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What should I do??


izra
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OK..I'm very new to this site, it seems very interesting. I'd really appriciate it if someone can give me advice, I'm very confused and don't know whats right.

 

So my ex-girlfriend and I had been going out for a year till this past May-June when she told me she rather not be my girlfriend anymore. Fine, I felt it wasn't that bad since we had some jealousy issues on both side and it was affecting our daily lives. I still loved her, very much.

 

Some people said she left me for someone else, but I didn't care. I still loved her very much.

 

This whole time, we haven't gone out, but we have talked. Shes expressed to others feelings for me and today I decided to call her to see whats up. She sounded very confused at some of the questions I was asking her. I asked things like, "Tell me what you feel, and lets not play games." She said she still had feelings for me but was also confused. She expressed an interest in maybe going back out. I don't know.

 

On the other hand, I have been talking to another person, for about 2 months and she's very fun to be with. I enjoy her company. We are not boyfriend and girlfriend but she has feelings for me like that.

 

I don't know what I should do since I have feelings for both, doesn't make sense does it? Well, for my EX, I feel like I still love her and shes very important in my life. One side inside of my mind says, "Just go back, you love her so much...." The other says, "NOO..bad choice, MOVE ON, and pursue something new."

 

I don't know what to do. What do you guys think? I'm very confused.

 

Thanks so much in advance!!!!!

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Hi Izra welcome.

 

You both sound extra confused, u and ur ex.

 

You´re the only one that can come up with a solution, but I'll tell you what I think.

 

It seems like you would only get back to her because of nostalgia, for the good times and the nice memories you had. Maybe she WAS very important in your life and you feel safe with going back to the territory you already know.

 

But if you already went thru some issues and a part of you is telling you is a bad choice to go back to that, well don´t ignore it. Pay attention to it, try to find out where is the need of moving on coming from, I think that´s an important clue.

 

Take your time until you clear your thoughts and feelings, and keep being friends with the other girl if you guys have a good time, you don´t have to make up your mind like in a rush or something do you?

 

Take it easy and keep it honest!

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well, sometimes you break up and realize the breakup was a bad idea and you don't want to date anybody else, and sometimes you break up because the relationship is not working, yet still feel nostalgic about the good times while glossing over the bad times... memory can become quite foggy and misty eyed about realities, especially when you are alone or lonely.

 

is there a chance you can just date or befriend both women without a serious commitment? i think if you are attracted to a new woman after a breakup, then maybe there was a good reason for the breakup with your original girlfriend... there is nothing wrong with dating people without a big commitment as long as you are honest that you are exploring friendships, and don't intend to make a commitment lightly or before you think it is approriate...

 

i definitely wouldn't commit to the old girlfriend out of nostalgia for what might have been, only to break her (and your own) heart yet again... so maybe you shouldn't approach this as an 'either/or' situation, but try to befriend both until it becomes more clear what your emotions (and chance of relatioinship success) with both of them really are...

 

the answer to 'confusion' is not to make a renewed commitment to the old girlfriend or jump into a new relationship lightly, it is to gently explore both situations more until the confusion lifts and it becomes clearly which way you should go (or maybe neither way at all, if neither woman seems to be 100% the woman for you).

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Thank you guys so much. Thats what I was basically thinking, you know explore the friendships more and more and NOT rush things.

 

Maybe it is just nostalgia, you know. Maybe I miss those good memories and thats it. I don't know.

 

My old girlfriend started to come really close to me after a bad accident I had in August. But that doesn't mean anything, I don't think..I'm afraid to say I'm scared..but who knows..

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Well, as you´re still really confused and things are so very blurry like that, probably the wisest thing you can do for now, is not making any decision or commitment to any girl until you feel more confident and you are seeing things more clearly.

 

Try to define WHAT YOU WANT for your life, instead of just letting things and events to define your situation.

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