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She Seems to Be Pushing to Contact Me....


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For those who don't know I was in a relationship for 4+ years... nearing marriage... decided to break it off about 2 months ago(mutual). I have gone NC for a good 4 weeks now... and it feels great! Well this last weekend was my birthday (turned 24 ... WOOO!) and I had a fun one=) Well she just messaged me today on MySpace saying Sorry for not saying happy birthday over the weekend and other stuff like that.

 

THEN... she is wanting me to add her back on her buddy list.... about 4 weeks ago(my reasoning for going NC... gave me closure) she really got my blood boiling when I asked how things were. SHe gave me the blow by blow on how much she loves the new BF's family, and how she spent the weekend with him...etc...etc... oh and how he pays for her gas... COMPLETELY INSENSITIVE... so I went NC....

 

Now this... do I do it.... or keep holding out? DO you think she is trying to pull me back into her world?

 

She is really not a bad person (she is a major reason I am still here today)... just knocked me off my block when she replied 4 weeks ago....

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I feel that saying something isn't even worth it.... she hasn't said anything to create a feeling of "she misses me" or she wants me back.... she just said she thought about me.... I think your right about the comfort thing... but do I really want to break my current NC for just this comment?

 

Am I a * * * * for not saying anything? I mean its totally not me to be like this.... its kinda fun... but at the same time its not me to not reply... but its better for me if I dont... HAHA... wow im losin it...

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She probably does miss things about you. After 4 years, you know?... there must have been things she liked and misses still. Do you really want to continue to hear what a great b/f this guy is? I don't think so.

 

Anway, add her to your buddy list if you want to. If you want her back, give her that option too but don't be too much of a crutch or she won't miss you (you'll still be there until she no longer does).

 

There is a fine balance required here.

 

Wishing you well, my friend.

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Do you really want to continue to hear what a great b/f this guy is? I don't think so.

 

It's your decision.

 

I do hope someone else will post here! Otherwise I have a really heavy burden and I once told a girl whose b/f said that if she didn't go back to him he would kill himself and I told her that she shouldn't give in to emotional blackmail. He threw himself under a train!!! Truth!

 

The decision really IS YOURS!

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Oh wow... thats rough... jeez Don't worry no throwing myself under a train here... yah usually I get 3 or 4 other posters... interesting....

 

I think I am going to sit on her Request in myspace for now... if I feel she really wants to amend something then maybe.....

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You should also take your own advice Captain eh? Good luck with that.

 

Chasen had a relationshop for 4 years and they were almost married. They broke up but he isn't obsessing. Does he want her back? Maybe. He isn't in danger here of losing his head. He's a strong guy and can take it if she wants to be on his buddy list. She asked him remember? Just because she is on his list, doesn't mean he has to respond, does it? I said there was a fine balance and not to be her crutch.

 

They only broke up 8 weeks ago and maybe for them, it isn't the end. Maybe it is and time will tell.

 

I may be blunt (ish), but I am a good person and I honestly mean well.

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I hear both of you on this topic.... I loved and still love the girl... she is a * * * * * for doing what she did in the email....and I know she knows what she was doing....

 

But I have a tendency to want to look at her profile... and I think right now I am too weak to add her(will look at it all the time).... it is out there tho... and if I sit on this request long enough maybe she will call me or email or somethin... dunno.... right now I am happy b/c her space is blocked unless I add her... so I am restricting myself from seeing anything that goes on her page... which is aweosme for me right now....

 

But you are right Captain I do deserve a better contact... and what I didn't tell you is she ended the myspace message with... Oh yah and you know that boxing bag you have.... could I buy it off you?

 

Interesting eh....

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Still too many psychological games going on here. It's obvious that you hope to get some kind of reaction out of her by limiting/eliminating any kind of contact and the only result from this is going to be a whole lot of BS'ing and a worse broken heart for you in the end.

 

If she's still contacting you, then you haven't done a good enough job of explaining things to her. You need to set an ultimatum for her that either you two get back together right now or else there is nothing left to talk about, ever. And then if she's not on board, you have to accept it as her final answer and move on as such. One thing to realize is that anything other than an outright yes equates to a no. Any of that, i want to get back together with you but not right now equals "I'm not interested in you anymore and don't want to get back together with you."

 

But honestly, stop the games and come clean. Even if you see temporary results, it never works out in the end. Just turns into a waste of time.

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Actually right now I am out for myself... she has found someone else to fall into... and I am doing fine on my own... in fact I feel better then I did with her... now thats saying something....

 

Don't really think I want to be with this girl right now... she continues to contact me... I continue to stay NC... until she can actually pick up the phone and call me... then thats when NC ends....

 

I am so done with the Myspace games... thats why she is off my list...

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Heloladies, sometimes a bit of game playing is not a bad thing. You seem to assume that game playing on ANY level is bad and wont solve anything. Sometimes you have to let the other person know that you arent waiting for them and wont take their BS. I know that sounds like a bit of game playing, but in a way it is giving them a taste of their own medicine. Sometimes you can get the unintended results of getting them back. Life is not all just black and white.

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Heloladies, sometimes a bit of game playing is not a bad thing.

Maybe for girls, but for guys this is never the case. It only leads to miscommunication and stringing along and broken hearts in the end. I've never seen it turn out good, this is strictly from experiece, both myself, my friends, and on this board. And if you have to play some kind of game to get the other person back, it's not going to be for real. It always ends up in another break up.

 

Sometimes you have to let the other person know that you arent waiting for them and wont take their BS.

??? That's not a game, that's being straight up and telling them the truth. This is the advice I usually give and would give in this case.

 

Trust me, I'm out there in the real world living this stuff, this isn't merely spouting off on some internet forum. I'm the first to admit if I don't know about something. I wouldn't give this advice so adamantly if I weren't sure of it.

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