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soulse
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Ok, so I guess I've never told anyone about this and it's quite long but here we go...

 

The thing is Im kind of confused now. All through out middle school, high school and college I've flet some sort of depression. It was really bad during middle and high school (thinking about suicide, always tired, never feeling like a belonged anywhere). My first two years of college I became really pissed at my parents about my depression. I wasnt blaming them for it. I new the reason I didnt have any real close friends and the reason to my depression was my fault, but I felt that they didn't even realized that I was depressed. It wasn't too hard to see. I never went out and did anything. Basically home/tv/homework/bed. Once in awhile (like once a month) they would ask if I was ok or say "why don't you just invite some friends over or do something with them," which actually hurt more then helped. I even felt depressed during my first 2 years of college even though I was making progess in finding friends and even getting a few dates. At the beginning of my junior year of college for some reason I started feeling really depressed. It started to severly affect my school work and I became completely distant in all things school related. I figured out what the problem was though and was able to resolve it. Since last year I have felt that I have just been shoved around in this college with no thought. I can't even just sign up for my major classes because the classes are full by the time I can register. I have to go talk to the teacher and persuade them into letting me into my own FREAKIN' MAJOR. I've started looking at other colleges to transfer too. The thing is though that I am currently failing 2 out of the 3 classes that I'm taking. I now feel even more distant to school work. I started with 5 classes, go screwed out of one at the beginning of the year and felt another one was completely pointless where I wasn't learning anything, I dropped it. I just can't seem to find a reason to do school work any more. I can basically sum up how I feel about this it two words, "why bother." The problem is I'm afraid that if I fail out of college I won't be able to transfer. I'm also afraid that I really havent shaken the problems from my past and they will just follow me to where I transfer to and I'll just screw it up agian. And for some reason non of this scares me enough to do something about it like to try and fix my grades.

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First off, I think you need to forgive your parents. I think our society is only beginning to realize the problem it has with depression and when parents are confronted by a child that is they often don't know what to do or are denial of the facts. Either way, your childhood is in your past and it's time to focus on today.

 

Have you consider speaking with a psychologist/counselor on campus? Often these services are free and you can begin exploring options for you.

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yeah broz

u have to face ur problems and stop running away and denying they dont exist....the problem just grows and grows and affects all aspects of ur life if u dont face them.

 

yeah try seeing a psychologist in campus or councillor they helped me alot when i was going through stuff. even outside campus if u have to. open up to ur parents since they're the only ones who truly care and help u. even for me when my friends couldnt help anymore, it was god and my parents that got me through.

 

all the best broz.

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Well I believe the whole "me blaming them for not noticing" thing is pretty much over now. I kind of grew past it. I think those feelings were also tied up in the last burst of rebellion kids have toward there parents (being pulled between home and individualism) once they go on to college.

 

I have thought about going to see a counselor on campus. The thing is I just don't know if I can. I guess I just have to suck up the courage and go and do it.

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Well I believe the whole "me blaming them for not noticing" thing is pretty much over now. I kind of grew past it. I think those feelings were also tied up in the last burst of rebellion kids have toward there parents (being pulled between home and individualism) once they go on to college.

 

I have thought about going to see a counselor on campus. The thing is I just don't know if I can. I guess I just have to suck up the courage and go and do it.

 

The one good thing about being where you are right now - at college - is as you say there is a whole range of resources at your disposal. The counsellor is an EXCELLENT place to start. They will be able to help you with your feelings, and also direct you to getting practical help with your subjects and what you should be doing.

 

I know this has been a long problem for you, but you can address this with the professionals at your finger tips in college! Take advantage of them, try every avenue, be honest with them as you've been here, and see how life can change.

 

I honestly believe that we are not pre-destined to continue the way we have been all our lives, that we ALWAYS have the capacity to change and grow, no matter how old or how desperate. And you too have this capacity to change the things you don't like in your life. You've identified a first step, reach out and take it! And keep posting here, there are always people to help.

 

Cheers!

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