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advice on shyness and advancing relationship...


idontakre6203
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hey everyone, it's been awhile since i've posted here, i'll try to be brief, but PLEASE bare with me if i rattle on (apologies in advance)...

 

Well... I met this absolutely breath-taking girl while working at my mom's shop, she came in everytime I was working and was very shy... i finally got her to open up to me just recently and we talked for an hour, it seemed as if she'd say anything to keep the conversation going, smiled a lot but i couldn't read her very well...

 

*She had just moved here recently so she doesn't know too many people*

 

before I could even ask for her number (because we had talked so much it was time for me to close up) she said let me give you my number and call me sometime... well i waited a day and made plans for this saturday at the beach...

 

i'm having so much trouble reading this girl that it's driven me to the point of insanity (not really, but i'm borderline haha) The problem is we have sooo much in common that it is absolutely ridiculous, and I would HATE to lose the opportunity of sharing a relationship with her... So my questions are as follows... Since I can't read her (just yet) should I take things slowly with her and risk the chance of becoming just another friend?... do you guys suppose she's just interested in meeting new people? How should I subtley let her know that i'm interested without scaring her? I suppose these questions really inflict a response that becomes more of a morale booster rather than answers... any opinions, thoughts or ideas are GREATLY appreciated, Thank you so much for your time!

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First of all, take it slow. She is interested, and so are you, don't be in a rush. I find that the relationships that heat up fast also burn out.

 

Second, to let her know that you do want her, look at her. Look at her, once in a while, with a lustful eye. She's a woman, if she wants you, she also wants you to want her body. Not just her body, you should want more than that, but you should show desire for it, once in a while. If you hide all desire for it, you neuter yourself.

 

Third, be aloof. We got for the people that meet our emotional needs and wants, make us feel special, etc., while they remain aloof and independent from us, not needy, clingy or desparate to get our attention and/or affection.

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What are you trying to read? QUIT READING!!!! You are not doing yourself any favors by shuffling your feet and second guessing yourself. Your job is not to "read her" or guess what she is thinking. Your job, as a confident attractive guy, is to simply move the relationship forward. Guys don't stop and ask for directions every five minutes do we? We keep driving until we find our destination. That's because we are confident that we will get there. If we stopped and asked around every five minutes for directions then we show everyone just how much little faith we have in ourselves, don't we?

 

You've got a date to the beach. Is it a date? Did you guys set up a "date" or is it simply a hanging out as friends thing? We need to get off the "friend path" ASAP and you don't do it by stopping and asking her for directions. You simply DRIVE.

 

You asked how you can subtly let her know you are interested? You don't subtle anything. Subtle is no confidence. A confident guy simply does it and lets the cards fall where they may. Here's how you do it:

 

You go on this "friend date" with her saturday and you have fun. FLIRT with her, TEASE her, MAKE FUN of her, but do it in a joking and confident way. Make it fun! Don't apologize if you tease her (but don't be mean either), just do things in a flirty and fun way. Have a blast. Your goal is to have fun for YOU. If she likes you then she will have fun being around you when you're having fun.

By the end of the "friend date" tell her that you had a good time and would like to take her out to dinner, or to the park for a picnic (depending on the weather in your area). Give her a specific time and place.

 

"How does Tuesday at Rick's Diner at 7:00 sound Jen? I'll make reservations. Dress nice because I don't want people thinking I am feeding a homeless person!"

 

See what you would be doing? You're not stopping and asking for directions, you are taking the lead and showing her that you like her through your ACTIONS. You didn't get all dramatic and boring by saying, "Jen, I like you so much! You are like, the coolest!" -which would be a huge turnoff. You are letting her know that you are viewing your interaction with her as a potential relationship, and you did it without breaking a sweat or getting boring and dramatic. You simply LED, you DROVE the relationship to your destination without stopping and asking around. That's attractive, that's confidence.

 

Do it this way, and you will find out how she feels about you. If she rejects your date offer and comes up with an excuse, have a counter date & time in mind. If she won't commit to that or cancels on you, then tell her you understand and that maybe you'll see her around sometime. Then move on. If she talks to you or calls you after that, be polite, but don't become best buddies with her because she's already shown that she is not interested. If SHE tries at a later time to set up a date, in a joking (but serious) manner, tell her that sounds okay but this is her last chance. And mean it.

 

That's all it really takes to get into a relationship. You follow this you will eventually find someone, and you won't spend countless hours wondering if she likes you, what you should do, etc. Just do it.

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I agree with some of the things DiggityDogg wrote, but I think a man who know where he is going has often looked at a map. I think a man who know what to do with a woman, has often figured out a few things, and I know DiggityDogg has done so.

 

I also think there is one thing any man out with a woman should be reading: her body langauge, which will tell you much about what she thinks about you.

 

I also like much of what DiggityDoog wrote in his thread that is in his signature. It's not bad, but you can learn things elsewhere too. It's in a sense, a map like I referred to above. No one map is the sole guide. But you should look at as many as you can find.

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I agree with some of the things DiggityDogg wrote, but I think a man who know where he is going has often looked at a map. I think a man who know what to do with a woman, has often figured out a few things, and I know DiggityDogg has done so.

