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ditched by my best friend...need advice!


cj2001
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Hi.

 

I hope you guys will put up with my first-time poster status! I just found this forum and think it is a great thing!

 

Anyway, last month my best friend (I am female and he is male) told me that he thought that I have completely changed over the past six months and we have grown incompatible. He and I were best friends for three years -- the kind of friends people spend a lifetime looking for and many never find. (Side note: if you look at what was going on in my life six months ago, I had just been disowned by my parents...way to stand by me, eh?) He is a nonconfrontational person and to get him to terminate a relationship would have required outside intervention: enter, his girlfriend.

 

She has been convinced since we became friends that he and I were trying to have some sort of an arrair. Mind you, I had zero interest for that course of action (not to mention the fact that I have been happily married for 7 years). I went out of my way to befriend her so she would see that this was nothing she had to worry about, but it didn't work.

 

So here are my problems:

 

1. I don't fault him for doing what his GF told him to do. Of course his decision has to reside with her. But I wish he would stop lying in the works and just call it for what it is, instead of this (is swearing legal on this site?) reason of me having changed. (Mind you, my husband does not think I have changed at all and thinks this is a ploy.)

 

2. I realize now, in retrospect and with a clear head, that there were many things in this relationship that made me unhappy and that there were many things he did that really made me angry. Some of our relationship was very unhealthy. I don't want that back. But if that is the case, why am I so sad/depressed/miserable even a month after things fell apart?!?

 

Anyway, thanks in advance for any help!

 

-cj

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First time poster...must be ignore...just kidding!

 

1. I think you SHOULD fault him for doing this to you....it's not a question of choosing his gf over you, his gf had no right whatsoever to blackmail him like that, and he's a total jerk in my eyes for dumping you like that.

 

2. It's normal to be depressed, sad etc. because he betrayed you...if your husband would have demanded you to break it off with him "or else" would you have? Would you get married to someone like that even?

 

I think you might as well forget about him and cut all contact...sounds like he was your "friend" for the good times only, he's not trustworthy at all after doing that....cases like this just make me angry..arggh!

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The problem is that he doesn't have a spine, and succumbs for the influences of his current girlfriend, who sees you as an immediate threat to the relationship, as such she is manouvering you out of her and his life.

 

The rest are just exuses, he's under the influence of her. That's all there's too it, 9/10 that if you fight it, he'll start hating you. You will just have to confront her with what's bothering you, telling her that you aren't a threat and aren't interested in him in that way, but that you are really hurted by the fact that he is being removed out of your life, in a time that you really needed his emotional support.

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1. I think you SHOULD fault him for doing this to you....it's not a question of choosing his gf over you, his gf had no right whatsoever to blackmail him like that, and he's a total jerk in my eyes for dumping you like that.

 

Absolutely he is a complete loser for demonstrating no spine with his gf. And you are right...this is not at all behavior that I would tolerate from my husband! Of course, I would have seen those tendancies in him while we were dating and would have gotten out of the relationship *before* marriage...unlike my former friend who knows he has probems with his relationship but is too afraid to be alone to deal with the consequences.

 

I do not want him back in my life as a friend. The guy who was my best friend a year ago is dead to me. He doesn't exist anymore and was co-murdered by the person who took his place as well as his psycho gf. I just really miss what we used to have and find myself very lonely for that relationship. But I know it can never be again and it makes me very sad.

 

Not that I think anyone has the answer to this, but how long to I have to go on feeling this sad and miserable over the loss of what was an incredible friendship???

 

-cj

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