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11 months and she called


temujin
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Not sure if anyone here still remember my story... its the usual grass is greener on the other side story... ex dumps me for richer guy.... I fall into depression.. starting crawling out of the mess only these few months recently... things got better.. life is moving along fine and... ex calls after breakup with her new beau......

 

Not sure why I am even posting this............ does it matter anymore?......

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sorry.. she just put down the phone like 30min ago and I am .. in the best way I can described it... "shellshocked"......

 

heres how it went

 

Ex: "Hi, how are you"

Me: "Who are you?" (It was a unknown number on my phone)

Ex: "You really cannot remember who I am?"

Me: "No, you are?"

Ex: "You don't know who I am?"

Me: "Well, you din tell me your name, how would I know?"

Ex: "I am J...."

 

* At this point I broke down....

 

Ex: "I am sorry for what I have done, are you still angry with me?" (At this point she started crying too)

 

The next 10 min she was apologizing for all her actions at the end of our relationship (she cheated on me) and all I said was that I forgave her already and told her not to talk about the past anymore.

 

Topic drifted to what I am doing now and what she is doing now etc.... and how she broke up with that guy.. and how she never really felt anything for him... perhaps the crux of the conversation was when she started asking me about my feelings for her.

 

Ex: "Do you still love me?"

Me: *long silence*

Ex: "Why can't you give me an answer?"

Me: "Sorry, maybe I can say it definitely 8 months ago but now I don't know"

Ex: "Will you fall in love with another girl?"

Me: "I have not gone out on a date for months already, sorry if you want to talk to me about anything else, I am willing to chat with you, else if you want to stay on this topic I will have to put down the phone."

 

Conversation goes on and ended with me cutting her off and telling her that I gotta sleep early for work.

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Also it could be the case of looking for someone to make her feel better about herself. Because this new relationship she dumped you for didn't workout, she probably feels she could fall back on you.

 

Obviously your still torn up about it and its most likely a selfish thing she is doing. Maintain yourself and strength - move forward and leave her behind. She doesn't deserve your shoulder to cry on or feel safe with. -Unless of course you want that?-

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well if more from the conversation for you people to ponder over.. I am just pouring this out to get it off my mind..

 

she said she initiated the breakup with the guy and she say she keep thinking about me, she said that no matter somehow no matter how successful and rich a guy is (that guy was), some other people just cannot be replaced. she say when she is with that guy.. she never felt "in love" beause it felt like he can live without her and she can live without him.

 

and it carried on to....

Ex: "Do you still love me?"

Me: *long silence*

Ex: "Why can't you give me an answer?"

Me: "Sorry, maybe I can say it definitely 8 months ago but now I don't know"

Ex: "Will you fall in love with another girl?"

Me: "I have not gone out on a date for months already and sorry if you want to talk to me about anything else, I am willing to chat with you, else if you want to stay on this topic I will have to put down the phone."

 

Then she started talking about this guy that she said wasl ike me... in terms of personality and interests. i just shut her up also.. say that I have no interst in knowing that and I dun even want to think about what she has done with him..

 

And she said something wanting to remain frens, then I say no problem but condition is I do not get to hear any stories about which guy she goes out with..

 

Thats about it..

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Yeah, I stand by what I previously said. Some people find it easier to know someone else still loves them. Its an emotional safety net. Again, if this conversation isn't progressing toward reconciliation then protect your emotional self. Whatever that means to you.

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She sent me an email after that...

 

"

thanks. i m not sure why did i ring u up yesterday. hope i din make ur day bad. i know lots of things had happened on ur side ever since i left, same with my side, but guess u wun be interested to know.

 

u said u grew up from that incident, same here. i dun think i'll b getting into any relationship within these 1-2 yrs, it's simply too tiring to have expectation on someone yet to be disappointed again and again. i m thinkin of applying citizenship so tt i can buy a re-sale flat n bring my mom over. she's quite old, i think i really should spend more time with her while i can. since i can't stay in indonesia permanently, maybe e best solution is to bring her over, but lots of paper works to do, think of it only then i starting to get headache liao. few days ago, she complained tt paying 580 per mth is like helping other person to pay e mthly instalment, i think she's quite right.

 

i'm quite tired of living alone too, after 5 yrs alone here, it's not all abt laundry or home-cooked food, but e feeling tt someone is actually home for u. i think wat i need is more of companionship than relationship,

 

how's ur parents doing? ur father got a new job? how's ur bro? in U now?

 

my workplace is quite ok, stable job, boring though, aunties all quite dote me like their own daughter, although i throw tantrum at them once in a while, haha. got a sissy guy sitting beside me, behaviour wise really scary, but after a while quite accustomed to him. actually not a bad person, everytime i am hungry i'd just turn my head "alan, i am hungry" then he starts to dig for foods. but quite petty though, we r still thinking of a way to test out whether he's straight or not, maybe one day will bring him to gay pubs at Tj.Pagar....

 

if i seriously wan to buy a house, i really need to get a job change, otherwise i really have to watch my spending n no more 2 oversea trips per yr. but colleagues r quite nice ppl, really feel sad to leave them. waiting for my JLPT 1 test on dec ,oh yeah, i passed level 2 already (expected right, i am language genius lol). actually planned to leave once i pass the test n get the result in 2007 March (keeping my fingers crossed). also, by then all my study loan will be cleared and every mth i'll have excess 500 (+ no more rental, means i can afford 1,000 bucks mthly instalment). gosh, i m only 22, but i actually have to think of all these things...

 

gotta run, tks for offering a listening ear, u know, i always think u r a nice guy!"

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Hey temujn I am here to tell you something you probably dont want to hear. Thats that those who are saying that she is just using you as an emotional saftey net are absolutley dead on.

 

The context of her email, conversations, reminds me of situations i've had. I was too dumb to see it at the time because I loved them and didnt want to say goodbye. But the point is shes not gonna come back, shes coming to you now for companionship, she wants to know someone is there. You are there for her, she seems like she just wants to talk to you like a friend, and thats evidenced when she says i always think your a nice guy.

 

If you still care about her alot, then this is going to be hard to talk to her. Theres no chances of reconciliation here that I can see. I hope you are doing well and I wish you the best.

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Honestly, what do you feel about this?

 

Disregard the posts about her using you as an emotional safety net for now.

 

Do you want to continue corresponding with her in hopes of a reconciliation?

 

If so, are you willing to risk your months worth of healing to act on this?

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Honestly, what do you feel about this?

 

Disregard the posts about her using you as an emotional safety net for now.

 

Do you want to continue corresponding with her in hopes of a reconciliation?

 

If so, are you willing to risk your months worth of healing to act on this?

 

Good point Derailed.

 

she said she initiated the breakup with the guy and she say she keep thinking about me, she said that no matter somehow no matter how successful and rich a guy is (that guy was), some other people just cannot be replaced. she say when she is with that guy.. she never felt "in love" beause it felt like he can live without her and she can live without him.

She still has a long way to go to prove those words. Right now they are nothing but words !

She cheated on you and she left you for another richer guy. Think VERY carefully before believing any of the words she says, even if you want to believe them because it makes you feel better.

She might still be with that guy for all you know. They might only be going through hard times and she could only be coming to you for emotional support.

Do you want to give her that ? Give her your feelings and your energy only to be left out again ?

I don't want to sound rude but it would be stupid to repeat the same mistake. Shame on you if you fool me once, shame on me if you fool me twice !

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