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Can't take anymore. . . help!!


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Yesterday I decided not to come on this site anymore. I was feeling better about everything and thought if I kept harping on everything and re-hashing it that it was never going to end. I woke up this morning MISERABLE. . .I broke no contact today and sent a dumb email that I know I won't get a response to. Seriously, how long does it take to get over someone. It has been almost 2 months and I haven't even begun to get on with my life. As soon as I start feeling better . . it is like I get punched in the face and lose all my intelligence. There is absolutely no reason for me to feel like this. . . How far down do you have to fall before you hit rock bottom and just QUIT felling like this and move on???!!!!! I really can't take it anymore. I have doen everything by the books the way that I am/was supposed to . . Then I just completely fall apart. I am disgusted by my consumed thoughts of him and this relationship!!!!!!! I am not having fun with my life anymore. I cannot even concentrate on work and it has been a long a time!!! I need help!!!](*,) ANY SUGGESTIONS????

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Can you write a book/journal of thoughts and feelings when the urge comes to contact your ex?

 

Make each entry like it was the actual text/email/phone call that you would liked to have said/done.

 

You can get your feelings out without breaking no contact.

At a later date you can read over your book and you will be very relieved that you didnt tell them these feelings.

And you will look back and feel strength and empowerment - as you will realise how far you have come.

 

In time you will heal, and you will find somebody better...more gorgeous and more perfect for you.

 

Just keep your chin up and keep marching on...the days will get better and before you know it you will feel whole again.

 

Bams x.x

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We have all felt this way about a break up. The best answere is that there is no set amount of time to get over "it". One day you will get up and tell yourself today is a new day and I am a new person. When ever you think about "him" there will always be a small tinge of pain. It will not go away fast it may take years. I had a BF when I was 16, I was in love!!!! We broke up after 2 years. It took me 4 years from break up to get over over him. Let yourself fall apart, let yourself wallow in your misery, one day you will have enough and get over it. Get angry, yell scream, do it all, whatever it takes to make you feel better. Dont do anything that you will regret. Breakups are hard. Life is hard, but love is even harder.

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*hugs*

 

There's no set time for getting over somebody...Some people snap back in weeks, for some it takes years.

 

Have you gotten rid of everything that reminds you of him? If not, have a cleansing ritual, those can help. When you're tempted to write an email, don't hit the send button, or make a typo in the address, or better yet, write it here first...knowing that somebody can see it gives you some satisfaction, but you won't be hurting yourself further by expecting a response from him.

 

And I know it's hard, but try to keep yourself busy. Getting something done when you're in a rut can give you an incredible sense of accomplishment. Make a daily list of things to do -- some that you have to do (work) and some fun ones. Take pride in checking them off, and treat yourself to something nice...Don't give up...you know what they say about smiling when you're down and actually feeling happier...Do that!

 

Yes, it may take a long time...but you will get better!

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there is one thing you must realise, you are doing this to yourself, the moment you exsept that fact you can start to move on, aways remember you rule your own mind you have all the power there no one out side can make you feel what your feeling only you let your self feel.

 

So when you feel down ask why? am i doing this to myself, its over, done with, gone, the past is a fixed place no power in the world can change one moment of it so let it go,

 

you have the here and now and the moments of your life, each moment you can fill with pain if you wish but it will change but nort.

 

Or you can stand and say thats it, no more I have a life to be lived and ill be dammed if I let her/him make me do this to myself.

 

So whats it going to be more beating your self up or are you going to face whats ahead and let the past stay in the past?

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I really do try to have a positive outlook on everything. Since we have broken up I have gone to a counselor once a week. I joined a gym and go three days a week (once to yoga for relaxation), I have gone on trips with my friends, I have gone out on dates - they make me even more miserable. I have done no contact, I had a "burning party" with my friends and we had a bonfire and burned every single last thing that I had of his. Cards, clothes every reminder of him. Is there something that I am missing? I have seriously had it. I am so fed up. I am so angry at myself for spending so much time with someone who could throw me away like he did and now I am 29 years old, single and feel like I am going absolutely nowhere. I hang out with my friends and they tell me all of the time what a loser he was and how I waste my time. I KNOW this!!!!!! I cannot stop feeling miserable. I think after 2 months and "following the rules" of a break up that I would be feeling much better than I am. I want to meet someone else and get married eventually have a family. I cannot even fathom being with someone else right now and I don't want to waste any more of my time on this horrible relationship. I can agree with the fact that I am allowing this to a point. I am not sure if anyone else agrees with me or not but not everything in life is mind over matter. I can tell myself all day long that I am better, stronger, deserve better. . . blah blah blah. . that works for a day or two and then I am miserable again. I feel that I have hit the bottom of the well. . . then I just keep falling. 4 years of my life have just been thrown away. . . my future has been destroyed. I don't know what to do

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I know exactly how you feel with all of this. We are allowing this to some extent, but it is so hard to convince yourself that your life is just not going to be the way that you were planning for it to be. I wish I could give you more advice, you are doing what you should be, just keep doing it. I know how bad it sucks, and I haven't even been following the "rules" like you have. Just give it the time it needs to get out of your system.

