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Sending a letter, email etc after the breakup...


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Did you ever do it?

 

I'm not talking about a letter or email pleading or begging...it was about 6 weeks after the breakup with strict NC... and I sent my ex an email saying how i didn't want to be friends with him and that I thought it was immature of him not to give me a reason...but still want me to be friends with him. it wasn't rude or angry, but it was firm.

 

After that we had no contact except for a couple of times when I ran into him.

 

I wonder if that email pushed him away even further... I felt I really needed to tell him that because it had been building up inside of me for so long...

 

Please don't give me that "its over now.. forget about him and move on, no point in looking back ' response. I KNOW that....

 

just curious...

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I sent several e-mails to my ex after we broke up, mainly in response to ones he sent me. I gave him a piece of my mind in all of them.

 

I'm all for letting people have it. If you need to get something off your chest, by all means, do it. I have been in happy NC for over a month after I told him all there was to be said. I am really done with him completely, moreso than when I broke up with him.

 

So yeah, it's all water under the bridge for you, too. Whatever it takes to help you move forward, do it.

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I agree 100% with the last post. Everyone always says NC, NC, NC!!! Sometimes we need to get things off our chests. Especially if he completely abandoned the relationship. I am in NC now. . but that is after I literally said everything that I had to say to him PLUS and it is NOW that I am able to move on from it. Although my ex never responded to anything I ever had to say. . . At least he heard it from me. A week after my ex and I broke up I called him and said every nasty thing that could come to mind. . . then I was sorry for ruining any chance we had for reconciliation or him speaking to me. The true fact was that he wasn't coming back anyway. He broke up with me for a reason (although I am not sure what it was). I emailed and apologized after that and then once a week I just had to get my closer . . usually by email. If he didn't like it. . . TOUGH! Then he should have been a man in the first place and discussed his reasoning for the break up or tried to work on our problems. . . whatever the issue was. I don't think calling or emailing or sending letters all of the time is the best idea. . but if you need to do that get it ALL OUT!!!! Put it on paper or write and email and if you need to be nasty or make peace. . . do it all at once. But please don't expect a response. . . that is where you get yourself hurt again.

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Yeh i sent a letter saying how i felt....but thats because i freeze in person and i can't say anything....made me feel a bit better though....just annoyed because he didnt say anything about it....

 

I think it's a good idea though...if your saying how you feel....gets alot off of your chest!

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After a break up, it's about doing what is best for YOU at the time.. and you did what was in your heart, so no regrets, ever for that. As far as it "pushing him further away"... that is not the case.

 

Because in the long run you will always know that at least you let him know where your heart was, and how hurt you were etc.

 

When love is "meant to be" between two loving, reciprocating, mature, respectful people, then nothing will push someone further away... just think how you would respond if you discovered, even after a break up that you REALLY wanted the person back in your life, no words, no emails, no nothing would stop you from trying to win them back.

 

What you sent to him was fine, just fine, no regrets, it's how YOU felt and that is VERY important, but now you can resume "no contact" and try one day at a time to move on.. it's tough, an ebb and flow of "I'm okay today" all the way to "I'm hurting so bad I can't breathe".. this is part of the healing....

 

Be proud of yourself for letting him know how you felt.... and if he ever does discover that he wants to "see you again as a couple" then HE has to have the courage and make an effort to "win back YOUR affection" anything less, is not what you are interested in anyway.. (although when our hearts are broken our minds play tricks on us making us think we'd be happy with any kind of contact, but that is NOT the case).. You are worthy of a man who is making a choice, and the effort to be in your life, plain and simple.

 

So rest assure that all you did was "okay", and it was best for you at the time you did it... but from today on, try just a little bit at a time to be in "acceptance" that he may not be "thee" guy for you.

 

So much of our heartache after a break up comes from "resistance"... we just can't let go of what we "hoped could be" but those are feelings that will pass in time, for today be in "acceptance" of what "actually turned out to be"... and take time to mourn the loss of what you "hoped could be".....

 

The reality is you lost who you "hoped" he could be... he did NOT turn out to actually be what you "hoped" for, so starting right now, you can make a choice to let go of who he actually is...he's a guy who is not interested in a long term loving relationship right now, plain and simple.. and it's his loss... you will find love again... and start by taking this time to love yourself, no regrets, just lessons you will take into your future..

 

Looking into the rearview mirror too long only causes us to emotionally crash over and over again.. look ahead, the best is ahead of you not behind you...

 

because YOU are worthy of the man you "hope" to have in your life.. a guy who ACTUALLY has the want and potential to love you the way you love him.. nothing less.. you deserve the best and you are now on the path to discovering this...

 

Yes it hurts, but sometimes in life we just have to be sad for awhile, it's part of growing into the best you possible, at some point you will look back and see this heartache as a gift... the opportunity for you to "grow" and "stand up for what you need in life".. and you'll get it...it just might be in "fate's timing" and not yours... we're all here for you, you're doing great..

