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The one thing everybody needs to learn...


fatfaso
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The one thing everybody must learn is that it doesn't matter what our SO's reasons are for leaving... all we need to know is that they want to leave and that's it. After months of talking to the ex after the break-up (I know, i know... i should have initiated No Contact immediately, but I couldn't help myself...), I finally realized that she wants to be alone and that's it. Want to hear my story... its probably very similar to yours...

 

I dated my girlfried from when we were 18 until we were 24. We dated in high school and all through college and even one year while we were both in grad school. She followed me after college to Miami where I attend grad school and she found a grad school of her own down here. She decided to do several semesters abroad and during that time she started doing things that she didn't used to do while we were together (drinking, going to bars with her new friends, etc). I think it was at this point that she changed. She decided that she wanted to at least try to pursue a career in the field that she was studying at grad school, and doing so meant that she wouldn't be able to find a job that she liked in the place that I wanted to live at after I finished up with my schooling. She wanted to live in NYC or Chicago, and I wanted to return home to my family back in Michigan, where we're both from. So here's the strange questions that persists (and I'm sure probably bother a lot of people on this forum).

 

How could this person leave me after so many happy years together?

 

How could this person go from wanting one thing to wanting something completely different?

 

Wasn't I a great boyfriend/girlfriend to this person? How come they don't want to spend the rest of their life with me like I want to do with them?

 

Why aren't they willing to find a way to make things work out between the two of you?

 

And then it hits you... You have to let go. You could fight to bring back the relationship you had for an eternity and not make any progress at all. Why? Because the other person has to want the same thing you want and if they don't, you're fighting a losing battle.

 

So I hate to be a pesimist, but for all of you people out there trying to get back your SO; trying to make them realize what they're losing; trying to make them realize how much you love them and how its wrong for you not to be together... STOP! You're wasting your time and you're making your ex crazy with guilt in the process. Just accept that its over and that you'll probably never be with that person ever again. Be thankful for the times you had, but know in your heart that what you had is now in the past and probably can't be revived. Move on with your life and try to be happy. What you had with your ex was probably amazing and maybe the greatest thing that ever happened to you, but you have to realize that things change and some things are completely out of your control. Once you realize that you have no control over the situation and nothing you can do will affect the outcome, you'll begin to understand your situation a little bit better and you'll be on the road to recovery. Good luck to all of you jilted lovers out there! Its hard as hell to move on and forget the love of your life, but we must all learn to do it... otherwise we'll live lonely, depressed lives. Good luck everybody!

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Very well said fatfaso. And you are right.. Actually, we all know inside what the right thing to do is. But we never do it. We still want to try and see it fail to feel better in the long run. When you're older and you look back, you think "At least I tried till there was no other option". So even if everyone knows what the right thing to do is, that doesn't mean you will do it.

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well said fatfaso. I'm still talking with my ex and was considering cutting it now but couldn't do it. I always had an excuse, but I think I just hoped for getting-back-together. Reading your post made me realize that. As for if I'm gonna cut all the contacts now, I'm not sure. But I'm definitely one step close to NC.

 

Q10: So true. I think I can give it up now. But I'm afraid that I might regret that I gave up now. Actually, your comment is not entirely true. I'm not sure what the right thing to do is. I know what I'm expected to do, but I don't know if it is the right thing to do.

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