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sunshine13, if you read you last post you will see that the past still has a hold on your here and now,

 

You are right thats some times feelings of greaf, loss and more to the point loss of the dream of a futuer to geather.

 

The whats should have been but now is gone, I dont know if my words help I really dont but I know that feeling the loss for yesterday's tomorrow

is one of the things every one gos throw when a close realtionship ends.

 

All I can say is there was a girl befor the man, she had dreams and hope befor him, thows dreams are still true.

 

The one thing I do know is that once you know that you are incontroll of your feelings then you can say,

 

I will give myself time to greave to feel the loss, but it will be a fixed time and once that time is passed I will stop.

 

many he have lossed do this and it dos help.

 

I wish I could wave a wond and and take this pain away but in the end it will come down to you doing that, I and to many here have been throw this pain, for me I beat myself for years over the loss of my true love.

 

years later I looked around and siad why, why did I do this I wasted 3 years on then but then I wasted 8 years missing them. I met some grate ladys in that time but I just could not let myself get over her, Now I know why, I was using that pain to drive me to clock my hart away wile I did things, some grate things, but it made me very hard and very very cold.

I was crule, and unkind hartless,

 

That was until I met my wife it was she in then end who pulled me out of myself and my holding to myself of that old pain.

 

Pain can be a shild, pain can be a tool, you can if you like do as I did make a life for your self that is so much better than any thing you would have had with your X.

 

Me I know that my x marred my bast mate, thay lied to me and made me feel bad for years, they made me feel like it was my folt that I lost her. Buit the truth was they cheated on me. They have a child and a good life in the town they grow upin.

 

Me I have done things which I would never have dreamed of, I went for things with our fear, you see dead me dont fear things they have no shame and they never stop trying.

 

I pushed myself day and night, I worked hours you would not believe and Ill never stop. even as Im typing this Im working.

 

I dont hate them any more, I dont hate her, I hope with all my hart that they have a good life and that there child is happy and healthy.

 

I thank them for giving me the pain that made me who I am now, the boy I was has long ago gone, the man I have become has grown becouse of what they did,

 

One day you will feel the same when I dont know thats down to you 100%

so keep hope and love.

 

Spugly

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Sunshine!

Don't let the length of time that it's taking make you feel like you're not making progress! I only dated my ex for close to 2 months and it took me 3 months just to start feeling better. I'm still not completely over him yet and in another 2 weeks, it will be 4 months...MOVING ON TAKES A LONG TIME!

 

If you were together for a long time, it could take longer than a few months...I've heard that usually the first one can take up to a year...there are sooooo many things that affect how long it is going to take you, but DON'T RUSH IT! Just let it take it's course-if you don't, you will only be hurting yourself...rushing this process was the worst thing I did-TRUST ME, Don't rush it/Don't try to hide it/Don't suppress it...LET IT HAPPEN!

 

Things will start to smooth out soon enough...I PROMISE!!!! You don't know it, but these past 2 months for you may feel like you have been haulted in this process, but you haven't-we have all felt like we're either not moving forward or actually moving backward.

 

"2 STEPS FORWARD, 1 STEP BACK"-that expression is true, and that step back is extremely hard to take, but you have to step back so you can take the next 2 steps forward!!!!!

 

YOUR DAY IS COMING!!!

GUARANTEE!

 

STB

 

"Stay Strong"

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Today feels a little better. I just don't want anymore of those days where I am sitting at work in tears over someone who didn't love me to begin with. I really need to start telling myself that if he loved me he would be here with me. I wouldn't have to fight myself for NC b/c we would be talking every day. I really need start putting my head over my heart. I understand that he does't want to be with me and doens't love me. . I just need to accept it.

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You will get better and so will I, its been about 3 weeks for me, I'm still a basketcase, but forcing myself to move, keep moving thats the answer... yes we will cry for awhile, but know the sadness will slowly dissipate, and yeah we will get better, stick with us here and I guarantee you will be ok.....

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Dear Sunshine,

 

You are doing well, trust me and don't pressure yourself. It's been 5 months for me and I am feeling pretty much the same as the day we brokeup or even worse. My ex has been giving me mixed signals and false hopes and it has been an emortinal rollercoaster. One day he tells me he still loves me and makes love with me, but other days he tells me we are over. Last week I found out that he was up for a date. I was crashed. I let myself breaking down and I didn't even care. A lot of mistakes have been made. I was at the lowest point of my life, but today I told myself that I can only go up from here. I can get through this without him. And you can do it too. Just be very kind to yourself. Once again, you are doing well.

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