Don't make me laugh!

[Batya33]

I have at times been biased against very handsome men because if I feel less attractive than the man I wonder why they would choose me (from my experience the woman of the couple is more attractive than the man). Example - a few years ago I had a first date with a very handsome man. I could have just focused on his looks and had a lovely time. I focused instead on what he had to say. He said all the "right" things about what he wanted, who he was, etc but I sensed something not quite sincere - not insincere just something "off" (maybe it was my bias since he was so handsome). Then, he said the line that was the dealbreaker. I am a petite, thin woman and he said "I love petite women because of how they feel in my arms." At that point, I felt like an objectified Barbie doll (or maybe more like a Dawn doll which, way back then, was Barbie's petite friend). It was over for me - didn't matter what a "hottie" he was.

 

I have met sincere handsome men, insincere unattractive men - not saying there is a correlation, just that I have been known to discriminate against the hotties.

 

Maybe it all started when I had a crush on Horshack from welcome back kotter . .. . .

[bulletproof]

So unless a woman and 'less than average' man are FORCED together by work or school projects, etc, there is little chance that the man will ever get to chat and show his wonderful personality to the woman. If I try to talk to a woman, I come accross as creepy and desperate, though I try my hardest not to be. Think of George from Seinfeld, only a lot thinner.

 

What's wrong with expecting to meet someone through a work or school activity? Why would those be considered forced? Isn't that the kind of scenario that people get to know each other in?

 

I would guess that if you asked married/coupled people how they met, they are not going to say that they noticed each other on sight and became a couple. They will probably say that they met through something like work/school/shared activity. It's through those means that you do get to show your personality.

[rikka]

Can I give anecdotal evidence to the contrary of the OP? (hee hee hee, too bad, you can't stop me from posting!!! well... you can just stop reading... ANYWAYS!...)

 

My boyfriend still wonders what I am doing with him. He doesn't consider himself to bevery attractive. His friends have commented on "why a girl like me would be with an ugly mug like him" (now of course he is a guy, and it is male friends... aparently they relate differently than females, but that is another issue). My point is, and I do have a point, I would not be with my guy today if he hadn't had the balls to come over and talk to me. From accross the dance floor I saw a guy who was reasonably attractive, but not my style. Well, he came over and I gave him a chance (I was really expecting very little from the conversation) and I was pleasantly surprised.

 

So, looks aren't everything but confidence can be an amazing thing (he is normally a very shy guy, so lucky for me he had forceful friends).

 

Adenum to this.... yes, you need physical attraction, and despite what he thinks, I think he is handsome and sexy and completely wonderful in all ways (looks and personality). But looks aren't the be all and end all.

[heloladies21]

I can't help but be self-conscious about my looks, like many people.

You're going to have to cover this up or else you will subcommunicate it to chicks that you are insecure and then you fail their first confidence test and you will keep getting dismissed right away.

 

I know I have to make improvements but how? How can you gain confidence from nothing?

That's why I'm telling you to fake it, but if you wanna improve I can get you a bunch of sites to help you solve the real problem. It's your ability to communicate with women on any different level and is definitely something you can improve on.

 

I am a short guy, I know that women overlook me as soon as they see me and look for guys they think are "hot."

This isn't how it works, but if you're not going to believe me and want to believe this self limiting belief based on a reverse rationalization, then what can be said to you? You're going to believe what you want and until you get to the point where you decide you wanna take a leap of faith, believe me when I tell you that you can do this, and be open to learning a new skill, then all of this isn't getting anyone anywhere.

 

It is not paranoia I can tell by their body language and behavior.

It's not paranoie, it's lack of skill.

 

People here seem to think that women will give ANY guy a chance to prove himself; and that they wouldn't overlook a guy just because they didn't have a physical attraction to? I have never seen/heard anything in real life to make me think that is true.

I see it happen all the time, but don't take my word for it.

 

All I see are girls going for the same good-looking guys and those guys eating up all the attention for doing nothing. All they do is put forward minimum effort, less effort than I put in and they get so much more attention.

At this point you're going to see what you wanna see. All I can do is tell you that in the real world, it is very much different and the exact opposite of this false belief you've created.

 

This sounds like complaining but I'm just putting it out like it is.

This is just complaining, because this is not how it is. And I'dd say it again, until you're willing to open you're eyes and look at those guys who are "exceptions" and see how they're doing it and try and learn from them, then there's really nothing left to say.

[Jayar]

All I can tell you is that my last BF, the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with, was short and not "hot" (but he was cute and I was attracted to him after a few dates and I loved him more than anything by the time he dumped me...)

 

And from the other side of the fence? I'm an attractive girl. Guys pull over in rush-hour traffic on the highway to tell me so. They fall all over themselves to carry my shopping bags to my car at the mall (guys I don't even know) just to get my number. And yet this guy, my ex, dumped me. Broke me. I was devastated for months because I was so in love with him. Yet he wasn't in love with me... Why?

 

What I am trying to say is, if it was ONLY about looks then he would have been insane over me, and I would never have dated him. There is way more to it than looks.

[AntiLove_SuperStar]

Status, power and financial stability?? You can keep it!