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A question for parents: Is this normal?


n83
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I am addressing this question to parents because frankly, I think you HAVE to be a parent to get the full grasp of what I'm asking.

 

Basically my question is this: Is it normal that my biggest fear is something bad happening to my son?

 

I am TERRIFIED of something bad happening to him. When I hear about bad things happening to children on the news, or in a newspaper, I cry my eyes out. I have NO idea how parents move on after the death of a child and I honestly think I would kill myself if something ever happened to my son. I would not want to live at all, and I don't even think I could go on even if I wanted to... (If I ever say that to someone, they are so shocked that I could even think like that) Even just thinking about it makes me cry uncontrollably.

 

I wasn't at all like this before my son was born... My mom used to cry when she saw bad things on TV or in the news, and I would roll my eyes at her. Now I cry wayyyyy more than she ever did!!!

 

Is this normal????

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Being someone who has almost lost their child very early on in his life I say you'd have more problems if you didn't worry. Honestly I think any good parent always has this fear in the back on their minds. Hell, my son still sleeps in my bed because I cant sleep unless my hand is on his chest making sure he is still breathing, or I am always having horrible nightmares of something bad happening. I just think its a part of parenthood.

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It's just that I get a lot of criticism when I say that I wouldn't want to go on if something happened to him: "Don't be ridiculous" or "don't say those things"

 

But that's truly how I feel ... and I can't imagine that feeling ever going away..

 

Recently a girl that I had gone to high school with was killed in a car accident, and even though I hardly knew her I can't imagine how her parents felt... I went to the wake with friends and it was just awful. So I can't even imagine how that must have been for her parents...

 

I don't know what it is but it felt like that feeling of love was "awakened"... I wonder why it only shows up when you become a parent?

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Hell, my son still sleeps in my bed because I cant sleep unless my hand is on his chest making sure he is still breathing, or I am always having horrible nightmares of something bad happening.

 

Mythical -

Is there a chance of something bad happening to him again, or is it that you're afraid something will (if you don't mind me asking..)

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I'd wonder about you if you didn't feel that way, honestly. I would rather die than have something bad happen to my son. I'd rather take every bit of pain that he'll have to experience in his life. He's going to have to have surgery in a few months, and I would rather have that surgery myself so he didn't have to experience the pain of it.

 

We are made to protect our children, to be their ultimate empathizers. I don't really think I could go on if my son died - although if I had other children I would obviously have to get my stuff together for them.

 

I used to watch TV shows where kids died and be sad, but never cry. Now I have to pause the show (yay TiVo) and get it out of my system for a few minutes. A couple of months ago, a child died on an episode of House. I knew it was coming, and stopped watching. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle watching the mothers' (it was two lesbian moms) grief over their child dying. My husband kept watching, but I just got on the computer and played music really loud so I wouldn't have to hear it.

 

I know a lot of people don't feel it's the same, but when I lost my first baby due to an ectopic pregnancy, I spent a lot of time in bed. There's nothing like knowing that my baby was dying inside of me, and while my every instinct wanted me to dive inside myself and protect my child from the drug that was killing it, I obviously knew that the pregnancy couldn't continue or I would die. I spent the next week just staring at a wall. I never thought I'd laugh again or be happy. It took a good bit of therapy to get me out of that point in my life. Feeling that way over a child I never met, never held, never saw laugh, never cuddled just reinforces the idea that I'd definitely be a shell if something bad happened to my son.

 

So yeah, you're totally normal. If you find that the worry is taking over your life and incapacitating you in any way, you might want to seek help for it. But dread over anything bad happening to your kid is absolutely normal.

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Wow Paisley... I have never seen House but I totally know what you mean... If there's even a CHANCE of something bad happening to a child, I refuse to watch any more... I honestly just can't.

 

I've heard of many women having ectopic pregnancies and going through the same thing you did, I'm glad you were able to have your son and experience parenthood. It sure has its tough moments but it's the best thing, to be snuggling with your baby at night!!

