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Please help- 4 yrs over...What do I do


mytimewillcome
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I was dating my boyfriend for 4 years and 2 yrs ago we had broken up for a couple months but got back together...

 

We recently started talking about marriage and he even took me ring shopping last month... He has started a new job and wants to go back to do his MBA (he is 27 and i am almost 27) .he has been really stressed out lately with work and studying... I was obsessed with marriage and kept on bringing it up and he told me to be patient and within a year he would propose and 2 yrs get married.. i kept nagging and pushing the subject but lately ive been making an effort...

 

the problem is that for the majority of the time we go to weddings we always get into a fight that escalates.. i usually end up picking the fight for no reason and we end up tainting the day of weddings of close friends....

last saturday we had another wedding and apparently he had gone to church and prayed for a sign that if we got into a fight we arent meant to be together...

so when something came up that was small it turn into a heated agrument and he told me 'i hate you..i never want to see u again... i am happy thinking about you not being in my life' and so on and so forth... he dropped me off at home because the fight occurred after the ceremony and he was going to the reception without me.. he called me an hour after the fight and at first said i should get ready to go to the reception and we should talk but he changed his mind and told him it was best that i dont go to the reception..

 

so he hasnt called me back since the wedding and its given me alot of time to reflect on my actions and why i do what i do.. i never realized how negatively i was affecting myself and him...

 

after 4 yrs can a person really just blow up and then walk away?! its been almost a week and i really want to talk to him and explain.. i left him a simple message that 'hi, im worried and i hope hes ok and im here if he wants to talk' but that was a few days ago and he hasnt responded...

 

do i just accept that it is over and he meant everything he said when we got into the fight?! ... whenever weve argued it has never gone this long without contact and he was really upset...

 

i really want to fight for this but i guess i cant force him...

 

what should i do? i have the nagging urge to do what i have never done before- go to his house even if his parents are there and tell him i need to talk in a calm and rational manner cause he wont even call me back... would that be wrong of me?

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Nah. Give him space.

 

There is so much in your post that is cringe-worthy. You know that right?

 

This relationship has been in a downward spiral for a while now. His blow up isn't that surprising or out of the blue.

 

Stop fighting for someone and something that isn't going to happen. Sorry. Sorry to say it that way. It's time to face this though. Do you want more years of this? Really?

 

The guy is still living at home. That is just one big reason NOT to get married to him.

He isn't SURE and doesn't seem excited to marry you - that is the big one!

 

You don't want to be with and marry someone who is being pressured into do you? That isn't love. That is fear or weakness, and he will resent you for it.

Possibly already does.

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It would be wrong, in that you're choosing to cross his boundaries by showing up to his house.

 

I understand how you're feeling and that you want to talk, but unless your boyfriend wants to talk, showing up to his place will just make things worse. It's a natural feeling to want to force and outcome, but I don't think it will help things.

 

You've already tried to talk to him, and he didn't respond. it's on him to make contact.

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yea well when i stopped bringing up the subject of marriage then he started bringing it up and about the future... but as soon as this fight happened he got so upset...

 

yea i think he has growing resentment.. hes the type that bottles it in and doesnt want to talk about it...

 

so i guess i should just walk away from it and work on fixing myself? i am so embarrassed with my actions...

 

the last 2 months i havent been able to sleep and he knows this and i told him it was making me more irritable and upset... now i totally cant sleep the last few days and i think its taking a real toll on me...i gotta get stronger and learn

 

do u think its reasonable that if i change and in a few months fell like contacting him i should?

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