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I just need to get this off my chest


afrodite79
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A couple of months ago my ex texted me. He had dumped me about two months before and out of the blue i get this text. I ignored it. Later on when i was at the bar he texted me again. He asked me if i wanted to have breakfast with him after work. He was working at another bar about a block away and i was sort of drunk so i agreed. I wanted to see what he had to say for himself about how he basically just ditched me, eat and go home. So we meet up and have breakfast. I was angry and drunk. I told him off. His excuses for just ditching me were stupid as i predicted. I asked him about the GF i heard he had and he said he wasn't with her anymore. I'm stupid and believe him. I was planning to just leave and go home but he wanted to walk me back since i live near him and we were going the same way. I let him. As we were walking back he kissed me. I still had some feelings for him so i gave in. I decided that since i was starting a new job that monday and that weekend was basically me ending a chapter in my life and starting a new one with that job that i'd sleep with him one last time.

 

I get to his apartment. Everything's fine. I'm still a little tipsy and tired. We get to his bedroom and he thinks i'm going to have sex with him without a condom. I say no way. He proceeds to pin me down and try to incert his penis in me. I tell him I'm not going to do it and to stop. I was really fighting him and trying to bite him in the face or do something to get him off me. i couldn't get up and he was holding me down enough to keep me down but not hurting me or anything. That went on for maybe a couple of minutes and then I tell him to stop it and just put a f***ing condom on. I guess he figured I wasn't going to go down without a fight and stopped and put a condom on. He kept trying to take it off though but i caught him taking it off and told him to just quit or i was out of there. After that it was like it never happened. I went to sleep on the other side of the bed and he came and put his arms around me and held me all night. It felt weird.

 

The next day he tells me that he enjoyed wrestling with me. I told him that he was stupid because i wasn't playing around. He really didn't think what he did was messed up. When i told him that i wasn't playing when i was trying ot get him off me he was like "But you were soaking wet." I told him "so the f***what?". I wasn't playing and i wasn't going to have sex with him without a condom. He just short of shrugged it off. I went to the bathroom and see all this girl stuff in his bathroom that obviously isn't his. I confront him about it and he denies that he's still with that girl. He acts like she doesn't and never did exist even after he's caught. I was beyond angry and felt horrible. He kept trying to sweet talk me and tried to change the subject. I felt horrible for contributing in betraying his GF even though i didn't know he was still with her when i slept with him. He acted like i wasn't a big deal and tells me "You wanted me just as much as I wanted you." and i was like "What the f*** is that supposed to mean? You're the one who'll have to deal with her if she finds out, not me." I don't know why i didn't get up and leave when he got off me. I feel like since i didn't that i deserved it. I was a little tipsy from the bar and tired. I don't know why i still even wanted to sleep with him after that. I guess it's because he just had some strange power over me. I just couldn't walk away from him. I still had feelings for him. After that i felt disgusted that i'd been with a guy like him and i felt bad for being part of him betraying his GF. I felt used and like a dirty wh0re. I felt stupid for not leaving.

 

I didn't realize what he did was attempted rape until a couple of weeks ago and i felt horrible. I've been depressed about it ever since and hated myself. Then on top of that i hear he married that girl after knowing her 4 months. It felt like i was the one who was stupid and nasty and deserved what i got and he probably won't treat her that way.

 

I really just needed to get this out. i know everyone probably just thinks i'm stupid for going to his apartment in the first place and not leaving after he tried to force me. I know i'm stupid for believing that he wasn't still with that girl. I know all that. I don't need to hear it again. I just wanted to vent.

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Hi

 

Sorry to hear about your experience.

 

You should run away from this guy. He is bad news.

 

And please do not get involved with a guy who already had a gf/wife. Because there would not be a happy ending and it would hurt the other person.

 

I really pitty the girl who is going to marry him.

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Hi

 

Sorry to hear about your experience.

 

You should run away from this guy. He is bad news.

 

And please do not get involved with a guy who already had a gf/wife. Because there would not be a happy ending and it would hurt the other person.

 

I really pitty the girl who is going to marry him.

 

Yeah it was bad. I think he moved so i never have to run into him again. Even if i did i would act like he didn't exist. If he hadn't lied and had told me he was still with that girl i wouldn't have went back to his place. I'd never get with a guy i knew had a GF or was married.

 

If he hasn't changed i feel bad for that girl too but maybe she'll be the girl he finally does treat right.

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Hey afrodie just a little thing I'd like to add...you should tell his now new wife about what happened, just e-mail her or something. It's better she finds out now than after who knows how many years of marriage when there will be children involved and so on...

 

You'll be doing her a favor if you do, and if she won't believe you it doesn't matter then you will have tried, and she definitely will be more weary after hearing that.

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I don't classify that as rape. He did eventually comply with your request to put a condom on. He did attempt to rape you however. That isn't right.

 

I don't think we should try to hurt another person, no matter how much we might be hurting and so telling his wife shouldn't be an option. She will find out what he's like in her own time and I don't think she would be receptive.

 

I think you should treat this as a valuable experience and learn from it. You were worth more than that guy and he was offering you nothing you didn't want at the time. He lied but you did choose to believe the lies he told. I think we are often blind because we chooe to so I am not beating you up and you should not be beating yourself up either.

 

Live and learn and move on. Don't waste any more time on that rat.

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But she wouldn't be hurting the wife, he did that not her! And better to save the wife alot of trouble now then when they are really settled down and have children. Besides, she deserves to know, all this culture of secrecy when it comes to abuse of any kind is protecting the abusers.

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Hey afrodie just a little thing I'd like to add...you should tell his now new wife about what happened, just e-mail her or something. It's better she finds out now than after who knows how many years of marriage when there will be children involved and so on...

 

You'll be doing her a favor if you do, and if she won't believe you it doesn't matter then you will have tried, and she definitely will be more weary after hearing that.

 

No I'm not going to tell the wife. I don't know her and even if i did i wouldnt do that unless she was a close friend. It would be a bad idea to tell some chick i don't know that her new husband cheated on her with me, lied about still being with her and then tried to rape me all a month before he married her. She wouldn't beleve me and would think i was just a jealous crazy ex girlfriend (or ex trick). I don't want involve myself with him or his business anyway. If he's still crazy she'll find out. I get the feeling if he really hasn't changed she'll find out what he's like soon.

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I never said it was rape and it's not like i knew he was lying and didn't care. I found that out after the fact. When i was with him his friends were telling me that he never stayed with girls as long as he had been dating me and that was only 2.5 months. He was the type of guy who'd date a girl for a month or two and it would be over. I figured that he probably had stopped seeing her since it had been a couple of month since he'd ditched me.

 

Yeah I know i'm stupid. I'm glad i learned from it.

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Sorry, misread your post.

 

You know, we all do things we regret. That's good too though! You are an intelligent girl and you learned from your mistake.

 

Don't get me wrong though, he is making huge mistakes but he chooses not to correct them.

 

Don't worry or even get angry about this guy a minute longer. You know you are wasting your time and energy.

 

Shrug your anger and hurt off like a cloak.

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