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trial seperation?


Eddy Teach
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So i've been with this girl for 4 years. In love but its become boring if that makes sense. theres no more sparks. i want to try a trial seperation for a couple of months just to see if i want to go any further in this relationship.Does this seem like a stupid idea? what do u ppl think? thanks

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It's not stupid at all. It just depends on what reasons you want for a seperation.

 

If you just need some time apart to yourself to figure out what you want, then a seperation could help.

 

If you want to date around and see what else is available, then a trial seperation isn't what you really want. You want to have your cake and eat it too. Thats not fair to your girlfriend.

 

Reading other posts, falling out of love is common in many (if not all) relationships.

 

It's the desire of both partners to work at falling back in love that keeps a relationship going.

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You can have a break... But then remember SHE is on a break as well! And you may lose her. So be prepared for that. There are some girls (myself included) that won't even entertain the idea of a break. If you suggest it, she may simply say she has no interest in being with someone who isn't sure of her. Be prepared for that as well. She won't just sit on a shelf waiting for you if she's smart.

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'break' =' 'breakup'

 

if someone told me they wanted to go on a break... i'd say that was a breakup.

 

There is clearly a problem in the relationship if you can't talk about it and need time away.

 

 

either breakup with her or try to work on it... none of this " i need a break' or " I just need some time"

 

 

Calling a break is very cowardly IMO, its like saying" I don't quite have the balls to break up with you ... yet" or "please stick around just in case i don't find anything better"

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my ex and i separated because he needed to figure things out as well

 

currently its been almost 4 months and about 2 months NC. now, he thinks he made a mistake and regrets doing it. we have LC because at this point, im ok with that.

 

meanwhile, while my ex was pondering over himself, i've been dating and focusing on myself. he wants to take me out to dinner this weekend to talk. but to be honest, i dont know if i could get back into a relationship because if someone could walk away and have a change of heart once, whos to say they arent going to do it again? your going to change throughout your entire life, and there will points when you need to figure things out...are you going to break up with her everytime you need to do that?

 

please give this some thought...understand full well the consequences of your actions. Jayar is right, you may lose her forever.

 

these are just some of the rationales i've been pondering over--and your girlfriend might as well. i hope this offers some insight from a point of view your girlfriend might have.

 

good luck, hope all goes well

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What you could to is tell her openly that you feel like the relationship could benefit from some space. Don't refer to it as a "break" and don't treat it as such. Stay together -- just don't spend as much time together. Meaning, work on yourself and don't see other people -- and expect the same from her. Work on the getting the spark back together, but apart, if that makes any sense...I don't know what your relationship is like right now, but try getting together for a movie just once a week for a couple of hours. Make sure that neither of you smoke during that time, too! If you spend a little (or a lot) more time apart, the times when you are together will be that much more special...I've heard of several cases where the spark comes back after doing that. Or, if the relationship wasn't meant to be, you'll realize that you're okay being away from her for a prolonged period of time -- and then you can go ahead and separate.

 

Of course, my advice may not apply to your situation, and your girlfriend may see even that as a break/breakup. But I really do suggest talking with her about it first and maybe making a mutual agreement to go back to the initial stages of dating rather than a real break. Because yes, to many people a break = breakup.

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