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CoolBambi
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Hiya Guys & Gals....

 

My Ex finished with me 3 weeks ago after a some what messed up 5 year relationships...we had split up a few times, usually by him and a couple of weeks later he would be around, apologising, begging for forgiveness.

 

He was a very poor b/friend - incredibly selfish, neglectful of anybody elses feelings but his own, he resented my son, he was very critical and had a generally negative persona....lol now I see it in font I must have been mad to date this guy for so long. If only I could choose who I fell in love with!

 

Anyway thing is - I know he isn't worth the pain/tears/anguish - and I know I could never be happy with him. But I am driven to keep contacting him...and everytime I do...I am in pain again. Why do I do it??? NO IDEA!

 

What can I do to stop myself from contacting him?

 

I don't even think about it - I just do it on impulse.

 

Also - even though he dumped me he keeps in contact - texting with pointless messages, emails, following me into internet chat rooms, sending me emails of how he wants to go back out with me but can't, I am the love of his life etc - and then if i respond to any of this he treats me with contempt. If I ignore him for a few days he is back texting & emailing craving for attention.

 

I can't be free of him - until I have N.C but its soooooo hard to do.

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Hey Bambi,

 

yea me n my GF recently broke it up she broke it off with me even though i had been the one who had been doing it forever. We'll I on the other hand know what you mean by everytime you call him or contact him your sad and everything again. So i decided that i know we could never be friends because its hard going from saying i love you, being in a sexual relationship and then just being casual friends you know? So I keep no contact at all, and this seems to be working better even though she won't stop trying to talk to me, it feels good to block. But I made it so my phone line doesn't allow her to call and i can't call her, I avoid contact at all costs and such. You said it yourself you had to be mad to be with him and he'll never make you happy so whats the point? Is it because he gives you attention or something? I honestly think since he also has a drive for your attention know your opponents weakness have him crawl back to you, you know he has done it in the past and he knows it'll work this time dont let it work and he'll be crushed and eventually get so worked up he should leave you alone... i hope i helped you but... i doubt i did! best of wishes! ill check up on ya later

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What I would do, is write his phone number down, put it in a drawer that you don't look in at all (old bills, maybe old pictures, computer drawer). Erase his number from ur phone, and delete his mailing address online.

 

Don't dial his number if you have memorized it. To do that, whenever you start dialing his number and are about to press send, second guess yourself... are you doing the right thing by hitting that green button?

 

I have a bulletin board in my apartment... its big and covers almost a whole wall. I use it to doodle cuz I'm weird like that, and I also hav emy weekly schedule on there. But right now I'm getting over a relationship... and it has "Remember... let go... relax" written LARGE and covers up my schedule. Helps me a lot.

 

-ForAnother

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Wow..I know what you are going through! I started a thread called "shoot me in the head if I break NC" posted in this section.

 

I do believe these dyfunctional, unhealthy relationships can be just as hard to let go as a normal one. You two are each others addiction.

 

That's all the advice I've got for the moment.........I'm in desperate need of coffee!

 

Can you provide more details..like why you two break up?

 

Venting helps a lot!!

 

Take care and keep posting.

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Thanks for your responses guys.

Its nice to know I aint the only person feeling a tad jaded and fed up.

 

I have had a really odd day - I have been a bit weepy this morning, thinking to myself "no guy will love me like he did again" which should really say "No guy will ever treated me badly the way he treated me badly again" because he didn't love me..he treated me like sh1t.

 

Isn't it odd though in moment of sadness how the brain can turn it all around on you and you remember the few good moments rather than the endless list of bad ones.

 

As i said today was odd - and I feel really good and strong this evening. I couldn't care less about him...I can't wait until I feel like this 24/7...maybe today is the day it starts.

 

Hope youre all feeling grand

 

Bams x x

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i put a really silly name with the nos that went like his so i automatically never pressed it and with you i would put s+++ treater so if you do call him you think twice why you are not with him.

 

Can i ask you something - are you scared of not finding anyone else? i am in my early 30s to so wondered if it was normal

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No, I am not scared about never finding somebody else...people find love in their 70's & 80's. I don't feel past it at 34.

 

I just keep recalling how miserable I was on a day to day basis with this guy and being alone for now is the right thing to do.

When somebody new comes along that rocks my boat great...but I am not actively seeking that at the moment.

I feel quite sickly and empty when I think about being with other people.

 

I couldn't ever go back with him because of the things he has said and done.

 

I will have to learn from this and next time pick my b/f better.

 

Bams x x

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