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When the Heart and Brain collide...

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When Heart and Brain collide: an epiphany of healing;


Most of us on this board have been dumped. Its no secret. We all came here to this site to figure out how to get our loved ones back, and/or how to move on. Like many of you, I had that long phase of not eating, losing weight, lack of interest, short of breathness, lack of sleep. Oh, and the ever favorite… depression. I didn't cry for 10 years. I didn't think I could anymore. I couldn't find anything that really hurt my feelings. Well, I could… as most of us here have found out as well. The ones that can hurt us the most, are the ones that we love. And like most of us here, we didn't find out about this site until *after we spilled our guts out. Bah. So the question becomes, what do I do now? How do I fix it? How do I make my ex want to come back?


This is where the heart and brain collide. It is a double-edged sword. They are intertwined. How can it be so simple as to say " listen to your brain, not your heart." Well… what if our brain is just as screwed up as our heart? What if my brain has the incessant need to wonder what my ex is doing? What if my brain seems to have the inkling to make every dream about ex since the breakup? How are you supposed to know what to trust?


The heart says " tell the ex how much you miss them. Tell the ex that you are sorry. Tell the ex that you have changed, that everything is better and that you still have love for them. Tell the ex that you will always be there for them. This is exactly what they want to hear, and they will come back after having heard it."


But then the brain says " Start thinking about who he/she is with right now! You are having fun hanging out with your new friends, but I think right about now is when you should start to think about the fun times you had with him/her doing the same exact things. Hey… trying to sleep? How bout a rolling that dream footage of vacation together and the ever-loved reconciliation date. Hey you know what, lets analyze every single word that he/she says from this point on. He/shes out partying with other people... something they never did that much with you. Tell this to the heart and cue the burn.... now!"


And then there are perfect posts on this site about how to deal with such break-ups. They seem to give you a small piece of hope. A sense of euphoria. You now see everything so clearly. Why wasn't it so clear before? It's obvious… we have to do NC. Because if we do nothing, then we cant possibly push them away. And we will have become better because of it. And yes NC works. Look at all the success stories here on this board. Most of all, it fixes our torn souls. … BUT there is one common discrepancy with the advice that may go unnoticed. Each person that is giving out the great advice has learned from experience.


That is what im getting at. When we fall and scrape our knees, we get up and put a bandaid on ( or if you are badass like me, just leave it a bloody-mess and sport it like it was supposed to happen) . Why do we do this? Well.. because we know that it will heal and be better once again.


Now in another scenario you fall and bust your knee up, not knowing if it will ever heal. People tell you it will heal in time, but you don't see it healing. And it still hurts and is getting infected. They say forget about it and think about something else. But you cant help but stare at the wound, wondering when it will heal. When will the pain stop. So you start to pick at it. You know this isn't going to help it heal, but you do it anyway. People tell you not to pick at it … but you do it anyway. And its not until you realize over time that the picking only drags the healing process on, that we stop.


Can you see the difference? I believe that everyone is human. Everyone is different, but yet everyone is the same. We do not believe the earth is round until we see it for ourselves. We will not stop picking at the scabs until we learn from experience that it will take longer to heal. Subsequently…we wont give up on trying to get them back until we realize that it trying is the first step torwards failure in this situation.


I think it is perfectly natural for everyone to make mistakes. You are not alone. Nobody is perfect. The same has happened to many of the great posters on this board. And they are just speaking from experience. So when you think that you are an idiot for thinking about the ex. That you are a dolt for wanting them back even after they left you for someone else. For trying to reconcile. Even just having a normal conversation. Remember that this is human nature. We learn from failing. If we never fail, we never learn. The heart and brain are connected, and once they both realize the same thing, we will have truly learned. The best course of action after a breakup is NC. But by no means does it mean you are wrong for trying to fix things. Dont get discouraged by your failure and give up. Fall 6 times - get up 7. You are an amazing person and many people like myself just cant learn from words alone. We have to experience the pain for ourselves. Are we gluttons for punishment? Meh... id say more on-the-job-learners.


~Take care and goodluck with your healing

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I agree - i did what i wanted with NC and it worked but the ex kept trying to contact me so finally i called him to say why nc was good for me he still didnt get it and i felt worse when spoke to him - i learnt from experience no matter what NC is the best - of course i miss him etc but the head says well think about it this person is going away he wants to know you around so he dont hurt so much before he go away -


so advice is - do what is best for you and try to listen to the head not heart for the time being.

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