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how to talk to BF


cichlid
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I talked about this in my journal so if you want more information you can go there.

 

But what do you tell a BF that is continuing to push you away with never really having that long of conversations...and is cutting down the amount of time they spend with you even more? I'm getting so sick of it.

 

I mean I tell him "we never really talk much anymore..." and he doesn't seem to care. For someone he supposedly cares about a lot, I don't seem to be that important. I know I posted something like this awhile back but I am having a hard time on deciding what to do.

 

...You also know there's a problem when your mom notices that you don't seem happy in your current relationship because of this issue.

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In my opinion, you need to talk whatever in your mind to your bf. Don't be afraid that he's going to be upset with you. You said he might not realize that he's pushing you away..you need to mention that to him as well that it's so bothering you how he acts toward you.

Tell him that you don't want to lose him but if the situation won't change, he can lose you.

 

Basically you need to communicate more with him.

I know you mentioned that you both don't do the communication as much anymore. But ask him if he can spend a few hours just to talk with you.

Hear what is in his mind, what bothers him and let him hear what yours.

 

Hope it helps.

 

-babybees

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If your parents are realising you're unhappy then it must be bad.

 

You're only young you should be going out and enjoying yourself instead of having problems like this. If he's not communicating very much now and you don't fix it, it'll only get worse.

 

What is he filling his time with when he's away from you?

 

You've got to talk to him about it. If he doesn't suggest any changes or you can't see any happening then I my advise is to break up with him.

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He doesn't care...even your mom notices...so dump him. Then he'll realise what he's lost.

 

But don't even think about taking him back!

 

I agee with this.

 

Have ya ever noticed that talking about an issue seems to have little effect on men? I'm not saying always but in these cases.

 

They do understand getting hit in the head with a clue by four when you either become very busy or you break up with them.

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From what it sounds like in your journal, he needs to be focused on getting good grades and that is what his main priority, not you. You can't ever expect to be someone's top priority. I know that even if I REALLY like a guy, my grades are still more important.

 

I think he's trying to tell you indirectly he doesn't want to be with you any more and is too wimpy to just break up with you.

 

Or he may still love you, and just is a little busy right now.

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What is he filling his time with when he's away from you?

Friends...video games...video games...internet...a little bit of studying. Did I mention video games?

 

He doesn't care...even your mom notices...so dump him. Then he'll realise what he's lost.

 

But don't even think about taking him back!

...It's not like this is a new relationship...I've dated this guy since August 2005 and known him since like March 2005.

 

From what it sounds like in your journal, he needs to be focused on getting good grades and that is what his main priority, not you. You can't ever expect to be someone's top priority. I know that even if I REALLY like a guy, my grades are still more important.

 

I think he's trying to tell you indirectly he doesn't want to be with you any more and is too wimpy to just break up with you.

 

Or he may still love you, and just is a little busy right now.

 

But the thing that bothers me is that he doesn't really study all that much. He says he studies but I will log on to Trillian and see he is active on AIM and well...this is random times and he just doesn't do as he says he is. Part of the reason I am upset at him is that he doesn't seem to think I know that he lies to me about what he does.

 

I'm really lost because he will go on and on about how much he loves me randomly, but when it comes down to actually showing he cares...he barely talks to me, we don't hang out that much because he is always "busy" with friends and all sorts of activities that he volunteers for...but he it takes a lot for him to plan a date with me...

 

But then again he is always joking around saying he wants to break up with me...like all the time I do something jokingly to irritate him. He will pretend to act POed and say "I think we should break up..." then about 30 seconds go by and he will tell me he is joking.

 

I really don't get his mixed signals he is sending me.

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How do you break up with someone out of nowhere when he thinks all is going fine even though to everyone but him, there is a problem?

 

I mean there is communication problems. He tells me I need to open up but everytime I do, I am shot down by his judgemental views.

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If he is continually diminishing his time for you, and taking you for granted, and not communicating with you about the reasons why he has less time or needs more time - well, honestly it's a sign he is either taking you for granted or he has "checked out" in some way. In either case, it is a lack of respect on his part if he won't discuss your concerns.

 

Or, it could also be he does not really know what you are looking for from him...you can't really make someone talk more if they don't know what you are really looking for.

 

Instead of saying "we never really talk much anymore" how about voicing it in a way that puts how it makes you feel into it "we don't seem to have as many conversations anymore, and I feel distant"

 

It also should be noted that relationships also do fluctuate, and "talking in long conversations" after you know each other pretty well can be more infrequent, or it's more about general intimacy together, not just talking lots...

 

We are all busy...most of my days involve getting up at 5 for training, going to class from 8-4, going to work until 10:30, then doing reading for another 2-3 hours...I STILL find time for my partner to talk, and just spend time together...not as much as I would like, but we always make our relationship a priority (and yes, I miss a lot of sleep many days which is another thing I need to figure out!). It is a change for us both as until recently I was working full time and had more free time, but we work with it how we can....so I never believe that "too busy" excuse.

 

It could be many things, not necessarily the worst case scenario, but honestly if your mom is noticing it (those close to us often see what we can't, or do not want to) and he is cutting his time down for you more and more....well, just don't let yourself be a sideline in someone's life story...you know?

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