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ok, i didnt send the letter


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yesterday i asked for advice on whether or not to send my ex a letter,telling him how i feel. the overwhelming answer was "dont do it" so after a day of torture i decided to carry on with n/c,its been four weeks now since he left,

Last night i went to visit friends (these were our mutual friends)

My ex was picking up our kids at 7pm from my parents home so i didnt see him,but he asked the kids where i had gone and obviously they told him i was visiting P&S(friends names)

Anyway i had been at friends house for about 45 mins when P received a text from my ex,this was out of the blue they said,because they havent heard from him in weeks, he asked P (who is the male friend) if he could call down to his new place (the reason was something to do with work) but nothing important.

He didnt ask P if i was there , and i requested that when he went to see my ex that he wouldnt mention it unless my ex asked outright(i wouldnt expect my friend to lie for me!)

I left their house before P got back from my ex's so i dont know the outcome of the visit.

I was just wondering if anyone knows if this means anything or am i reading to much into nothing.

This is not the first time he has acted suspciously, he seems to make it his business to know everytime i go out socialising,He will make up an excuse to find out if i went out,eg, when he picked the kids up saturday he asked, did you go out last night, when i didnt reply, he said, only i was wondering if my mum called you?

Why didnt he just ask me if i,d heard from his mum??

What do you think??

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Yesterday you said that you wanted him to know that there are consequences to treating people the way he has treated you. Well, these are the only consequences he can feel, the only thing that hurts him: Not being able to see you and talk to you whenever he wants. Apparently he didn't figure that into the "grand plan" when he left.

 

It doesn't pay to speculate into why he wants to see you -- one would hope it would be regret, but I've seen so many times that it could be guilt, wanting to know that you are okay with his decision to leave you, or it could also be wanting to see that you are still in pain, so that he has the idea that he can still get back with you later if he wants to. So don't jump to any conclusions, but I would say yes, he is trying to see you, he's just being cowardly about it. Obviously no contact is working -- now he's hurting and can't have what he wants, too, and it's all his fault.

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i dont know if its that he wants to see me, as much as he wants to know what i'm doing. it seems as though he is trying to keep tabs on my whereabouts. i feel his call last night to our mutual friends was to find out if i was actually there,as the kids had told him,or if i was somewhere else.

but even so i would like to know his reasons.

its all so very confusing!!

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Hey there kath,

 

I totally agree with Juliana on this. You mentioned yesterday you wanted him to feel the consequences of him leaving you and cheating on you. Well, this is it. The fact he has no say in what you do, has no idea with whom you are spending time with and so forth. It may not mean as much to you as far as him knowing how he hurt you but I am sure he is squriming a bit and perhaps slowly, he will realize this is what happens in the aftermath of a breakup and he will have to deal with it.

 

It is hard to say what his motives are. I would not spend anytime trying to make sense of them. I would use that energy to get well, get your life back on track and to recover. I am pleased that you spent time with friends last night. That is what you truly need.

 

Hang in there.

 

(((hugs)))

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thanks everyone

it has made me realise that n/c is best, although there will probably be a few more close shaves like i had yesterday before i'm over this mess.

the best thing of all is this place, and everyone willing you on,i really dont know what i'd do without you all!

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