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hey this is about me and my best friend. I am in love with her. Lately, we have become extremely close. Physically and emotionally. We literally hug eachother for hours (no exaggeration) and we were holding hands when we were out today. I am under no illusions. I know she is not interested in me romantically. (I just know, plus she takes like an hour to reply to some text messages sometimes if I text her during the day when im not with her.)

 

My problem is that I can feel really down and upset in an instant. Like tonight, when she left me and didn't hug me (probs cos we were in a car) I could have cried. I know that now I'm going to feel down and like I can't be bothered until I see her again on monday.

 

I can't begin to describe how great our friendship is, and it's something I've wanted since forever. But my feelings are really upsetting me. I've accepted that she'll never like me in the same way, but I feel bad cos I feel like I'm lying to her and when I'm feeling down (usually about her) she always asks what's wrong and I tell her some random thing that might be bugging me a little and she does everything she can to make me feel better about it. But there's nothing she can do to help me really.

 

I dunno why I'm posting this cos I don't think there's any advice I can get off anyone. I've posted so many threads similar to this and my thoughts are always so messed up that I can never fully explain myself.

 

I CAN'T tell her my feelings, cos right now her friendship means the world to me. She is my world. Which can't be completely healthy. I feel bad cos I think ive neglected other friends to be with her, in fact I know I have. But I can't tell her how I feel cos I would go insane without her.

 

I think i've answered my own question, if I can't tell her then I've just got to live with it. but it's soo hard. sometimes.

 

I can't live without her and I can't tell her. So there's nothing else I can do but to carry on and hope that I don't go insane.

 

Ok, this turned out to be a total rant.

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I think your not being honest to yourself, and you don't know her as well as you hoped to. Personally i do think she cares for you more then you imagine. But you suffer from anxiety, you are so in love with her that you are being completely irrational and don't see how you aren't giving her any breathing space, for instance replying to a text message should be allowed within at least a time span of 3 days. I feel your being far far too clingly with her, its ok to be in love but your overreacting in many ways.

 

What you need to do is to start showing you have a life of your own to live, you and her are like you being the moon circling around her the earth. Take your own orbit around the sun if you know what i mean, that can be together with her, make it a joint experience, don't disregard your own life.

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I agree with robowarrior. If this girl does have romantic feelings for you at all, they are probably being repressed because of how little space you give her.

 

That being said, I don't understand why she is being so phsically friendly towards you if she has no intention of dating. Do you hug for hours after a fight, or if one of you has just experianced a stressful situation? Or do you just literally see each other and hug and never let go? I find that a bit odd for just a friendship.

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hey imsoinlovewithher...rants are fine, I rant all the time lol. I can seriously relate to what you said.

 

I was sorta like you, insecure about the friendship, me and my best friend were really close but we weren't really that close because I couldn't tell her of my feelings, so i felt like i was lying to her, and I at times I would get jeolous . I as well felt like I neglected other friends. I seriously came close to telling her of my feelings for her, but i was fearful it would screw things up. For my situation though...It is completely 50/50 for me that something could happen between us, i know her views of gays etc, she might be herself... but i always feel that apprehention.

 

Recently for a couple weeks we have been totally distant, we slowly started fading away on my part and on hers, we went from seeing each other 5 times a week to 2-0 times. I was sad for a while, but honestly it was for the best. You will be alright with out her, and maybe a little distance between you two is necesary to let you know that it will. Maybe try focusing on other friends and people. That's what I am doing right now, it was rough, but I feel a lot better about myself and the friendships I have.

 

I think what robowarrior and roasted carrots brought up is something you could maybe consider, if you haven't already.

 

Actually after I distanced myself, lately me and her have been hanging out slowly and talking more. I think its because she started noticing I was getting closer to other people, specifically this one girl, and she seemed to get upset and irratated,but she didn't really explain and dropped the matter though. I don't know what that means, maybe she realized how much we mean to each other, I dunno, but we are hanging again, and this time I no longer feel so insecure of our friendship, so its better.

 

.... the instance you explained about getting no hug in the car happened to me last night too haha

 

Anyway I hope this helped out in some way, I know how hard it can be.

Feel free to pm.

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Thanks for all the replies. I think my comment about the replying to the text in an hour thing was taken a bit the wrong way. I spend most of my time donig my best not to be clingy, I do give her space. I swear I do. It does sound quite bad what I wrote but honestly, I'm very aware of seeming clingy and needy and I honestly do my best to give her space.

The last couple times that I have seen her, she's asked me. We see eachother every day anyway at college. We've just been off this week.

