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I am completely wrong????


devillman
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Hopefully I can paint the picture of what is going on here.. I am in love with a women I will call P. I have been involved with her for roughly two years. Everything is GREAT.. I have a friend J (also female) that I have known for years. Now i havent seen this person since i stated seeing P. About 6-7 months ago i stopped at the salon J works at to get a hair cut... nothing more. She didnt have an opening. We had small talk for about 5 minutes then i left. Also take note, there is NOTHING between J and I. I merely stopped for a hair cut. Well P had her hair done today at the same Salon. When P returned from the salon she asked me why I didnt tell her that I stopped at the salon. I Told her I stopped there to get a hair cut.. didnt end up getting one... I wasnt purposely holding anything from her. So Now P is telling me that she doesnt know if she can trust me... WHAT THE H*LL.. now i feel like crap for something that I didnt know was doing wrong. I am torn up right now because I LOVE P like i have never loved someone before and I would hate something like this to become a huge issue.. did i do anything wrong?

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Welcome to eNotAlone.

 

She is over-reacting. Turn the tables on her.

 

Tell her that you are hurt that she feels she cannot trust you because of a few minutes talking to an old friend and that if she reacts like that she is putting your relationship in jeopardy because you would have difficulty being with someone who doesn't trust you.

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I would ask her why she is jealous and why she is reacting like she is. Could be a lot of reasons...just make sure you find out what they are and nip this thing in the bud before it grows into weeds that suffocate the relationship.

 

Better to have it out now than be out later.

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As Frisco AND Barney Fife stated...you got to "nip it in the bud".

 

Really though, I have seen partners worry about things like this and it kills me. Who cares if you were to just happen to see her/him, is what I always say. She should be happy that you didn't stop in there about 4 or 5 times.

 

If it truly is innocent, then tell your girl. Also, let her know how much you care about HER.

 

My ex blew a kiss at a friend, while I was right there AND she would comment (over the top) on how a male friend looked (while we were both right there).

 

At least you aren't doing that. ;-)

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Thank you for the reassurance that I was not wrong. I do believe that she is over reacting. I think that becuase I have never felt before what I feel for her I am a little afraid of something going wrong. I will bring this up to her and see what she says. Even though I feel what i feel for her I do not think its worth the hassle of being under a microscope everytime I am not with her.

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Thank you for the reassurance that I was not wrong. I do believe that she is over reacting. I think that becuase I have never felt before what I feel for her I am a little afraid of something going wrong. I will bring this up to her and see what she says. Even though I feel what i feel for her I do not think its worth the hassle of being under a microscope everytime I am not with her.

 

Good points dude. I believe there is a deeper issue here and that is what should be addressed. This salon incident in-and-of itself is not a big deal, on its own meaningless really, but when I look back to past relationships I've had that have ended, I see many times it is a collection of those little things which I missed which conglomerated, indicated a bigger and deeper issue, but at that point when I saw this, things were too far gone, her mind and heart made up, and then came my friend the end.

 

Don't be afraid to express your feelings either. Opening up to her might make it easier for her to do so as well.

 

On the flip side, keep an eye on the microscope too. That's no way to live. Those things belong in labs not in relationships...

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Well i Just spoke with her and i did tlak to her about all off this. I dont think there was a way around it nor would i want to. She told me that even though it was something minor that she wants me to tell her things like that even though she knows she wouldnt like it at the time she would know that she can trust everythign i tell her. I know that she has had passed realtionships that werent good. So i guess i am left having to PROVE that i can be trusted. Opposed to her trusting me from the get go.... Sometimes it seems like it would be easier to be lonely than out live other peoples behavior

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Good job man!

 

You don't have to necessarily prove anything to her as you have to be cognizant of her past and her issues and keep these in mind in the future when in situations like this. The trust should follow from this...

 

If it does turn into an issue of you feeling you have to constantly prove yourself...well...let's worry about that later...

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I am very happy i found this forum.. its helping alot. even with something as minor(which could be major later)

 

During our conversation it was mentioned that she, based on what someone elses impression of my friend and my friendship was/is, that she feels that there used be something going on.. and that made her nervous. Understandably so. I guess the only thing i can do is be truthful as i have been, with the exception of failing to mention the hair cut visit. Thanks for your help everyone!!!

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update.. we talked again. and she told me that she had dinner with a male friend of hers this evening. BUT she told me so that makes it ok.... I really am confused.. or stupid one of the two if not both!!!!! So its ok to do that as long as i am told about it??????????????????????????

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In situations like this, acceptance comes from detachment...your personal detachment from the issue. You know she has a past which is the driving force behind her behavior. Know that and believe that it isn't you! This is her issue and you are there as a good boyfriend to assist in what ways you can, namely with understanding and patience.

 

You didn't do anything wrong, you are not her last boyfriend, hold onto that, believe it, and in time she will as well.

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update.. we talked again. and she told me that she had dinner with a male friend of hers this evening. BUT she told me so that makes it ok.... I really am confused.. or stupid one of the two if not both!!!!! So its ok to do that as long as i am told about it??????????????????????????

 

This is a case of either one of two things:

 

1) She's jerking you around trying to "get back" at you for reasons I can't explain, or,

 

2) You're getting caught up in her issues! Nothing maybe going on but now that she expressed her issue to you, you are now paranoid about such situations...

 

So what do you think? Who is this guy? What is their history together?

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This guy is someone that we both she used to work with... she had gone to lunch with him in the passed and i was never paranoid. I dont think that it is a problem or something i have to worry about, but i do find it funny that right after we left each other tonight she goes and has dinner. probably something to make me upset. I am not even going to bring it up. I dont want to add anymore drama on top of the one that seems to have spiralled. I think now that we have talked and it is out in the open i am going to let things happen the way they will naturally happen. I will talk about what is underlying issue is though...

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Sounds like you are in a good place with this devillman. You should tell her you think it is a little strange that she bring this up right after you left each other. Ask her what is really going on there and do your best to figure out her answer to you in terms of what she says and how she says it. You don't have to be dramatic about it, your intention here is to make the relationship better.

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Its not that i want to hang out with this girl i know.. all i did was stop for a hair cut!! LOL. I didnt even bring up about her going to dinner last night. She was a little quiet today but not like i thought she would be. So well see how things progress over something as innocent as trying to get my hair cut LOL.. thanks for your help everyone

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Well here is a sad update.. I think i know why i was getting the finger pointed at me. Well it appears there have been numerous times that P and i have been together and she would get a text message.. or call.. she would never answer it. Well i had to look, but I looked at her phone records. she has been talking to this guy that she goes to lunch with every now and then all along. even on the night i took her out for our aniversary.. I remember the date and time she received the texts.. she told me that it was her sister.. i am done. I am going to ask her what she did today.. i am not beating around the bush on this.. i have been made to feel like * * * * becuase she has been trying to hide what she has been doing.. i left a marriage becuase of this being done to me before and now this.. i dont think i can ever trust women again.. i am seriously heart broken

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That sucks, I'm sorry to hear that. Whenever someone has trust issues it can only be one of two things, it's either insecurity or a knowledge that the person knows themselves not to be trustworthy. On the positive side, you're lucky that you discovered this now instead of later. Hang in there, you will find someone far more deserving in due time.

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