can a guy lean too hard?

[nemo_lost]

Hi everyone,

I've known this girl now for about 3 months. We mainly email daily & talk on the phone couple times a week (for 2-3 hrs). Went out only once and it went great (we're a couple hours apart, NY/Conn). I plan on seeing her again within the next couple of weeks.

Anyway, last week my uncle, who was like a father to me, was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I went to FL to see him and it hit me really hard... in fact I lost it. Long story short, I found myself contacting this girl more than our usual frequency. I don't think I let my emotions pour out and definitely didn't cry or anything, but I did take up quite a bit of her time on the phone. She did say that if I needed someone to talk to I could do so with her.

My question for ladies out there is, after only a one date with a guy, would you feel flattered/useful, annoyed, or think less of the guy for coming to you for sympathy and comfort? I mean, is it too much? Does it depend on how much you like the guy and think you'd be a good match? FYI... I mailed her a small gift and just said thank you to her for listening. Thinking about that as if it were you, does that make me an ultra-wuss or is it a flattering jesture (she has talked about starting a small window garden, so I sent her a small book on cool ideas on doing that). I can still cancel the shipment!

Thanks!

[Lady Bugg]

Nemo..I think your gesture was extremely thoughtful and nice. Don't cancel the shipment. I am sure this girl does NOT think you're a wuss at all. You thinking of her with all you're going through says a lot about te type of person you are.....and you know...if she DOES think less off you for it..(which I seriously doubt)..then it is truly HER problem..not YOURS. I think she'll be touched that you remembered something about her that she liked. Let us know

[itsallgrand]

I agree. I would find the gesture very sweet and kind.

 

Sometimes life throws curve-balls. It sure isn't anyone's fault that your uncle found out he is ill a week ago - you could not control that this happened when you happened to be in the early stages of a relationship.

 

I would understand and expect a little upset from a man who recently found this news out. It's normal, and those emotions don't get shut off bc you are dating someone. I'd be happy to be able to be a part of it somehow and to know that the man felt good enough with me to share that sensitive information. This way, it can be taken into consideration and seeing each other has a real shot.

 

take care and let us know how it goes.

[nemo_lost]

So, it looks like I messed up. She has gotten the gift but i haven't heard from her in over a day and a half. With the frequency that we had been in touch, something is wrong. My guess is I've weirded her out but sending a gift. It felt right at the time, and it still kind of feels right now, but apparently it backfired. I feel like a moron. I know I can't call her or anything, that would be too much. I'm pretty confused about what to do next right about now.

[arwen]

Hey Nemo,

 

I don't think you messed up. It's not something you did wrong, you were in a very difficult place in your life, and she offered you a shoulder to lean on. So you did. And you thanked her by sending her a gift. If she took that the wrong way, she should explain that to you I think. For now, I think you can wait for a bit and then call her. Maybe it's best to find out what's wrong right away. I think the waiting part is far worse than a potential break up, if that is indeed what she wants. Just give her a bit of space. When did you last speak to her?

 

Ilse

[nemo_lost]

We spoke on the phone the night before she would have received the gift, for about four hours too! As usual the conversation was great, but I didn't mention anything about the gift of course because I thought it'd be a nice surprise.