How can I accept this change?

[jjgoldenpro]

I've been through a long distance relationship and I've just gotten out of it a short while ago. it was fine at the beginning and everything but then we started relying on each other to much and he started to become very controlling. I was relieved when it was over.

 

I think this was from talking everyday, for about 2-3 hours a day. it was great sometimes when I had nothing else to do but It really became annoying when he would want to talk even when I was trying to sleep or wanted some alone time.

 

Now I have met a guy that I am deeply interested in but there is one thing. He lives a 3 day driving distance away from me. This time we do not talk everyday. In fact we only talk about once a week or less. This can get very depressing at times when I feel that I have to tell him something or when I really need to know how he feels about something.

 

I'm used to talking to a guy everyday and now it's very rare. I don't know how to adjust to that. Is there any thing I could do that might help? I don't mind that he is busy or is looking for some space but I need to get used to it and accept it. How can I do this without feeling like he's deserting me?

[laboheme]

This guy that you're interested in...are you together? If not, keep reminding yourself that he's not your boyfriend and that you can't expect to contact each other as often as a real couple would. Tell that to yourself over and over...

 

Did this guy specifically tell you that he is looking for space? If not, what's the harm in calling him a little sooner than he'd expect, especially if you have to tell him something? I'm not saying call every day...but it might not freak him out all that much if you call twice a week instead of just once.

[jjgoldenpro]

We are not together yet no. I've been wanting to hold off on that because I broke up with my ex about 2 months ago only. I don't want to seem like I hop from guy to guy with no feelings about it. He told me he wants more but he's willing to wait. but yes, I tell myself alot that we are not a real couple yet and that helps alot.

 

He did not say he was looking for space but I feel since he needs to keep up his marks for school and he has alot of hobbies and meetings etc that he doesn't need the distraction more then once in a while.

 

One reason that we don't talk more is probably because he does not have service with his cell at his house. So he can only call me from the home phone and I can only call his home phone. we don't want our parents to freak out about that fact quite yet so I cannot call him very often.

 

I write him emails about 3 or 4 times a week but I hardly ever get a reply from him so this also kinda says how he doesn't have much time. He told me that sometimes the days go so fast he just can't believe it's been so long since we talked.

 

I know he has feelings for me but is it normal for a guy to not call so much? I've heard alot of girl complain about it before. I guess maybe I should be happy that he does call me instead of forgeting until I call him.

[laboheme]

You should definitely be happy that he actually calls you! And he told you he wants more? I'd say that's a good thing...

 

As for the emails...well, I have yet to meet a guy who's actually good at that form of communication. Have you tried talking over IM? It can be convenient because it's not as distracting as the phone, but more conducive to a conversation than email.

 

I think your reasoning here is good...Not wanting to make him feel like a rebound guy, recognizing that he has a busy life, respecting his family...All good!

 

Have you met this guy in person?

[Tigris]

He sounds like a very busy person to me too.

 

Instead of waiting around hoping he's going to get in touch with you more I suggest you find a hobby, or a course , or some friends to go out with to fill your time in that way it won't seem so long.

 

I'm in an LDR too. My fiancee lives in Australia and I live in England. I talk to her every night, but the problem is when she gets out of bed I should be asleep. The other problem we have is she suffers from Bipolar Disorder so that depends on how much time we talk. If she's in a low I'm lucky if she answers the phone. I try to fill my time in by talking to my friends online or reading.

 

During the day I can't visit my friends that live in the same county because they aren't on bus routes and I don't have a car. My family don't live close by either. I live alone and so does she.

 

If you've got stuff you want to tell him write it down and tell him when he phones you.

[jjgoldenpro]

Okay, thanks for your help on the email thing. I guess I can't expect much from that place then.

 

Yes I have met this guy...that's how I started liking him. He was in canada for a holiday. We hit it off from the first minute.

 

I do take extra courses and I have way to many hobbies. I usually am working on them but I still think about him at the same time. So I don't really wait around for him to call me. I would be alot worse then this then.

 

Well I heard his grandma just passed away and he had to go to her funeral and that took a couple days. so I understand why he didn't talk then. and when he doesn't talk he tells me what's up if he was supposed to call.

 

I've been thinking that maybe I should tell him I'm ready to have more with him now. I really wouldn't mind it.

[Tigris]

I would give him time to grieve for his grandmother before you ask him about making things more serious between the two of you.