Feeling that you can't trust anyone

[violingirl]

After a particularly painful breakup of a significant relationship, have any of you felt that you will never be able to trust anyone else again?

 

I feel that way myself, even though it's been 20 months since the breakup. I can't imagine being able to open up and really trust a man again, because I know how horrible it felt (and still feels) to have my trust and love betrayed and abandoned by my ex and I don't want to go through that ever again.

[desertnomad]

I can relate to that. Its only been four months here but I wonder how I could possibly risk being betrayed and abandoned again. But I probably will some day and if it does end again the same ...maybe I just wont care next time.

[robowarrior]

You need to act like a castle gate. Close yourself for bad people/things/events and open yourself for good people/things/events.

 

You can't put your life on a halt for all the mean people that are out there.

[Luck of the Irish]

I have the opposite problem. I'm obsessed with finding that someone. I openly trust too much. I give too much of my heart out too fast. I guess I just hope there is actually someone out there who means what they say.

 

I think something snapped inside of me after my ex. She was the worst thing that ever happened to me. I actually considered becoming gay after my ordeal with her. Think about it, no awkward silences, watching the game all day, no constant mood swings, no drama, wouldn't always ask "What are you thinking?", "I don't know where this is going". I could go fishing and say three words all day long and it wouldn't be the least bit awkward.

 

Anyway, not to hijack your thread. I think most people drastically change after a breakup. The majority of people guard their hearts to some extent, like you, and a few nuts like me do just the opposite.

 

Death, divorce, and taxes. Here's a toast to us all hoping that we make it the first one without too much of the second and third....

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

I believe this is quite common.

 

And it's a good protective mechanism. Then again, you can never have been cheated on (I havn't been to the best of my knowledge) and still be untrusting and paranoid (as I am).

 

Ultimately, we can never trust anyone 100%. You can't even guarantee the sun will rise tomorrow morning either, come to think of it. But you can't do anything about either situation, so life's smart people don't worry too much about it.

[violingirl]

robowarrior, I wish it were as simple as acting like a "castle gate." My ex earned my complete trust after a number of months dating, because he treated me with respect, included me in his life completely (family, friends, etc.) and was very affectionate and caring toward me. So, I didn't expect him to pull a 180 on me after 19 months together and leave me for an ex-girlfriend of his (and cheat with another ex-girlfriend).

 

Perhaps I should have still kept my guard up a bit even after he proved himself trustworthy. I just really felt that I could trust him completely and that he would never hurt me like that.

[LeftBehind]

robowarrior, I wish it were as simple as acting like a "castle gate." My ex earned my complete trust after a number of months dating, because he treated me with respect, included me in his life completely (family, friends, etc.) and was very affectionate and caring toward me. So, I didn't expect him to pull a 180 on me after 19 months together and leave me for an ex-girlfriend of his (and cheat with another ex-girlfriend).

 

Perhaps I should have still kept my guard up a bit even after he proved himself trustworthy. I just really felt that I could trust him completely and that he would never hurt me like that.

 

I can relate to this. The very second my complete trust was gained, she was out the door.

 

Literally 3 days later.

 

I'm still here. She's still gone.

[GottaLetItBurn]

After a particularly painful breakup of a significant relationship, have any of you felt that you will never be able to trust anyone else again?

 

I feel that way myself, even though it's been 20 months since the breakup. I can't imagine being able to open up and really trust a man again, because I know how horrible it felt (and still feels) to have my trust and love betrayed and abandoned by my ex and I don't want to go through that ever again.

 

 

I feel the same way aas you. It's not so easy either way you try, because how do you know who is good? No one lets someone in their life thinking they are bad, there is just no way to tell. That's why it's called betrayed, someone you thought was good, turned out to hurt you. You can't take that risk again, I feel you. It's so hard to feel like this.

[violingirl]

Anyone else care to weigh in?

[desertnomad]

Would you consider a betrayal of trust also to be if you had a fight or something and said some things you didnt mean in years past? Maybe it is but I just cant see it on the same level as cheating and abandonment and that kind of betrayal. Anyone?

[shikashika]

its not trust that i worry about... but i'll definitely be more guarded next time... problem is...if you don't give love, how can i ever expect to receive it?

[violingirl]

That is a problem. I really don't feel like giving anyone my love at all right now. I feel very closed off. I think that I would wait for the man to express feelings for me before I would consider opening up much to him. Of course, I don't know if that would actually work.