Now what do I do????

[redsuede]

Okay, so recap.. dumped again after 7 years, cheated on, and left with house payments, and our bills...

 

Yesterday I get this email saying that she is in the hole in her checking account 600 dollars. I told her that she gets paid that day, she said that is her balance after her paycheck. I felt bad because she needs to eat and get to work. But then I remembered not only did she leave me in a bad situation, she went out and bought 300 dollars worth of clothes, not caring what kind of situation she left me in.

 

She didnt ask me for money, she asked if our house funded yet. I am the one who has stuck around in our house and got it ready to sell, and I think I sold it, but it hasnt finalized yet. So she wondered if I knew when we were going to get the equity in it.

 

Then today, she calls me and says that she had a seizure last night (she has epilepsy), can I call in her prescription to a store near her.

 

She hasnt once asked for money, but we were together for 7 years.. Do I just turn away, or do I help her out????

[brando]

I can identify with you man, tough call. I know she left you in the jam, but maybe help her with the prscription and then after that cut her off. It shows you are the bigger person here. Even if she doesn't appreciate it you know in your heart you did a good thing for her.

 

I don't know, how do you feel about it ?

[AngelEyez]

I think you should help her out. You've been with her for 7 years, and although she hasn't been the nicest to you during the last days of the break up, it's always good to help a person out. If you have a little extra spending money, then maybe you should give it to her. It would show her that you are an incredibly nice guy, even after your past differences.

[DN]

Could you perhaps lend her the money out of her share of the profits from the house sale and deduct it when the sale is final and you get the money?

[redsuede]

Ok.. You guys are all saying do it. I guess I will do this.. I really really hate to see her in trouble, I do love her, but she has so much control over me. This is the first time I have ever had the guts to try to move on with my life. I really really hate this whole thing, but i have learned to have faith, let go.. relax and see what happens.. I will go and call her now. Thanks for the advice.

[heloladies21]

I know things are confusing for you, but I'm not exactly sure where the indecision is coming from here. She completely dumped on you dude, and I know exactly what the problem is that got you cheated on and disrespected in the first place.

 

It all has to do with the way you handled the relationship from the beginning (and just how you view women and people in general). You're one of those typical nice guys, so nice that you just take everyone's BS and keep the smiley "yes dear" face no matter what. So in that sense you have a fake personality and this is a big turn off for girls as they are looking for ginuine guys. That's why you see the so called "jerks" getting the girls, they're just not afraid to show how they feel , good or bad.

 

So take a hard look at yourself and decide if you've been really honest with everyone around you ie. willing to stick up for yourself, and if you can't say that you have, you need to do some real soul searching to find out who you really are before you decide to get into a relationship again.

 

In the meantime, you owe this girl nothing. Tell her to ask that other guy to help her out with her issues, and when she's ready to apologize, then she can give you a call.--click--

[Relationship Coach]

This woman has drained you in every sense of the word, as her ex you have no obligation to help her but as a human being go with DN's idea. Sooner or later you are going to have to cut her off 100%, she is using you because that's her pattern and until you break the pattern and say no, she's going to continue until the cows come home.

 

RC

[redsuede]

I didnt realize that I needed to hear these words once again.. Its like every day I need to be reminded to quit being such a doormat. Thanks for the constant reminders.. They do help.. The whole relationship thing really bites. I dont know If I will ever trust it again. I hate to admit it, but you guys are right.. I allow everything. I have really tried to change myself over this, and learn how to be "healthy". I am too old for all of this energy it takes to be so unhealthy..

[starling603]

I have been in the same situation...I was an enabler of bad behavior...It was hard to break the cycle..but once I did I was free...and felt better about myself...cut her off...

Heidi

[whoops]

help her with her meds then dont give her money unless you agree it will come out of the house price when sold - you gotta look after nos one and she didnt do that when you needed it and left you in a state.

 

Harsh i know but it has to be done these people cant abuse you all the time and rely on you when you gotta move on and look after yourself.

 

Selfish the attitude but your money is yours and you worked hard for it she spent it on things she didnt need and got herself in this position - you ar ot responsible for her finances only yours and the more pattern you give for giving her monies the worse it will be.