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Broke NC and now I'm going to hear what I don't want to hear


ebsmith1
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I broke NC with my ex the other day to tell him something he needed to know, but unrelated to us. We had a nice e-mail exchange and I should have left it at that. Instead I asked him that since some time had passed I was wondering how I should view the things he said after our breakup and what he needed from me. He wrote back and said he wasn't ignoring me, but had to answer me later. I wrote back and told him that I was sorry that I took a good conversation and tried to pull information out of him and that he didn't have to answer.

 

He wrote back and told me not to apologize because if the situation were reversed he'd have done the same thing. Then he said he would answer my questions but that he'd probably wait until he was alone at work on Saturday to do so. Clearly this means I won't be hearing what I want. If he loved me and wanted this to work, I wouldn't have to wait until Saturday to hear that. Why did I do this to myself?

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Isn't this the wishy washy guy who talks marriage but strings you along?

 

He wants to wait until Saturday because he wants to construct some let you down responses,

 

But he doesn't want to lose you as a prospect in the future while he searches for another so he keeps the door ajar.

 

Hun, you deserve better than this, try to keep up the NC.

 

Hugs, Rose

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Yeah, he proposed and then broke up with me. I know I deserve better, but it's hard to get him out of my head when I love him so much. I know that he's waiting so he comes up with something good and that's what sucks. Saturday's my son's birthday so now I'm going to start out depressed.

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Well, the pain is unbearable, I can agree there, I was in your shoes just a few months ago.

 

Once you accept their is no hope of reconciliation, and I mean truly accept it, then you will finally be able to heal.

 

I think you have a tiny inckling of false hope of getting back together and that is what is hurting you here.

 

You are opening up your scabs and poking at them, when you need to let them heal.

 

Let the tears flow, rent some movies, get some icecream, and let the emotions run loose, don't supress them.

 

Hugs, Rose

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I asked him that since some time had passed I was wondering how I should view the things he said after our breakup and what he needed from me.

 

This here is wrong. You shouldn't be asking him what he needs from you when he broke up with you, and AFTER he proposed to boot! If anything you should now reinforce the NC and if he goes down on his knees to beg for your forgiveness and instead asks you what you need from him, then MAYBE you could think about it, maybe.

 

You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't want you, and especially not ask him to come back after he broke up with you. In that case he'll likely just go along with the attitude "Fine, fine, I guess I can do it! puhhhhh" which is wrong.

 

Nor do you really want to do this, no matter how much you love him as it is clear that he does not love you, and if you would get together with him again it would most likely just end in a bad heartache.

 

 

Focus on your son on saturday, and don't even think about 'that guy you dated once'.

 

//C.E.

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I know I shouldn't be asking him what he needs from me, but he said we were breaking up because he just wasn't sure and needed some space. I've been terrible about that and now I've probably set myself up for more heartbreak. I'd love to just wait and see what he says and try to hope for the best, but I'm betting that if it was "the best" he'd have just said it right away. I am trying to make myself understand that there is no way this is going to happen so that I can heal and move on. I'm just having trouble with the knowledge that there are wedding rings sitting in their box and they aren't going to get worn. He was supposed to be the rest of my life, how to I get over that?

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Hi again

 

Dont assume anything. You get your answer on saturday. I did a similar thing the other day and it took a while for me to get a clear answer but when I did it was good. It wasnt fireworks good, cant live without you running around in rolling green hills good but it was good.

 

To be honest, Im so turned off by the negativity on this board I dont want to post the details about it here. Ive kinda given up on it and moved on to other boards but I check in every few days here and just saw this from you. I totally see the benefits of no contact but this no contact thing is like everyone's religion here and if you ask me its a little bit out of control. So Im going to email you my story when I get the chance, k?

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