 

Anyway, I realise that I should spend more time with other friends. It's quite bad cos I find myself not really wanting to see other people cos I know I just wouldn't have as good a time as if I was seeing her. The other friends I have aren't great friends anyway. But I know I should make more of an effort to spend time with them.

 

It's also true that I should have more of my own life that doesn't involve her. I'm not quite sure how to go about that. I don't have much free time, being at college every day til after 5.

 

With the hugging thing, it often happens after we've had a conversation about how we couldn't live without eachother. Other times when one of us is upset. Any time we sit down together, we link arms and stroke eachothers hands. I know not to take any of this the wrong way though, I think she's just a touchy kinda person.

 

About a week ago, she got really upset cos she thought she might lose me. It is a two way thing, I'm not an annoying in your face, hug me hug me clingy friend. But I know I do have a problem.

 

tellmebaby - thanks for your advice, it made a lot of sense. I'm struggling to think how I could actually not spend time with her though, I miss her when I'm not with her. She even said to me that she misses me after like a day. If I backed off, there would be questions and I promised her not that long ago that I would never back off from her (after she got all upset about losing me.)

 

I'm feeling a bit better now anyway. I've just got to see what happens with us. If I keep on this huge rollercoaster of emotions, which is affecting my life, I'm going to have to tell her, just so that I can know where I stand and try and move on from her I suppose.

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i understand dear.. i am in the SAME situation...i think u both need each other n are not able to express your love...i mean..y would she get upset..with things u do.....i believe physical closeness does mean sumthing...i had my friend over to my place like for 3 days n we were very close... at night too...like she putting her legs on me n sleeping very close...u have a gut feeling i mean.. butl ike you i have yet not been able to tell her my feelings... n i nkow i vant live without her jus like you dear...i think u should try other activites n social gathering that may keep u away from her even your thoughts.. its tough but at one point it becomes less...

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Yeah I think I do need to see other people more. Lately she's been all I've thought about, the only friend I've seen. I need to get out of that, cos it's not right. In the long run it's not making me happy. We lay all one night on my bed, arms wrapped around eachother totally hugging, all night. We didn't sleep, we lay and talked and dozed off and just held eachother all night.

But thats not really relevant. I'm going to stop letting her dominate my thoughts...hopefully.

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i understand what you're going through! i feel the same way about my friend. i don't have that many other friends...well i have other friends but im not as close with them. i try hard not to be clingy...and i think that's the only way to handle it. when i first realized how i felt about my friend, i tried to go out of my way to see her all the time. After a while of feeling lonely when i didn't talk to her, i decided to try to keep my mind off her and wait for her to call me. It kind of worked...she started calling me a lot so now i feel like i can call her whenever I want. We became closer...but we're just really good friends and nothing more. I guess im not really in a position to give advice since my situation is a mess!

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Yeah, that's how I am. I have other friends but I'm nowhere near as close to them. Everything I feel is kinda doubled since she is the first best friend I've ever had, and the first friend who really does care about me. I haven't had a great past 5 or 6 years friends wise, and to have this amazing friend just makes my feelings towards her more intense I think.

 

I'm just plodding along right now, I never ask her to do anything two times in a row. I'm petrified of coming accross a clingy.

 

I just wish I could stop feeling so down when we haven't had a great conversation or when we've both been bored in eachothers company. It doesn't happen often, but when it does I feel so scared and worried that she's going to go off me and make some other friend.

 

Actually, I am really worried about what how I will handle it when she makes new friends. Cos she will. I'm already jealous of one of her exisiting friends and I know I'll be jealous of any new friends that she makes. Even though I know i really really shouldn't be. I can't help feeling it. I do think I hide it well though, and it doesn't affect me all the time but I am worried about that.

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Everything I feel is kinda doubled since she is the first best friend I've ever had, and the first friend who really does care about me. I haven't had a great past 5 or 6 years friends wise, and to have this amazing friend just makes my feelings towards her more intense I think.

 

 

I think you might be onto something. I have not had a good past "friend wise" for while either (I've never been surrounded by many good friends), and my friend is kind of the first best friend i've had. Maybe that's why we both feel so strongly towards our friends.

 

And as for not wanting to come accross as clingy...that's exactly how I am. My greatest fear is to find out that my friend thinks i'm clingy. It's kind of a weird personality quirk, but i've always really cared about how people view me...and it kills me if i find out there's something about me that people don't like (like being clingy). That's why my situation is so hard for me...I'm afraid to tell anyone my feelings because I care so much about what they'll think about me. It's good to know I'm not alone!

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