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LOL... you'll notice the time... right now I'm not snuggling with him so much as engaging in an epic battle to see which happens first - he goes to sleep, or I give him to his father who apparently can get him to sleep 100x better than I can. Every time I try to put him in his crib, he pops awake...

 

*yyyaaawwwwwnnnn*

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Mythical -

Is there a chance of something bad happening to him again, or is it that you're afraid something will (if you don't mind me asking..)

 

 

Its not the chance of something else happening its just paranoia I guess you can say since what did happen in the firs tplace was such a "freak" incident if you can call it that and we were never able to get a diagnosis for what was happening it's been over a year and he's been fine with no problems but you never know.

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It's completely normal, IMO.

 

I too have a hard time watching TV shows that involve children being hurt or killed, and when I read articles in the paper about children being murdered or abused it's even worse because those things actually happened.

 

The only thing that would keep me from completely losing it if one of my children died, would be my other living child. It wouldn't be fair if I gave up.

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Its not the chance of something else happening its just paranoia I guess you can say since what did happen in the firs tplace was such a "freak" incident if you can call it that and we were never able to get a diagnosis for what was happening it's been over a year and he's been fine with no problems but you never know.

 

Understood... jeez, when my son would get colds I'd be all freaked out, so I can't imagine..

 

The only thing that would keep me from completely losing it if one of my children died, would be my other living child. It wouldn't be fair if I gave up.

 

Ya April a few other people have said this to me.... but alas, I am a mother of one and might be for the rest of my life!

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I agree that is completely normal to worry about your children like that. My kids are 25 and 20 years old now and I still worry about them as my parents still worry about me and I am 48 years old.

 

Any loving and caring parent is going to always be concerned about things happening to their children. Its the parental instinct , and I don't really think it can be avoided at all.

 

I have two close friends that have lost teenage children to car accidents and I honestly do not see how they are going on with their lives. I suppose we some how find the strength to carry on. I sometimes think that if something happened to one of my kids, that I would absolutely go crazy.

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I say the exact same thing. People look at me funny too, but frankly ... I don't care what they think. I will definitely not be able to continue living if anything (heaven forbid) ever happened to my precious little girl. I know EXACTLY how you feel!

 

I cry when I see kids getting hurt on the TV too, it breaks me. I used to love to watch ER... but when the kids get hurt ...i dunno, I cried like my world was falling appart. Eventually my husband told me, that for his own sanity I should stop watching ER!!

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  • 2 weeks later...

And then I went and made it worse by watching Oprah. Any1 see that episode that was on recently, where the 15 year old girl stabbed her baby and dumped him in a quarry?

 

Yeah, I just bawled for an hour straight watching that..... Ughhhhh

 

You can't help but watch it though It's so horrible

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Not alone, and not at all. It's not just a mother thing either. My husband won't watch the news because he crys when he sees the horrible things that happen just a few miles down the road.

 

I cry myself to sleep sometimes, because now that I'm married I miss sleeping next to my daughter. In the new house the kids rooms are upstairs and while I enjoy a bit more privacy in the evenings, I hate thembeing so far.

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I'm glad to hear there are some dads crying too lol... not that it's a good thing, but.. my dad never cries when he sees stuff like that, but I know he gets angry, like if he sees something about child abuse or something like that.. my mom will just bawl hysterically..

even with my own son, I cry my eyes out, but his dad manages to keep it under control (although he gets angry just like my dad does)...

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I am the same way. I have a huge fear that something will happen to my 7 year old. That is why he is a great swimmer, has a cell phone, and rides in a hefty carseat.

 

I have to really concentrate when watching stuff on TV to not burst out in tears. Especiallly if its something traumatic to a family or animals.

 

My partner travels 75% of the time, my son ggets to crawl into my bed if he wakes up. We have a plan in case someone comes into our house i.e. hiding places, cell phone locations, and neighbors that I trust for him to go to. I have mace located in various places in the house.....wow...I sound paranoid!

 

But as long as the worrying doesn't have any negative affects on you or your childs life I think its normal.

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