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I read in a book this week that sending letters and explaining your feelings after you've broken up don't help at all. I wish I had the book with me here but I'm at work. It's from "All Men Are Idiots Until Proven Otherwise". The testimonial from the man who received a letter from his ex was so cruel. He said that he laughed at his ex...and lost complete respect for her because of the letter. He even read it to his friends!!! It hurt me to read his words. I've sent letters before..and now I wish I never did. I certainly will never do it again. It didn't help...it only made me look desparate, and unable to move on after the breakup.

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I fail to believe that every man is the same. Just b/c one mad is immature and shows off letters to his friends and laughs and loses respect for someone. . . that doesn't mean that every man will do that. I guess I just choose to have more faith in men that every one of them are going be that nasty. If they don't have respect for you before the break up then no. . they probably will not have respect for you after. But if a man truly loved you and you send him a letter expressing your feelings so that YOU can move on. . . I don't think he is going to lose respect for you from that alone. Telling the person how I felt has helped me a lot more to move on.

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Any guy who "loses respect" for someone who shows thier feelings, especially if they are hurt, well that guy has NO SELF-RESPECT... he has no empathy, no class, and probably no woman in his life... who would want to be with a guy who would laugh and show private mail to his friends??? yuk! Not that your email will be shown to anyone, but it was your way of getting things off your chest, and from now on write all your feelings down and email them to YOURSELF, you will see your own progress through all of this... So don't worry about what HE thinks of you, more importantly "you feel good about yourself".. and your feelings..

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Blender. . I agree with you 100%

You hit it right on the money. I have read 15 self help books since my break up. If I listened to everything that I read I would be 10 times more confused than I already was. I thought they were really "help". A lot of them just tell you what you want to hear. I know a ton of people who read the book "he's just not that into you". . . which is GREAT if it helps people. But I find it really hard to believe in something that was written by Sex and the City writers. Each situation is different and each person is different. Does anyones Mr. Big really come to another country to save you and sweep you off your feet and that is the end????? I am not so sure.

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yeh sometimes i wonder if i should have sent the email.

 

 

too late now, but i wasn't mean it it... I told him i thought it was immature of him to break up with me on my lunch hour outside work without even giving me a reason and that it was unfair of him to expect ME to work at being in a friendship with him when he couldn't work at being in a relationship with him.

 

 

i think i had every right to tell him how i felt... after all... he told me how HE felt.

 

 

unfortunately... this only reflects badly on me... and when he read that email he probably ran further and further away, thinking 'what a psycho!" 9even though my email wan't nasty or cruel)

 

i guess i still wonder, if i hadn't sent it... maybe i wouldn't have pushed him further away... if i even did do that

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You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself!! Why do you think it is ok for him to break up with you in the middle of work on your break and not give you a reason but "you" are the psycho for sending a letter that showed your feelings? Absolutely NOT! How long were you with this guy? If he cares about you and has respect for you he is not going to thing that. Who doesn't get mad at first when they experience a loss like that? You can ask any Doctor. . . their are stages of grief that everyone goes through when you experience a loss like that and one of them is ANGER. It is human nature. Please don't be so hard on yourself. Maybe one day down the road you can send him an email and apologize and let him know you were angry. If you wait a while you won't be wanting him to respond and you will both have some time to cool off.

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thanks sunshine! (awww. I like saying that! )

 

There had been about 6 weeks of no contact from the day of the breakup.... then i ran into him... and wanted to get it off my chest.. so i emailed him..

 

and have had a avery brief conversation with him since then there has been no contact, so i think going back to that old email would just drag the dirt out again.

 

thanks for your concern!

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I sent an email to my ex after 6 months of break up. It wasn't an angry email, i expressed my love for him, and asked for another chance. I havn't heard of him yet, it has been 4 weeks.

 

It is sad that some guys actually laugh at those emails. Are there any guys there actually appreciate for the love they receive?

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  • 5 years later...

Thank you for your message. Last week I sent an text to the guy I had a casual relationship with to end the relationship. At that time I was so hurt so I say hurtful things to thim. Then I regreted and sent an email to apologize for being so rude. I told him that I wished him good luck and this experience help me to learn what I don't want in a relationship. I also took responsability for my action since I had a casaul relationship after seeing all the red flags that he wasn't looking for a real relationship. Probably he thinks I am crazy, one day so angry and the next apologizing. I am working on loving myslef to gain my self steem. In order to move on I needed to ended things in peace. I have no hopes he will ever change. Thank you

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Thank you for your message. Last week I sent an text to the guy I had a casual relationship with to end the relationship. At that time I was so hurt so I say hurtful things to thim. Then I regreted and sent an email to apologize for being so rude. I told him that I wished him good luck and this experience help me to learn what I don't want in a relationship. I also took responsability for my action since I had a casaul relationship after seeing all the red flags that he wasn't looking for a real relationship. Probably he thinks I am crazy, one day so angry and the next apologizing. I am working on loving myslef to gain my self steem. In order to move on I needed to ended things in peace. I have no hopes he will ever change. Thank

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As a guy, if one of my friends showed me a heartfelt letter from a long term ex and was laughing about it, I would lose every bit of respect for him. I say that now as someone in a heightened emotional state, but 100 per cent would say the same thing when I am myself as well!

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