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Something I forget to mention long back


yeawutever
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Well as far as my ex (the one I only dated for 7 days) I dumped way back in May 2, there is something I forget to mention.

 

Yes, there was a this short kiss with my friend's guy friend two days before calling him again and officially dumping him.

 

Ok, on my early post I stated I dumped him b/c of bad information I found out about him. I forgot to say that there was no actual connection and no sort of emotions/feelings, it was only physical attraction for him, that was all.

 

And well, I figure that even if I had not dump him, the kiss would have still happen. It was sorta like a curiosity, the guy made the move and so I went for it and well in my mind I was "Yea wutever".

 

With my current b/f, there is emotions/likes, more than just physical attraction.

 

Only I have no quilt whatsoever for that event and wouldn't have had any quilt if the second option would have occurred (If I had not planned to dump him and still had that short french kiss, one time thing though, in that moment). So is that bad??? Or I'm I suppost to be feeling terrible b/c I don't. Right now I'm happy with my work, college and current b/f, and have no quilt at all for the ex.

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I haven't read your past posts, but if this is all in your past, then why not let it remain in your past? Focus on the good things that you have going for yourself. Take the lessons you've learned and move on. I don't see what sort of positive things would come from worrying about a relationship that occurred many months ago.

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Maybe focus on why you did what you did and whether if you had to do it all over again you would have kissed someone while dating someone else and under what circumstances you would feel that that was justified.

 

Thing is I'm not even thinking about it, I'm not the slightest bit concern about it. Now I'm just focus on the present, my studies, me becoming a psychologist, my work and I'm happy with my current b/f (the new one).

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Thing is I'm not even thinking about it, I'm not the slightest bit concern about it. Now I'm just focus on the present, my studies, me becoming a psychologist, my work and I'm happy with my current b/f (the new one).

 

OK - whatever works for you. If you're not thinking about it, it is likely to happen again.

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I haven't read your past posts, but if this is all in your past, then why not let it remain in your past? Focus on the good things that you have going for yourself. Take the lessons you've learned and move on. I don't see what sort of positive things would come from worrying about a relationship that occurred many months ago.

 

 

This was the previous post. I'm not worrying about it, I did not feel anything when it happened.

Reason I wrote about it now was b/c I was just wondering if it's bad not to feel anything about it. Or maybe I'm a bit overanalyzing it..

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OK - whatever works for you. If you're not thinking about it, it is likely to happen again.

 

Nope, b/c I know what it's like being in a relation. Back then it was my first time I was asked out, that got me by surprise and I had only accepted him as b/f to see how it felt having a b/f.

 

Also, there was no boundaries established, not much communication, he would hardly even talk. Now there are boundaries.

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Nope, b/c I know what it's like being in a relation. Back then it was my first time I was asked out, that got me by surprise and I had only accepted him as b/f to see how it felt having a b/f.

 

Also, there was no boundaries established, not much communication, he would hardly even talk. Now there are boundaries.

 

OK I see - would you be ok with someone accepting you as a girlfriend only to see what it felt like to have a girlfriend and still fool around with other people on the side? Did you tell your boyfriend at the time that you were just trying on "boyfriend" for size? If not, why not?

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OK I see - would you be ok with someone accepting you as a girlfriend only to see what it felt like to have a girlfriend and still fool around with other people on the side? Did you tell your boyfriend at the time that you were just trying on "boyfriend" for size? If not, why not?

 

That's a good point, never thought about that. Nope, I would not enjoy being made a fool. As for the second question, nope I did not told him about it. Why didn't I told him?? I don't really know, the only reason I could think of is cuz I was more quiet/shy at the time and had not much to say, I did not know what a relation was like.

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That's a good point, never thought about that. Nope, I would not enjoy being made a fool. As for the second question, nope I did not told him about it. Why didn't I told him?? I don't really know, the only reason I could think of is cuz I was more quiet/shy at the time and had not much to say, I did not know what a relation was like.

 

Is it possible you did not tell him because it served your own interest in getting to see what a boyfriend was like which he wouldn't have agreed to had he known the truth? How would you feel if someone gave you the excuse of "I did not know what a relationship was like, so you can't blame me for being dishonest with you about my intentions?"

 

Look, it's much easier to think of ourselves as selfless, thoughtful, compassionate people but it's better in the long run to take a step back and consider whether you did something - or didn't do something - for your own self-interest even where it was at the expense of someone else's needs or even when it involved you being dishonest or not trustworthy. Once you see that you can be motivated by self-interest, selfishness or that you can be self-absorbed (as we all can be) you can then consider whether you want to change that and you have the opportuntiy to grow.

 

It sounds to me like you're doing a lot of rationalizing here and justifying behavior of your own that you wouldn't put up with if someone else did it as you just said above. I am not saying to beat yourself up - that is unproductive - but to take a clear and hard look at the things you do and why you do them and decide whether you need to change. That attitude has resulted in growth and self-awareness for me over the years and continues to help me improve myself all the time. Maybe that will work for you.

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