 

Agreed, and that was the point of giving him the advice. I was trying to build a map for him. If he follows the directions then he will get where he needs to be.

 

I also think there is one thing any man out with a woman should be reading: her body langauge, which will tell you much about what she thinks about you.

 

This isn't completely something I agree with, and I'll tell you why. Men who are confident and have experience in dating could easily read a woman's body language with success. However with inexperienced guys, heck you see it on here all of the time, they have no clue on how to appropriately read a woman's body language. Just about everything I read on the forums is guys thinking that a girl likes him because she plays with her hair, smiles at him, flirts, teases, etc and those simply aren't good signs for inexperienced guys to try to be reading. It is far easier reading a woman's ACTION or REACTION. For example:

 

If you ask Jen out on a date and she says yes, but then comes up with an excuse to cancel over the phone later... this is a negative reaction. She is cancelling on you. A girl who has a high interest level isn't going to cancel on you easily, and if she does, she's likey to try to reschedule. If she doesn't then her actions tell you that she's not interested.

Of course there could be some real legit reason behind it so it wouldn't be quite time to tuck tail and run just yet, but it is the actions that need to be read.

 

If a guy asks Jen out, she says yes, she shows up on time looking her best, then kisses you at the end of the night, THAT is a good reaction to your setting up of the date. Girls who aren't interested don't usually do this.

 

Most body language is harder to read and thus shouldn't be given too much thought by guys with no experience in reading it. A girl who jokes with you, talks to you, smiles at you, flips her hair, appears nervous around you, etc... those could mean a MILLION things and aren't reliable body language. Many girls do these things to guys they have NO INTEREST in. You read about it every day on these forums... guys whjo are convinced the girl is interested only to find out that she wasn't.

 

Too many guys sit in limbo confused and uncertain about what her body language, hair twirling, etc means, and a lot of it is rightfully confusing. I seen and experienced women who would get touchy feeling, lean in close, rub against you, make sure her legs touch yours under the table, but when it came down to dating, the answer was no. I don't want guys dwelling on this kind of behavior. They only confuse themselves.

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Unless a woman comes up to you and says, "I want you" or words to that affect you will never know.

 

Women that have body langauge that appears to be inviting are those who we should be making moves on. Nothing is a sure thing, but good signals indicate better chances.

 

When I say pay attention to body langauge, I should and often do say: read up on it,learn it, watch some people to learn more. Just watching without studying what it might mean is useless. So idontakre6203 and any other wondering guy out there should read up on it.

 

But in the end, A GUY NEEDS TO MAKE A MOVE. He needs to ask her out, grab her hand, grab onto the lapel of her jacket and kiss her or do something. As DiggityDoggseems to advocate, the guy, A MAN, needs to have a set and BUST A MOVE. And if she is not receptive, just look for the NEXT woman to come along.

 

You will probably fail with a woman more than once, you will probably be rejected. I was numerous times. But I have figured it out so far with one, and I've been with her for a couple years. DiggityDogg, you seem to have had some success, as I have,, and we both seem to be doing one thing: trying to tell other guys, men, how to get some sucess of their own. Gentlemen, we are not always going to agree on all of the fine points, and I would be we operated in different ways. However, we both thought about what we were doing, we both tried to learn, and we both busted a move.

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Beec, I am not saying Body Language isn't readible, you're right, it is. I think I have a firm grasp on how to read it well. My point was merely that a guy who has no idea on how to read body language is going to be confused when he tries. That is why I suggest taking the initiative to make your move, and don't stop and ask around. If she is interested, it will work, if she isn't interested, you'll find out by her willingness (or lack thereof) to go on dates, make out, etc. I'm trying to make it as simple to read as possible to the newbies. Really reading body language (since most of it can be contradictory) is a bit more difficult to do. Once you learn it-which usually comes from a lot of practice and experience with dating-then it is a great tool. I've seen nothing on these forums from the struggling nice guys but butchered attempts to "read her".

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I think my disagreement with you is that between now and his "date" he should try to learn bit. In the end, when he goes with her, he needs to make the move. However, if he is not trying to learn it now, then he is delaying the start of his learning it.

 

Between then and now, that's one thing I think he should be doing.

 

He's just beginning to look at the maps. In my view, that is one of the important parts of the map or learning how to read the map. Reading it is more than anything else the way to learn where you are located on the map. Body langauge is the road signs. If he screws it up, he screws it up. I have, I bet you have, but he should be looking for the road signs, so he knows that spot when he comes to it again.

 

But, he needs to bust a move before the end of his time with her. There are few worse things he could do than hesitate.

 

I also would say that the best thing he could get from reading our disagreement is to see where we agree, which I know we do about a lot, and realize that not all guys will follow the same exact directions to get to the same place with a woman.

 

The ones who don't try, the guys who sit and wonder if she likes him for too long, don't get anywhere. I've been there and done that.

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I think my disagreement with you is that between now and his "date" he should try to learn bit. In the end, when he goes with her, he needs to make the move. However, if he is not trying to learn it now, then he is delaying the start of his learning it.

 

Perhaps you could explain a little more for me because I am not seeing a disagreement here.

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