parents seperation- My mom has changed so much, she wouldn't go a day without talking to my gram and my uncle. I don't know if what my dad did, is still hurting her and just not caring about anything or what.

 

My Aunt gets mad at my gram and complains to her when her son and his family don't talk to her, so my gram is in the middle of that. My Aunt says she won't be coming down for Christmas dinner with the family.

 

My mom wouldn't go to my grams for Thanksgiving because of not talking to them.

 

The family I have left is falling apart, and there's nothing I can do. It hurts.

[luvursmile]

Theres a reason I never go home for the holidays....